With the draft actually happening tomorrow, this will be the final installment of the 2011 CougCenter NFL Mock Draft. If you for some reason haven't read the first two parts of this three part epic mini-series, then I urge you to go back and read them here and here.
Today we finish off the first round, and look at picks 21-32. We will also see what the Seahawks will do with the 25th overall selection. Fear not my friends, there are no more Reid Forrest jokes from here on out. I promise.
21.) Seattle Seahawks (via Kansas City) -- Larry Bernandez, QB/SP, University of Phoenix
The Seahawks traded up from #25 to grab Bernandez, and all it cost them was Kelly Jennings' broken ankles. The Chiefs didn't even ask for the Seahawks' #25 pick in this deal. They felt Jennings' broken ankles were enough to satisfy their need for a below average body part in their secondary.
Bernandez is clearly talented, but he doesn't know when to call it a day sometimes. Many people see him as risky because of his inability to stop being awesome. I mean, at some point, you've got to sleep.
Larry Bernandez doesn't sleep. He waits.
22.) Indianapolis Colts -- Advertisement Peyton Manning, QB, SouthEastern Sprint MasterCard University
What a back up plan the Colts have in place. Their franchise QB, Peyton Manning, has been one of the most reliable QBs in NFL history. However, Manning isn't quite as young as he once was. Fortunately for the Colts, Advertisement Peyton Manning never ages.
23.) Philadelphia Eagles -- Mark Wahlberg as Vince Papale, WR, Philadelphia Eagles Try-Outs
Andy Reid loved the movie Invincible. When his advisers told him Mark Wahlberg is an actor and didn't really play football, he decided to risk it and draft Marky Mark anyways.
"Sometimes you just have to take a risk. I've watched the Invincible DVD at least 20 times, and every time I watch, I get reminded of how underratedly hot Elizabeth Banks is. Also, Charlie from Fringe is in it. If you look closely, you even notice a post-Waterworld Jeanne Tripplehorn. I'm confident that Mark will help us on Special Teams, in street football games played in the rain with car headlights on, and tending bar. He's really versatile."
24.) New Orleans Saints -- BEES MOW, RB, Cal
The Saints are set at QB with Drew Brees. What the Saints lack is a dominant RB who doesn't have to share carries with five other guys. While this cuts into former Washington State practice squad standout Chris Ivory's playing time, ultimately, the Saints couldn't pass up BEES MOW.
I mean, after he did this to them, I feel like it's an "if you can't beat 'em, draft 'em" kind of thing.
25.) Oklahoma City, OK -- Washington Huskies Men's Basketball Team
In a shocking twist, the town of Oklahoma City has traded their NBA franchise, the Thunder, back to Seattle for the #25 pick in the draft, 5% stock in the Pacific Science Center, and Howard Schultz. The city of Seattle rejoiced as their beloved Sonics were welcomed back to town, and the hated Huskies were shipped to the worst state in the US. It was a win-win for everyone involved.
26.) Baltimore Ravens -- Trent Dilfer, QB, ESPN
With starting QB Joe Flacco obviously too young to run the team, Ravens go back to the best QB they've ever had. Dilfer comes in with an understanding of the game no one else has ever possessed in the history of football. If you've ever listened to him on NFL Live, you know instantly that he is the smartest man alive, and he is never wrong.
On a related note, I laughed for a good 10 minutes at the link to his picture. His face looks like he just smelled Paul Wulff's deuce in Spencer Waseem's house.
27.) Atlanta Falcons -- Bill Goldberg, DT, WCW/Georgia
As many of you know, Goldberg ran amok on Monday Nitro during the late '90s for Ted Turner's World Championship Wrestling. What you may not know is that Bill Goldberg's mother is a classical violinist.
Also of note, Goldberg actually played professional football at one point for these very same Atlanta Falcons. No, I can't really believe it, either. But hey, here's proof.
28.) New England Patriots -- THIS PICK HAS BEEN FORFEITED DUE TO THE NFL LOCKOUT AND SPYGATE
The Patriots were upset for a little while, and then they realized they have Tom AND Jet Brady. They'll be fine.
29.) Chicago Bears -- Lauren Conrad, KR/PR, The Hills
What's that you say? LC to the Bears doesn't make any sense whatsoever? Well considering Bears QB Jay Cutler just proposed to girlfriend Kristin Cavaliri, I'd say this pick makes perfect sense.
Cutler has been known to be a bit of an unlikeable guy, and since the Bears can't make people like him, they said "screw it" and went full throttle in the opposite direction. If this were the WWE, Cutler would be turning his back on his tag team partner, costing him the title. JR would scream "OH MY GOD, THAT'S LC'S MUSIC!" and someone else would come in to save the day and put Cutler over as a bigger heel.
It's perfect. Everyone can focus on LC's historic rise and championship reign, and Cutler can cry. On the bench. While his backup plays.
30.) New York Jets -- Michelle Ryan's Feet, K/P, Rex Ryan's house
I don't really feel like a joke is necessary for this one.
31.) Pittsburgh Steelers -- Big Ben, Clock Tower, London, UK
The Steelers came oh-so-close to winning another Super Bowl this past year with Ben Roethlisberger at the helm. Since Ben has expressed his desire to shed the "Big Ben" nickname, the Steelers went with the next best thing:
The real friggin' clock.
How is this going to work out from a logistical standpoint you ask? Well he's obviously going to be an offensive lineman the likes of which this league has never seen. He'll block for Ben all day long. He'll make sure to tell the other team what time it is!
Also, he can make sure Ben is home early, in his bed, not at college bars in Georgia.
32.) Green Bay Packers -- Aaron Rodgers' Championship Belt, QB, Cal (Jr.)
I could have made a Brett Favre joke, but I felt the need to acknowledge Aaron Rodgers' awesomeness instead. So, sorry guys. No funny jokes to end this thing. Just awesome GIFs.
I hope you all enjoyed CougCenter's look at the 2011 NFL Draft. We'll be back after the actual draft this weekend with a recap of how right we were.