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With the Cougs on a bye, let's take a look around the conference and see how things are going elsewhere.
Utah 3 - 19 USC
Utah continues it's trend of being completely unpredictable, but they haven't won in the Coliseum since 1916 so more people should've seen this coming. Travis Wilson threw for 51 yards and 2 picks, battling through a finger injury that was obviously giving him some problems. Utah marched to the USC 25 and kicked a field goal on the opening drive, and everything that followed was bad.
Let's check in with Utah fans...
Utah - BlockU
I only wish Kiffin was still around
So we could get some of his trademark lost little lamb looks when his team loses
Ya, Screw Corso...
Always picking against the rest of the Pac-12. NOT SO FAST, Lee.
Utes by 10!
orgeron's voice
Holy crapnuggets
wilson running
Awkward but effective
Defense is beautiful right now.
Da fuck was that?
Fuck. This sucks.
The USC game or The Saturday I got "sad" drunk before 3pm.
Our line is the shits
The ONE time you actually run the sweep
its when you need inches??? Fucking hell
ugh...what year is it? is it 2012 again?
I feel like I'm in the fucking twighlight zone
Schulz warming up on the sidelines
throw in the towel
fucking fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck ass fuck
What the hell is wrong with this team
We're not good.
Apparently, I raced back to my house for nothing
Wow, what the fuck happened?
You didn't miss much
unless you like screaming at your TV in anger amd frustration
We can't tackle.
At least Utah has no penalities in the game so far...
Thank God for the bye week coming up
And USC, you guys cool?
USC - Conquest Chronicles
Guess giving up a FG on the Utes 1st offensive drive is better than 7
Our receivers always get their hands on the ball, just never hold on
And another drop by a WR
This offense makes me sad.
Nelson Agholor touchdown!
Fuck yeah.
dunno why Utah ran a sweep with a QB taller than the yardage for 1st down
Now we're down to losing walkon TE's
ESPN color commentator just said USC had more depth than Utah
What world is he living in?
Martin pissed at another Walker false start....he's good for at least 2 per game
Would hate to see our D give up Utah's only TD here in garbage time
Win is a win !
An now they are interviewing Coach Cookie Monster…..could listen to him talk all day :)
UCLA 14 - 42 Oregon
GameDay went to Eugene for a match up of two top teams on the West Coast. The UCLA defense came off the bus ready to play, forcing a turnover on Oregon's opening drive and setting the offense up to take the first lead of the game. The first half played even, adhering to the customary ritual of Oregon playing with its food. The Bruins traded TDs with Ducks for three quarters, then Oregon did what Oregon does and their offense exploded for a 21 point 4th quarter.
History books are written by the victors, what say you Ducks?
Oregon - Addicted to Quack
MD should lose just for wearing those freakish helmets
COME ON, ACC, STOP BEING SO TERRIBLE.
MAKE IT END GODDAMMIT
Not even the Maryland fans care
OH FUCK YOU, MARYLAND.
Low class by Maryland
throwing so we can’t watch our game!
WORST START SINCE THE LAST ONE
ALRIGHT IM PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.
LIKE FUCKING SERIOUSLY
FUCK
WHY DO WE HAVE SUCH SHITTY STARTS AGAINST EVERYBODY WITH A PULSE?!
EVERYONE CHANNEL DAT AND TURN THE FUCKING CAPS ON.
I LOVE TALKING TO MOMS
HEY, IF THE FUCKING BALL IS 8 YARDS DEEP IN THE FUCKING END ZONE, KNEEL DOWN. THEY GIVE YOU 25 FREE YARDS.
I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL HATE FOR BRENT MUSBERGER
OFFENSIVE LINE USES BLOCK NOBODY
OFFENSIVE LINE HURTS ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION.
FIRE EVERYONE.
FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK
I'M GOING TO START WATCHING THESE GAMES
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 2ND QUARTER FROM NOW ON.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT BIG BALLS HELF!!!!
FAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEEEE
BIG BALLLSSSS HELFRICH
BIG BALLZ HELLFY!
DID I JUST SEE THAT?
OR WAS THAT A NYQUIL DREAM?
ENORMOUS BALLS
WHEN THEY SHOWED MALDONADO JUMPING TO CATCH THE SNAP, I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED
ENORMOUS BALLS = MOMENTUM SWING AND TD
DRIPPING WET
UCLA HAS A WHITE GUY RETURNING KICKS?
Don't tell me UCLA is going to 4, 5, 6 yard us to death
WAZZU BLUEPRINT
HUNDLEY'S ACCURACY GOES TO POO POO WHEN HE'S ON THE MOVE.
Terrible playcall on 4th down by Mazzone
EXCELLENT fUCLA
DON’T DO ANYTHING CREATIVE, JUST GIVE US DA BAW
TRUST YOUR HOLE, BRYON.
