Pac-12 football: Scores, reaction from the Conference of Champions (NSFW)

Jonathan Ferrey

PAC-12 round-up provided by game thread commentary from around the conference.

With the Cougs on a bye, let's take a look around the conference and see how things are going elsewhere.

Utah 3 - 19 USC

Utah continues it's trend of being completely unpredictable, but they haven't won in the Coliseum since 1916 so more people should've seen this coming. Travis Wilson threw for 51 yards and 2 picks, battling through a finger injury that was obviously giving him some problems.  Utah marched to the USC 25 and kicked a field goal on the opening drive, and everything that followed was bad.

Let's check in with Utah fans...

Utah - BlockU

I only wish Kiffin was still around

So we could get some of his trademark lost little lamb looks when his team loses

Ya, Screw Corso...

Always picking against the rest of the Pac-12. NOT SO FAST, Lee.

Utes by 10!

orgeron's voice

Holy crapnuggets

wilson running

Awkward but effective

Defense is beautiful right now.

Da fuck was that?

Fuck. This sucks.

The USC game or The Saturday I got "sad" drunk before 3pm.

Our line is the shits

The ONE time you actually run the sweep

its when you need inches??? Fucking hell

ugh...what year is it? is it 2012 again?

I feel like I'm in the fucking twighlight zone

Schulz warming up on the sidelines

throw in the towel

fucking fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck ass fuck

What the hell is wrong with this team

We're not good.

Apparently, I raced back to my house for nothing

Wow, what the fuck happened?

You didn't miss much

unless you like screaming at your TV in anger amd frustration

We can't tackle.

At least Utah has no penalities in the game so far...

Thank God for the bye week coming up

And USC, you guys cool?

USC - Conquest Chronicles

Guess giving up a FG on the Utes 1st offensive drive is better than 7

Our receivers always get their hands on the ball, just never hold on

And another drop by a WR

This offense makes me sad.

Nelson Agholor touchdown!

Fuck yeah.

dunno why Utah ran a sweep with a QB taller than the yardage for 1st down

Now we're down to losing walkon TE's

ESPN color commentator just said USC had more depth than Utah

What world is he living in?

Martin pissed at another Walker false start....he's good for at least 2 per game

Would hate to see our D give up Utah's only TD here in garbage time

Win is a win !

An now they are interviewing Coach Cookie Monster…..could listen to him talk all day :)

UCLA 14 - 42 Oregon

GameDay went to Eugene for a match up of two top teams on the West Coast.  The UCLA defense came off the bus ready to play, forcing a turnover on Oregon's opening drive and setting the offense up to take the first lead of the game.  The first half played even, adhering to the customary ritual of Oregon playing with its food. The Bruins traded TDs with Ducks for three quarters, then Oregon did what Oregon does and their offense exploded for a 21 point 4th quarter.

History books are written by the victors, what say you Ducks?

Oregon - Addicted to Quack

MD should lose just for wearing those freakish helmets

COME ON, ACC, STOP BEING SO TERRIBLE.

MAKE IT END GODDAMMIT

Not even the Maryland fans care

OH FUCK YOU, MARYLAND.

Low class by Maryland

throwing so we can’t watch our game!

WORST START SINCE THE LAST ONE

ALRIGHT IM PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.

LIKE FUCKING SERIOUSLY

FUCK

WHY DO WE HAVE SUCH SHITTY STARTS AGAINST EVERYBODY WITH A PULSE?!

EVERYONE CHANNEL DAT AND TURN THE FUCKING CAPS ON.

I LOVE TALKING TO MOMS

HEY, IF THE FUCKING BALL IS 8 YARDS DEEP IN THE FUCKING END ZONE, KNEEL DOWN. THEY GIVE YOU 25 FREE YARDS.

I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL HATE FOR BRENT MUSBERGER

OFFENSIVE LINE USES BLOCK NOBODY

OFFENSIVE LINE HURTS ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION.

FIRE EVERYONE.

FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK

I'M GOING TO START WATCHING THESE GAMES

AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 2ND QUARTER FROM NOW ON.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT BIG BALLS HELF!!!!

FAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEEEE

BIG BALLLSSSS HELFRICH

BIG BALLZ HELLFY!

DID I JUST SEE THAT?

OR WAS THAT A NYQUIL DREAM?

ENORMOUS BALLS

WHEN THEY SHOWED MALDONADO JUMPING TO CATCH THE SNAP, I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED

ENORMOUS BALLS = MOMENTUM SWING AND TD

DRIPPING WET

UCLA HAS A WHITE GUY RETURNING KICKS?

Don't tell me UCLA is going to 4, 5, 6 yard us to death

WAZZU BLUEPRINT

HUNDLEY'S ACCURACY GOES TO POO POO WHEN HE'S ON THE MOVE.

Terrible playcall on 4th down by Mazzone

EXCELLENT fUCLA

DON’T DO ANYTHING CREATIVE, JUST GIVE US DA BAW

TRUST YOUR HOLE, BRYON.

I FEEL AS IF WE'RE PRETTY FORTUNATE TO BE TIED NOW

Brett Hundley 4/5 22 YDS

DEM DERES HEISMAN NUMBERS

BYRON MARSHALL

ALWAYS RUNS TOWARDS THE SAME ENDZONE- ONLY EFFECTIVE IN THE SECOND AND FOURTH QUARTERS

JESUS GUYS THAT WAS A THREE BEER FIRST QUARTER

I AM CONCERNED WITH THE NUMBER OF ENDER'S GAME ADS AND THE AMOUNT OF CGI

IT HAS A HIGH PROBABLITY OF SUCKING ASS

WAY TO TAUNT AND GIVE US 15 YARDS YOU BITCH.

What a fucking piece of shit.

Classy helmet to helmet hit and then sleep gesture. Fuck off to hell.

SCOREBOARD JACKASS

I CAN'T WAIT TO KICK THEIR ASS

THIS GUY IS A DOUCHE

OH, FUCK THESE GUYS.

ALRIGHT...FUCK THESE GUYS! KILL THEM ALL!

IF I WERE A BN MEMBER I WOULD SO BE BANNED RIGHT NOW

Just asked on the ESPN board:

"OK to taunt TWICE. Why? Because he’s a white guy?"

Yawn

UCLA’s Defense apparently thinks they have a chance in this game. That’s cute.

I'M A PACIFIST AND I WANT BLOOD HERE

NEED MORE NYQUIL

WONDER IF IT MIXES WITH VODKA

IT'S A GOOD THING WE DON'T HAVE A LINEBACKER WORTH A FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW.

CONTAIN AND MAINTAIN A FUCKING GAP.

IF I HEAR THEM SAY "FRESHMEN" AGAIN, I'M GONNA PUKE

4/7 22 YARDS AND 1 INT

MAKE HIM THROW EVERY FUCKING PLAY.

PUT LYERLA IN

HAVE HIM TRUCK THAT WHITE GUY’S ASS.

JESUS CHRIST

THIS IS LIKE POURING ACID INTO MY EYES

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

THanks for not showing up Ducks

I REVISE MY EARLIER STATEMENT

I BELIEVE I WILL START WATCHING IN THE 3RD QUARTER FROM NOW ON.

DON'T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE TO BE #2

WE ALREADY AREN'T #2

I want to shake my fist angrily at someone for this.

GOOD JOB GUYS. GREAT FIRST HALF

DRUNK

SO WHEN YOU GUYS TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF, DO YOU JUST SIT ON YOUR FURNITURE OR...

THIS GAME IS A SHITSANDWICH

WHY DO WE LOOK LIKE SHIT IN EVERY FIRST HALF THIS YEAR? FOCUS FOR FUCK’S SAKE

WHY THE FUCK IS MALDONADO KICKING FIELDGOALS

GODDAMMIT I KNOW WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO POST PERSONAL ATTACKS BUT MALDONADO IS HORRIBLE AT KICKING FIELD GOALS

Why couldn't it have been Maldonado in a car using Cocaine?

