I hope you have been studying, because the test is this week.
You see, for the last couple weeks, we’ve been running an exhibition in this column. Online gambling is illegal in the State of Washington and I promise to any law enforcement officials that there has been zero activity in my online sports book account (to everyone who is not a law enforcement official: wink).
But the pre-season is over, my friends, and now this weekend we will climb into steel birds and descend onto the most holy of holy lands: the Las Vegas sports book. Dozens of televisions showing live games! Endless flow of alcohol! All major credit cards accepted! (I will report back next week on whether or not I am allowed to use my Bon Marche card. Fingers crossed!)
Your wife will probably want you to head to the pool with her all day Saturday, but your desire to make enough money to buy your own pool will be too overwhelming to ignore. Wear your floaties into the casino and call it a draw.
Week 3 picks after the jump!
WASHINGTON STATE -8.5 @ UNLV: If you’ll recall in the pre-season, the opening line for this game was WSU -18. I thought it was free money then. Now keep in mind it is bad karma to bet on your own team, but this isn’t really betting. This is taking advantage of people’s overreaction to the BYU game (my own included). Plus, if WSU doesn’t cover, you can take solace in knowing that football season is over for you and you have ten Saturdays to spend doing whatever it is productive people do on weekends. Fair warning: We’re now 0-2 on "Free Money" picks this year.
CALIFORNIA +16.5 @ OHIO STATE: West Coast team playing at 9 AM alert! If I’m a Cal fan, I’m becoming increasingly worried about this team. They were able to score 50 points last week without being able to sustain many drives against an FCS school, which seems kind of fluky. This feels like a three-touchdown difference, so feel free to bet the Buckeyes.
ARIZONA STATE +6.5 @ MISSOURI: I am very bullish on the Sun Devils. Their offense has done whatever it has wanted over the first two weeks, and we’re still a few weeks away from the "Todd Graham to Auburn" rumors start to really pick up. Not only do I say take the points, but I’m laying a +230 Money Line on the Devils this weekend. Prepare to read a retraction on twitter in a few days.
USC -9 @ STANFORD: USC continues to be overvalued (are 0-2 ATS so far) and are giving another three free points for what clearly should be a six point spread. Thank you for over-betting the Trojans, America. We will continue to take your money. Take the Cardinal and the points.
COLORADO +15.5 @ FRESNO STATE: So just take everything I said about Arizona State and throw it into the Bizarro-universe and that’s where you can find Colorado. There really isn’t a spread high enough for me to put any of my lazily-earned money on the Buffs. Colorado reminds me of WSU from about five years ago when we tried to convince ourselves we were a basketball school. (Which reminds me: I still hate you, Tony.) Take Cal State and give the points.
BYU -4 @ UTAH: Brigham Young moves into phase two of their Pac-12 championship portion of their plan for global domination. After just three weeks into the season, Utah comes to the realization they are the third best team in the state of Utah this year. That can’t be good for the Pac-12. But the conference was able to survive with WSU over the past three years, so it has proven it can survive even the very worst disasters.
Houston +17 @ UCLA: Ride the hot streak while it lasts. UCLA is starting to get noticed by Vegas and is being a little overvalued now. I think this is a 14 point spread. However, I say bet UCLA until they don’t cover. Don’t mess with a good thing. Fire Chianti Dan, but take the Bruins.
ARIZONA, WASHINGTON & OREGON vs. DIRECTIONAL TECH; OREGON STATE vs. BYE: The Beavs are only going to play one game this year aren't they? Well, two, if you count the National Championship.
Last Week: 5-4
Overall: 9-9
Good luck and hopefully you finish the week with a small fortune; provided you didn’t start with a large one.