In case you missed the Top 10 picks for the inaugural CougCenter NFL Mock Draft, you can go here to check them out. For those of you who were on the ball and read every fantastically written word, you get a pat on the back. If I had gold stars to hand out, you'd get them, too. Just take solace in the fact that you are now my favorite, and those who failed to read it are my not favorites.
Today we'll focus on picks 11-20. Onward!
11) Houston Texans -- David Carr, QB, Fresno State
I mean, it worked out the first time. So... yeah. Might as well give it another go since it was such an unequivocal success.
12) Minnesota Vikings -- Silly Adrian Peterson, RB, Poolside?
Well, considering they have the regular Adrian Peterson, drafting Silly Adrian Peterson to be his backup sounds like a pretty solid plan to me. If one of them gets hurt, the other can step up and fill in with almost no drop off in production. The only downside is along with Silly Adrian Peterson, you get this guy. It's kind of a package deal.
13) Detroit Lions -- Megatron, WR/Evil Overlord, Planet Cybertron
The Lions already have one Megatron in WR Calvin Johnson. So in a surprise turn, they draft yet another WR named Megatron. The leader of the Decepticons is definitely one of the most talented players available in this draft, but you have to wonder, will his never ending quest for world domination and the destruction of mankind get in the way of him learning the playbook? Does drafting a WR for the 17th straight year actually help the Lions? Is this the real reason Barry Sanders left? Is Michael Bay a Lions fan?
If he can stay out of trouble, the Megatron Duo will make opposing secondaries shake with fear and scream for help from Optimus Prime.
14) Washington Redskins (via St. Louis) -- Reid Forrest, P, Washington State
The Rams originally held the #14 overall pick, but what Dan Snyder wants, Dan Snyder gets. He traded his team's 1st round selections in the 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019 drafts to the Rams for the right to move back into the 1st Round and select the best overall player in this years draft. Many people were shocked to see Forrest fall this far, but concerns about his pure talent being an unfair advantage led to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell creating the "Reid Forrest Rule." This new rule states that the team who drafts Forrest must play with only Forrest in an 11-on-1 mismatch (still in Forrest's favor). This way, at least the other team will have a chance.
Snyder immediately rejoiced and was quoted as saying:
"Teaming Reid with the Alex Brink Space Pajamas is going to ensure we not only win the Super Bowl, but that we defeat Chuck Norris, The Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Lou Ferrigno in a Battle Royal for the World Heavyweight Championship. With that kind of magic together, the only thing we can't accomplish is making Softy rational. Or thin."
15) Miami Dolphins -- Ray Finkle, K, Stetson University
Soccer style kicker, graduated from Cauler high June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds two NCAA Division 1 records; one for most points in a season, one for distance. Former nickname "The Mule," the first and only pro athlete to come out of Cauler County, and one hell of a model American.
The one downfall of drafting Finkle this high is all the baggage that comes along with it; namely, Lois Einhorn.
16) Oakland Raiders (via Jacksonville) -- JaMarcus Russell's Purple Drank, QB, LSU
Originally, Oakland held the #17 overall pick, but traded it to New England in the Richard Seymour deal. Since Al Davis is crazy and scary, he decided to move back into the 1st Round to nab someone near and dear to his heart -- JaMarcus Russell.
His advisers were vehemently against this move, citing that they had already tried and failed with the Round Mound of Interceptions Returned for Touchdown, but Davis felt different this time.
"This time, we weren't just getting a super talented, super unmotivated kid who had a ridiculously false sense of entitlement. This time, we were getting Purple Drank along with him. Basically, it will be the beverage version of the Alex Brink Space Pajamas."
This, of course, is lunacy. Not only is Purple Drank illegal, but it's purple. Nothing purple could ever be anything other than pure evil.
You lose again, Skeletor.
17) New England Patriots (via Oakland) -- Jet Brady, QB, Washington State (Class of 2029)
Ok, so technically, his name is Jet Moynahan, not Jet Brady. Even more technically, his name is John Edward Thomas Moynahan. I think we all know he'll go by Jet Brady, though. Also unquestioned is his commitment to Washington State University. I don't care if he's 3 years old, let's sign this kid up now.
Since the Patriots and
Darth Vader Bill Belichick can't clone Tom Brady, they've decided to do the next best thing -- draft his offspring and then send him to the sports institution where Ivan Drago trained.
I MUST BREAK YOU.
18) San Diego Chargers -- Dan Fouts' Beard, QB, Phil Knight University
I realize the Bolts are set at QB with sidearm gunslinger Philip Rivers. However, drafting Dan Fouts' magical beard might just be the thing that pushes the Chargers over the top.
Think about it. San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson was good when he was clean shaven. When he turned into Wooly Willy, the Giants won the World Series. Jayson Werth was always a solid outfielder, and then he grew a massive beard. He recently signed a 7 year, $180 billion dollar contract with the Nationals. I was not an author for CougCenter with a smooth, freshly shaven face. I grew the beard, and the rest is history.
You cannot argue with the science of beards.
19) New York Giants -- Bill Parcells Sweater, HC, Florida Retirement Community
It was an extremely close call between Parcell's sweater and Plaxico Burress' elastic waistband. In the end, however, Tom Caughlin figured the sweater would match his red face.
Burress, in an angry uproar after not being drafted by the Giants, proceeded to shoot himself in his own leg.
20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Creamsicle Steve Young, QB, BYU
I realize Josh Freeman looked like a stud last year, but how can you argue with the creamsicle jerseys of a young and Tom Hanks-in-Big-lookalike Steve Young? I mean, look at that hair. It's pretty impossible to not love the direction the Bucs are going in with this pick. They obviously came with a plan, and they are executing that plan to perfection.
Tomorrow's post focuses on 21-30, and we'll finally get to see what the Seahawks are doing. See you kids tomorrow.