Its pretty ridiculous that he is still on the team.

This is fucking stupid.

Done with caps, what’s the fucking point. Team doesn’t care to show up.

Ducks are obviously taking a dive in the first half to prove they can win a close game in the 4th quarter.

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS

FLORIDA STATE HAD THEIR WAY WITH A SHITTY ACC TEAM TODAY, WE SUCK BECAUSE WE ARE UNABLE TO DO THAT.

be happy everybody

10502699216_50e0d2ab27_o_medium

via farm3.staticflickr.com

I'M GOING TO WATCH

LORD OF THE RINGS ON TNT FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO I CAN GET MY HEAD RIGHT.

I DON’T KNOW WHY LOTR WILL GET MY HEAD RIGHT BUT I THINK IT WILL.

WELL, I'M GONNA GO BEAT MY WIFE'S DOGS FOR A BIT.

I HAVE TAKEN OFF MY PANTS

AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO TAKE OFF MY UNDERPANTS

YOU ALL SHOULD BE AWARE

SERIOUSLY TACKLE BETTER GUYS

HOW DOES BRENT MUSBERGER NOT KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE MARIOTA'S NAME YET?

/BANGS HEAD AGAINST TABLE

This is an embarrassing game.

NICELY DONE OFFENSE

FACEPALM

GLAD SOMEONE NOTICED

ALIOTTI’S STRANGE EWEB ENDORESMENT

OFFENSE STILL MAKING ME WISH I HAD ALCOHOL.

HEY I RUN THAT PLAY IN NCAA 14

DID YOU KNOW UCLA HAS 18 FRESHMEN?

OH YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING HRONISSING ME

You're f-ing kidding me

OH HOLY LIVING MOTHER OF DERP!

hey guys i think we might blow this

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

IF WE WIN THIS WE"RE BULLETPROOF

YEAH, OUR D SUCKS SO TOTALLY HARD. FUCKING WORTHLESS

Forget the heisman

We’ll be lucky to get to the NCG with this shit

JUST LIKE THAT!

SUCK IT, DOUBTERS.

HELFRICH MUST HAVE TAKEN HIS PANTS OFF

WHY DON'T WE HAVE A KICKER?

I LOVE THE QUINOA COMMERCIAL

I REALLY REALLY DO

I SO WANT TO MARRY THE DEFENSE RIGHT NOW

AND RAISE THEIR BABIES

PLAY THE MOTHER FUCKING FIGHT SONG!

DUDUDUDUDUDUNT DUT. TEQUILA.

SWEEP THE LEG ON THIS FUCKING DEFENSE

LOL OUR BEST KICK COVERAGE IS KICKING IT TO THE 20 AND WATCHING THEM DERP.

DEAR HELFY: RUN UP THE FUCKING SCORE

CONSIDER IT AN ORDER

What questions am I asking who at post game press conferences?

WHERE DOES THE WHITE GO WHEN SNOW MELTS.

ASK NICK ALIOTTI IF UCLA'S PERFORMANCE ON DEFENSE WAS BULLSHIT AND BUSH LEAGUE.

ASK HOW MUCH BOOSTERS NEED TO PAY

TO INSURE WE GET A KICKER IN THIS RECRUITING CLASS

ARE YOU HAVING A HARD TIME CONVERSING WHILE STARING AT MY JUNK?

JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST

WHY IS MUSBERGER STILL FELLATING ANDREW LUCK?

TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING DUCK

I think Musberger is drunk

Again

I WANT TO BE PERPETUALLY AS HAPPY AS DE'ANTHONY THOMAS

FRUIT IS LIKE A HEALTHY CANDY

STFU BRENT HIS EX-GF STILL DOESN'T WANT YOUR OLD MAN DICK

Mora being the anti-Leach on that last drive

classy

"What did you say to the guys at halftime?"

