PAC-10 EXPANSION: Exclusive look inside the conference meetings

When asked how big he wanted the Pac-10 to expand, Larry Scott excitedly stammered before making this gesture. via blog.oregonlive.com

After some investigative journalism, we've uncovered an exclusive transcript of the Pac-10 conference meetings about expansion this past weekend in San Francisco. The meeting details the internal discussion leading up to Larry Scott being granted the ability to move forward with expansion. All member schools were present and Scott laid out various expansion scenarios. What resulted was an agreement to begin inviting schools to join the Pac-10 in an effort to create the first super-conference.

Larry Scott: Good afternoon, what we have before us is an opportunity. An opportunity to grow and to change the landscape of major conferences in the NCAA. I ask you all to be proactive and allow me to begin the process of adding members to this great conference. The members I have selected all adhere to the pillars upon which we are based: academics, athletics, and ethics.

USC: Wait, wait, wait. Ethics? When did this become a guideline? I thought we were here to win.
UCLA
: I knew they were cheating! They could never have beaten us without cheating! We're U-C-LLLLL-A!
*Scott make a throat cutting motion towards USC*

Scott
: As I was saying, the status quo is no longer acceptable. The nature of the college game is changing and we are falling behind. Did you know Tom Hansen gave FSN lifetime rights to the TV deal? What the heck were you all thinking?
Washington
: He promised us Brian Davis, sir.
Arizona:
FSN said they were a big national player. They even told us about this new fangled "HD" and promised us it'd be up and running by 2015.
Scott
: You have got to be kidding me. The conference needs to move now to better position itself for TV negotiations. If we don't act now, we may get left behind. I'm proposing that we raid the Big 12. I've hired the man behind the Big 12 expansion from years ago, so the pillaging should be no problem. We need to move to 16 teams, gentlemen.
*Washington State inconspicuously takes off its shoes and socks and quietly starts counting in the corner*

Washington
: Look, I just had these business cards made with the new Pac-10 logo on them. If we add 6 teams, I've wasted that money and we need it for a shiny new stadium.
Scott
: Don't worry, a little white-out will fix it right up. Just turn the 0 into a 6 and you're all set. Now, if there are no more logo questions, let's get to the details. I propose splitting the conference into two divisions. The old Pac-8 will be on one side, the Arizona schools and the 6 Big 12 schools on the other.
Arizona and Arizona State
: We don't have to play USC every year? Perfect!
*USC forms an L with its fingers
*
All
: Who are these new schools, Larry?
Scott
: Glad you asked. The big prize in all of this is Texas.
*Arizona and Arizona State kick the table
*
USC
: Oh come on! Did you see what they did to Bush and Leinart? This isn't fair. We had this league by the jugular.
UCLA:
CHEATERS, YOU'RE CHEATERS.
Oregon
: The spread option says otherwise. How you like them apples? Boom! 2009 Pac-10 champs in the house!
Washington State
: Hey USC? Remember the last time you beat Texas? We remember when we did.
Arizona State:
How exactly do you plan on convincing Texas? We've got coeds we can send their way. It works for our enrollment numbers.
Scott
: Can it, kids. In order to get Texas, we need to take Texas Tech and Texas A&M, too.
Oregon State
: I thought we had the monopoly on being the run-down cow college.
Washington State
: Guys, we're still in the conference. Did you forget about us again?
Stanford
: I thought this was about academics.
Scott
: These are the sacrifices that need to be made. Besides, have you seen the air-raid offense? That thing is groundbreaking.
*Oregon scoffs while mumbling "amateurs"
*
*Stanford taps the table*
: Academics?
Scott
: Oklahoma is also a big-time school, so they're in. We need to seal the deal with them by taking Oklahoma State.
OSU
: Now you all have to call us OS. The branding worked!
Oregon
: We get to keep the old refs right? No sense having to beat Oklahoma fair and square.
All: So, who's the sixth member?
Scott: Well, we seemed to have hit a roadblock so far. Ken Starr and the Baylor Bears are trying to force thei...
*Door bursts open and Colorado barges in wearing a mini-skirt and heels*
Colorado: Hey boys, want to join the mile high club?
Oregon: I've always wanted to hang out with Colorado. I hear they have good, uh, botany.
California: No, no, and no. We wear the Birkenstocks in this conference.
Stanford: OH COME ON, I SAID ACADEMICS. WHY IN THE WORLD ARE WE TURNING INTO A CIRCUS CONFERENCE? WHAT IS MY MOTIVATION HERE?
Scott: Money; Lots and lots of money. Ever showered in gold bathrooms, used $100 bills to light cigars, and dined off only the finest China?
Washington: Every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Stanford: How much money?
Scott: Tens of millions of dollars.
*Stanford hands over a signed piece of paper with "soul" written on it*
Scott: So we're in agreement, then. Expansion-ho! I'll get back to you with the details once I resolve this pesky Baylor situation. Colorado, put some pants on, would you?
*Washington gets flagged for excessive celebration out of nowhere*

 

For real news, read Craig's post on Nebraska's possible move to the Big Ten and what it means for the Pac-10 (spoiler alert: $$$$$).

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