I FEEL AS IF WE'RE PRETTY FORTUNATE TO BE TIED NOW
Brett Hundley 4/5 22 YDS
DEM DERES HEISMAN NUMBERS
BYRON MARSHALL
ALWAYS RUNS TOWARDS THE SAME ENDZONE- ONLY EFFECTIVE IN THE SECOND AND FOURTH QUARTERS
JESUS GUYS THAT WAS A THREE BEER FIRST QUARTER
I AM CONCERNED WITH THE NUMBER OF ENDER'S GAME ADS AND THE AMOUNT OF CGI
IT HAS A HIGH PROBABLITY OF SUCKING ASS
WAY TO TAUNT AND GIVE US 15 YARDS YOU BITCH.
What a fucking piece of shit.
Classy helmet to helmet hit and then sleep gesture. Fuck off to hell.
SCOREBOARD JACKASS
I CAN'T WAIT TO KICK THEIR ASS
THIS GUY IS A DOUCHE
OH, FUCK THESE GUYS.
ALRIGHT...FUCK THESE GUYS! KILL THEM ALL!
IF I WERE A BN MEMBER I WOULD SO BE BANNED RIGHT NOW
Just asked on the ESPN board:
"OK to taunt TWICE. Why? Because he’s a white guy?"
Yawn
UCLA’s Defense apparently thinks they have a chance in this game. That’s cute.
I'M A PACIFIST AND I WANT BLOOD HERE
NEED MORE NYQUIL
WONDER IF IT MIXES WITH VODKA
IT'S A GOOD THING WE DON'T HAVE A LINEBACKER WORTH A FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW.
CONTAIN AND MAINTAIN A FUCKING GAP.
IF I HEAR THEM SAY "FRESHMEN" AGAIN, I'M GONNA PUKE
4/7 22 YARDS AND 1 INT
MAKE HIM THROW EVERY FUCKING PLAY.
PUT LYERLA IN
HAVE HIM TRUCK THAT WHITE GUY’S ASS.
JESUS CHRIST
THIS IS LIKE POURING ACID INTO MY EYES
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
THanks for not showing up Ducks
I REVISE MY EARLIER STATEMENT
I BELIEVE I WILL START WATCHING IN THE 3RD QUARTER FROM NOW ON.
DON'T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE TO BE #2
WE ALREADY AREN'T #2
I want to shake my fist angrily at someone for this.
GOOD JOB GUYS. GREAT FIRST HALF
DRUNK
SO WHEN YOU GUYS TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF, DO YOU JUST SIT ON YOUR FURNITURE OR...
THIS GAME IS A SHITSANDWICH
WHY DO WE LOOK LIKE SHIT IN EVERY FIRST HALF THIS YEAR? FOCUS FOR FUCK’S SAKE
WHY THE FUCK IS MALDONADO KICKING FIELDGOALS
GODDAMMIT I KNOW WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO POST PERSONAL ATTACKS BUT MALDONADO IS HORRIBLE AT KICKING FIELD GOALS
Why couldn't it have been Maldonado in a car using Cocaine?
Its pretty ridiculous that he is still on the team.
This is fucking stupid.
Done with caps, what’s the fucking point. Team doesn’t care to show up.
Ducks are obviously taking a dive in the first half to prove they can win a close game in the 4th quarter.
YOU GUYS YOU GUYS
FLORIDA STATE HAD THEIR WAY WITH A SHITTY ACC TEAM TODAY, WE SUCK BECAUSE WE ARE UNABLE TO DO THAT.
be happy everybody
I'M GOING TO WATCH
LORD OF THE RINGS ON TNT FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO I CAN GET MY HEAD RIGHT.
I DON’T KNOW WHY LOTR WILL GET MY HEAD RIGHT BUT I THINK IT WILL.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO BEAT MY WIFE'S DOGS FOR A BIT.
I HAVE TAKEN OFF MY PANTS
AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO TAKE OFF MY UNDERPANTS
YOU ALL SHOULD BE AWARE
SERIOUSLY TACKLE BETTER GUYS
HOW DOES BRENT MUSBERGER NOT KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE MARIOTA'S NAME YET?
/BANGS HEAD AGAINST TABLE
This is an embarrassing game.
NICELY DONE OFFENSE
FACEPALM
GLAD SOMEONE NOTICED
ALIOTTI’S STRANGE EWEB ENDORESMENT
OFFENSE STILL MAKING ME WISH I HAD ALCOHOL.
HEY I RUN THAT PLAY IN NCAA 14
DID YOU KNOW UCLA HAS 18 FRESHMEN?
OH YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING HRONISSING ME
You're f-ing kidding me
OH HOLY LIVING MOTHER OF DERP!
hey guys i think we might blow this
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS
IF WE WIN THIS WE"RE BULLETPROOF
YEAH, OUR D SUCKS SO TOTALLY HARD. FUCKING WORTHLESS
Forget the heisman
We’ll be lucky to get to the NCG with this shit
JUST LIKE THAT!
SUCK IT, DOUBTERS.
HELFRICH MUST HAVE TAKEN HIS PANTS OFF
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A KICKER?