"Well, we all took off our pants and screamed at the top of our lungs about how much we suck. After 20 minutes of that we were ready to come out and dominate."

Way to be, champs. Bruin's Nation seems slightly aggravated by their offensive coordinator.

UCLA - Bruins Nation

Cade . . .

may your spirit live on in our memories. And if you’re at today’s game, please don’t forget your blue placard.

Cadechuck_medium

via fwgnfl.com

Nobody gives a crap about an acc game that is all but over

clemson sucks

Get that overhyped team off the TV already!

Hey, look, the Oregon uni's aren't too ugly

Hey, anyone know how Utah is doing?

Not well.

TD BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First blood has been drawn!

Has anyone scored so fast on the Ducks this year?

Damn lucky not to get a flag

Wow

These guys are pissed

ELLIS F'N MCCARTHY AND ZUMWALT

beast moding

Damn fake punt

treat play

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Sneaky bastards

I watch Iowa for getting burned on fake punts, not the Bruins, dammit!

Our coaches better not let the team get humilated by this crap

So much for momentum...

White Mamba at work

Outcoached again

That's what fucking happens

This fucking guy is starting to piss me off

I've seen enough of Mazzone

Ok system, terrible playcaller

Geez...

How big is that stadium? Seems like there’s a million people in there

This game is going to get out of hand quick

Wth Calzone’s playcalling

If we only have to make one play a series, we'll be in good shape.

Deanthony Thomas is just too damn fast

Come on Mazzone, Brent is even calling your plays

shitty playcall

smfh

Very bland play call

HORRIBLE CALL

I'm done with Mazzone

Odd call

but glad we tried

Vanilla new spelling for Mazzone

Mora/Mazzone playing for moral victory

Sigh....

Goddammit.

Well, at least Oregon isn't wearing their highlighter yellow unis today.

btw, you're down by 7 against the Almighty Oregon

Aliotti says you’re supposed to quit, you low-class losers

Mazzone is getting embarrassed tonight

That Thor commercial was cool.

They're going to throw Zumwalt out

That is NOT a penalty god damnit

Bullshit call

This is bullshit. Looks like shoulder to shoulder to me

Bruins must get more almost-interceptions than any other team

Holy shit Zumwalt is a BOSS

They. Have balls to throw

Defense led by ZUMWALT

playing with swagger. We need that

The O needs to play with Zumwalt's attitude

Refs calling a clean game so far

Wow I was sure that flag was going to be on us

This is actually the best Pac-12 crew.

UCLA never gets these guys.

Interception

So close, damn it

blah blah blah freshman blah best team in the country blah

God damnit.

Jerry neu?

Welp, that one's not on play calling, at least.

Very winable. Let's Go.

Announcers being complete twits

Offensive player lowered his head, too.

WHY ARE WE RUNNING

THROW THE BALL

Incredible kids. Win today. Win for years.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THIS GAME

Three man rush is for pussies.

Barr's uni falling apart

He is so badass

that or adidas makes their unis outta toilet paper...

Good freakin half!!

Fuck oregon and fuck espn

We don’t have a chance blah blah mariota is a god blah 3 freshman on the line blah blah blah

Mustyburger is a jack ass.

I LOVE MALDONADO

the gift that keeps on giving, favorite duck ever <3

Lou Holtz's face looks like a catcher's mitt

Zumwalt decided to show we aren't soft.

I want my daughter to marry zumwalt

she’s 5, but I know he’d wait

We Got EM WHERE WE WANT EM

Forced to go to a Halloween party

So I only got to watch until the hundley interception and now listening on AM radio, but MAN I’m really hoping we can pull this out! I keep praying but sadly realizing that God may not really care about football. Haha

Kids are leaving it on the field

MEMO TO MAZZONE: LETS HAVE SOME BALLS IN THE SECOND HALF!!!!

I don't even want to take my shoes and socks off, don't want to change anything after that great 1st half.

Mazzone playing for the punt

Mazzoned

I am just wondering when Spanos punches Mazzone

Someone needs to kidnap Mazzone.

UCLA cover and under looking super legit right now

oh yah

oregon is very fast

Mazzone is going to cost us .... AGAIN

I wish Gus Johnson was calling this game for us

floodgates opening

guess Oregon made some adjustments

That is such a goddam waste

throw the fucking ball man

Jesus Mazzone!

WTF is going on

Looks like Mazzone is happy playing field position.

We lose.

here comes another 32 yard punt

F Nick Aliotti

we're playing so conservative

fuckin punting is winning

hate that fucking duck

4th Quarter Is Ours Dammit

mazzone is calling a shitty game

again…

Our QB and OC both suck a bag of dicks right now.

This can get ugly real fast

Here comes the 21pt loss.

JIM MORA

FIRE mazzone, you will never get to the next level with him.

welp we tried.

forever mediocre

I feel like I wasted my afternoon

How does it make us feel that WSu is better offensvely

Bowl eligible

Uh… Not sure we’re gonna make it, sports fans

Hey, we look great against lower level teams though, don't we?

this isnt even a moral victory

Who will be at homecoming next week?

Arizona 44 - 20 Colorado

Good job, good effort Colorado.  Zona extends the Buffalo's PAC-12 losing streak to 12 games behind Ka'Deem Carey's 119 yards on 23 carries and four touchdowns. Bonus points to Colorado for keeping Carey from being the leading rusher, minus points for allowing Wildcat QB B.J. Denker to rack up 192 yards on 15 keepers.  Also bonus points for trying a fake punt from your own 17, and for Paul Richardson trying to fight his cousin that plays corner for Arizona.

Take it away Buffs.

Colorado - The Ralphie Report

How's the Crowd?

read on twitter that it was bad- 100 or so students as of 20 minutes to kick off

Ugh, ugly pink buffalo on the helments

so they'll just methodically move down the field all day and we'll just randomly throw bombs like madden....

what could possibly go wrong?

Do the "throw it to Richardson" thing again

That’s a pretty good play

Wow we look like a football team right now

SOME BULLSHIT

We need this half to end

wow, those doors blew open fast

FUCK ME RUNNING.

Well, this sucks

Looks like crowd is thinning a lot.

wait, how on earth do you have a 4.49 GPA?

So our loss to Oregon looks more and more regular by the week

I don't get why their QB can run like that

We stop the number one runner in the nation

But we let their QB run for 181 yards? WTF?

We play harder this year, but just lack......

….like everything

Yeah, Sorry National Geographic, my rents lived for three weeks without power and didn't riot one bit

well, stadium empty already

i just wanted a spread cover.....

i don't think we can handle our own altitude

dunno why i watch these to the end....

That's some depressing shit Colorado. Even more depressing? Arizona's game thread has six comments, five by the author.

Arizona - Arizona Desert Swarm

Glasses ref confirms Paul Richardson scored on a 75-yard touchdown.

This is quite the game now...

Garic Wharton coughs it up. Buffs look intent on getting that illusive Pac-12 win.

It's like Arizona woke up or something.

Should Denker come out?

a question that goes unanswered.

Stanford 20 - 12 Oregon State

Stanford went back to their grind it out style and followed running back Tyler Gaffney 145 yards down the field.  Gaffney scored three times, including a 32 yard scamper that serves as the Stanford offensive highlight.  Kevin Hogan was 8-18 for 88 yards.  OSU only managed 288 yards of offense, way below what's been their standard 500+.  Sean Mannion went 41-57 for 271 and one touchdown, Brandin Cooks had 80 yards on 9 receptions. Guess this was a good game if you like defense?

Oregon State - Building the Dam

poor mannion

dang one step forward two back

Dang

why do they keep passing when they can get anything they want on the ground?

I can't believe we are winning a defensive struggle so far

Crap

You have to be kidding me

uh oh

Mike Parker is spumping

if Reser stadium were oriented 90 degrees differently, we'd be up by 30

I guess they can't handle a little success.

I hear Portland's women's soccer team is stacked

..with talent I mean

Ruh Roh

Geez....that was ugly.

I think my grandmother could have run through that hole and she's dead.

Hey, what just happened?

Is that normal?

our pass protection is a joke

Hoey!

As Coach Riley would say

Coach Riley's way of saying

"Shit"!

this team kills me

Need heart pills

I'm no spumper

but at least we know we’re… kinda for real maybe?

can win a couple more games perhaps

Building the Dam: Home to the only game thread in existence that can be read aloud to 5 year olds in Sunday school. That can be a badge of honor, or something.

Stanford - Rule of Tree

Well. That was a terrible fumble.

Just placed on the ground.

I like boring and effective

That was a great catch by OSU

Pass Interference has been redefined for this game

Keep running ’til they shut it down

OK, so PI is now grabbing a guy’s helmet and trying to pull his head off. I get it.

This is really getting ugly

Have no idea which coach is trying to out dumb the other

Gaffney is playing at a Toby Gerhart level. He needs 30+ carries again

Mannion is pretty accurate

I fear our offense more than Oregon, OSU, or any other

Mannion has a cannon.

Stop passing.

I realize he’s the backup kicker, but you should be able to find someone better than that.

Here's an idea: Sanders + Gaffney in same backfield...

Oh my torture.

Poop

You have to be kidding.

NOW YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!

This blows

Thank god we're playing Oregon at home.

Dear David Shaw,

The elephant package picks up 50% of the required yards 100% of the time. By my recollection, faulty though may it be, this was the 3rd game this season where converting a third down in short yardage would have immediately led to the victory formation. This is also the third such game where you chose to run the ball straight up the gut with zero misdirection or any pretense of a run outside. Please stop.

Thanks,

A concerned alumnus

I take it back. Apologies Beavers, Stanford is equally PC in the most G rated way possible. Poop.

California 17 - 41 Washington

Holding Bishop Sankey to 241 yards is no way to win a game, Cal. Sankey had two touchdowns, a first half average rush of 11.8 yard/carry, and Keith Price added a couple more, including a 68 yard bomb to Jaydon Mickens to snap the Huskies' recent skid in PAC-12 play. The Golden Bears are reasserting themselves as the North cellar dweller on a weekly basis, but Jared Goff is still moving their offense, completing 32-54 for 336 yards and a touchdown following a week where he was challenged as the starter.  Keep your head up Cal. And good to hear the Don James tribute went well for our rivals, great coach deserving of a great memorial.

So, dogs, what do you have to say for yourselves?

Washington - UW Dawg Pound

Woof! Dammit. Woofwoofwoof.

I am the best ever

LETS WIN THIS FOR THE DAWGFATHER. RIP DJ.

Crap cameras, too. Fox HD is more like MD.

Sark is wearing a hat. Weird.

Damn, thats a good punt.

give the ump a helmet

Mickens always has a jacked up jersey. Pull that thing down son.

KP looks better. Playing Cal helps, no doubt.

then Badorado next week

Craporado?

BREAKING NEWS: ASJ wears pee wee shoulder pads.

we should not ever have to punt against Cal

What the hell is Price doing?

Cals unis are ugly....don't like the flat color helmets. The shiny helmet looks better.

When did Cal's defense become better than its offense?

How happy do you think Shaq Thompson is that he didn't end up going to Cal?

Well fuck me....that was an ugly defensive effort.

Kasen landed hideously. If he's Okay after that, he really is Superman.

Underthrow city

And what shitty play calling.

God Damit

You have to be fucking kidding me.

Sankey looks good, rest of the team: crap

We are so lucky Cal is terrible

Or we would be in trouble now

approaching embarrassment levels

I love how Price has one good drive at the beginning and then looks like total shit the rest of the night.

This game has been unfortunate so far

this is getting fucking stupid

fix your shit Wilcox

Good god this is getting ridiculous.

Cal has Sankey on their fantasy team.

How bad would the offense be without Sankey

Man our special teams is bad

Yay special teams

Jesus I thought Price was going to be decapitated

Our protection is such shit

Sadly, I think we may have seen Kasen's last game with the Huskies.

Pac 12 officials. Best in all of football.

We need to score 45 points

to put the fear of God into Colorado.

Cal fans are basically Oregon fans if Oregon's football program stunk.

And a fitting close to this week's wrap up -- DOOOOOM

California - California Golden Blogs

Oregon St looks really, really, really terrible right now

Mannion is just standing there like he’s on downers and getting obliterated by the pass rush.

Oh man, this uni combo + the huskies colors is ugly in SD

above average opening drive for us

a first down, and no fumble.

I so look forward to special teams play

Well, relative to everything else.

CAL FOOTBALL MAKE ME HURT

LOL DELAY BECAUSE THE REF GOT HURT

bending and breaking

This sucks

We can stop our tribute to Don James now.

Man....

We are terrible…

Am I drunk for thinking this old guys in Vegas movie looks amusing?

Is your team struggling? QB injured and low on confidence?

Trouble finding your All American TE?

Well, come play Cal and all your troubles and ailments will be cured!

We specialize in making struggling teams, QBs, offenses, and defenses look like national title contenders.

we are a good scout team for teams to play right now

We forced a third down!

"Cal's defense has struggled in the first quarter this season." Thanks announcers.

And the second quarter. And third quarter. And the fourth quarter. And halftime.

ZOMG we forced a punt

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!!!

all my hopes for this year stanford lose out washington 7 and 5

GODDAMMIT SONNY WE HIRED YOU TO NOT PUNT ON THOSE PLAYS

punting is winning!

I need some fuckin’ tacos. Someone bring me some tacos.

UW is effective running the ball because they are playing Cal.

i have a feeling sanky is gonna kill us

did we used to have an offense--or was it an illusion?

We're still in this

Only a two score game. Definitely closer than I thought it would be at this point.

What’s a world series?

the score is we fuckin’ suck

Goff looks like a wounded elk when he runs

im not sure if i like sonny or not

How much cluster f@ck suck time must we endure before sonny gives Kline the ball?

shitty tittys

EVERYONE DO A SHOT!

our god damn coverage sucks

And thus ends our 6th scoreless quarter out of the last 10 quarters.

can we kick now?

I DON'T WANT ANYONE FIRED!

WOOOOO

I made it to the 2nd quarter and I’m still awake.

Also, we still suck in the red zone.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH A MEANINGFUL TOUCHDOWN SCORED WHEN THE GAME IS HYPOTHETICALLY IN DOUBT I CAN’T BELIEVEIT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

not shut out!

whoo

OMG WE CAN HAZ TOUCHDOWN!!!!!

fuck stanfurd

It’s like the World Series of Poker, but with baseball.

Lucky as fuck not to be picked

Luck is a horse-faced caveman.

can we please stay competitive before halftime?

Goff throws up a ball without looking and completes a 49 yard pass.

That even looked on purpose.

Everyone knows

that is the time to call a draw.

It might be the whiskey talking...

But I don’t like sonny dykes’s face…

Real talk, my gf is at target and denied my request of a tmnt foot soldier action figure so I’m extra bitter…

sideout washington

If they call that a late hit i will punch my TV!

Oh go fuck yourselves Pac-12 refs.

I’m going to call UW #18 "douche"

Well, there goes my dream of a 17-7 halftime score

EVERYONE DO A SHOT!

Well, fuck. So much for the score looking respectable

Welp. Looks like I can go to bed now.

Basketball season pls

same fold different origami animal

I hate those face shots of Dykes everytime something happens. I’ve never seen a guy look so astounded at how badly things are going

COVER. THE. SPREAD.

Chickensheet time out called by Sark with 5 seconds left in the half.

Taking a knee after that is a dick move...

what a dick, sark, what a dick

I'm sure your second half threads are equally entertaining, but I like the tone where this ended.  Roll on, you Bears.

Now you're all caught up on PAC-12 football from the weekend, in only 4617 words.

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