I LOVE THE QUINOA COMMERCIAL
I REALLY REALLY DO
I SO WANT TO MARRY THE DEFENSE RIGHT NOW
AND RAISE THEIR BABIES
PLAY THE MOTHER FUCKING FIGHT SONG!
DUDUDUDUDUDUNT DUT. TEQUILA.
SWEEP THE LEG ON THIS FUCKING DEFENSE
LOL OUR BEST KICK COVERAGE IS KICKING IT TO THE 20 AND WATCHING THEM DERP.
DEAR HELFY: RUN UP THE FUCKING SCORE
CONSIDER IT AN ORDER
What questions am I asking who at post game press conferences?
WHERE DOES THE WHITE GO WHEN SNOW MELTS.
ASK NICK ALIOTTI IF UCLA'S PERFORMANCE ON DEFENSE WAS BULLSHIT AND BUSH LEAGUE.
ASK HOW MUCH BOOSTERS NEED TO PAY
TO INSURE WE GET A KICKER IN THIS RECRUITING CLASS
ARE YOU HAVING A HARD TIME CONVERSING WHILE STARING AT MY JUNK?
JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST
WHY IS MUSBERGER STILL FELLATING ANDREW LUCK?
TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING DUCK
I think Musberger is drunk
Again
I WANT TO BE PERPETUALLY AS HAPPY AS DE'ANTHONY THOMAS
FRUIT IS LIKE A HEALTHY CANDY
STFU BRENT HIS EX-GF STILL DOESN'T WANT YOUR OLD MAN DICK
Mora being the anti-Leach on that last drive
classy
"What did you say to the guys at halftime?"
"Well, we all took off our pants and screamed at the top of our lungs about how much we suck. After 20 minutes of that we were ready to come out and dominate."
Way to be, champs. Bruin's Nation seems slightly aggravated by their offensive coordinator.
UCLA - Bruins Nation
Cade . . .
may your spirit live on in our memories. And if you’re at today’s game, please don’t forget your blue placard.
via fwgnfl.com
Nobody gives a crap about an acc game that is all but over
clemson sucks
Get that overhyped team off the TV already!
Hey, look, the Oregon uni's aren't too ugly
Hey, anyone know how Utah is doing?
Not well.
TD BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First blood has been drawn!
Has anyone scored so fast on the Ducks this year?
Damn lucky not to get a flag
Wow
These guys are pissed
ELLIS F'N MCCARTHY AND ZUMWALT
beast moding
Damn fake punt
treat play
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Sneaky bastards
I watch Iowa for getting burned on fake punts, not the Bruins, dammit!
Our coaches better not let the team get humilated by this crap
So much for momentum...
White Mamba at work
Outcoached again
That's what fucking happens
This fucking guy is starting to piss me off
I've seen enough of Mazzone
Ok system, terrible playcaller
Geez...
How big is that stadium? Seems like there’s a million people in there
This game is going to get out of hand quick
Wth Calzone’s playcalling
If we only have to make one play a series, we'll be in good shape.
Deanthony Thomas is just too damn fast
Come on Mazzone, Brent is even calling your plays
shitty playcall
smfh
Very bland play call
HORRIBLE CALL
I'm done with Mazzone
Odd call
but glad we tried
Vanilla new spelling for Mazzone
Mora/Mazzone playing for moral victory
Sigh....
Goddammit.
Well, at least Oregon isn't wearing their highlighter yellow unis today.
btw, you're down by 7 against the Almighty Oregon
Aliotti says you’re supposed to quit, you low-class losers
Mazzone is getting embarrassed tonight
That Thor commercial was cool.
They're going to throw Zumwalt out
That is NOT a penalty god damnit
Bullshit call
This is bullshit. Looks like shoulder to shoulder to me
Bruins must get more almost-interceptions than any other team
Holy shit Zumwalt is a BOSS
They. Have balls to throw
Defense led by ZUMWALT
playing with swagger. We need that
The O needs to play with Zumwalt's attitude
Refs calling a clean game so far
Wow I was sure that flag was going to be on us
This is actually the best Pac-12 crew.
UCLA never gets these guys.
Interception
So close, damn it
blah blah blah freshman blah best team in the country blah
God damnit.
Jerry neu?
Welp, that one's not on play calling, at least.
Very winable. Let's Go.
Announcers being complete twits
Offensive player lowered his head, too.
WHY ARE WE RUNNING
THROW THE BALL
Incredible kids. Win today. Win for years.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THIS GAME
Three man rush is for pussies.
Barr's uni falling apart
He is so badass
that or adidas makes their unis outta toilet paper...
Good freakin half!!
Fuck oregon and fuck espn
We don’t have a chance blah blah mariota is a god blah 3 freshman on the line blah blah blah
Mustyburger is a jack ass.
I LOVE MALDONADO
the gift that keeps on giving, favorite duck ever <3
Lou Holtz's face looks like a catcher's mitt
Zumwalt decided to show we aren't soft.
I want my daughter to marry zumwalt
she’s 5, but I know he’d wait
We Got EM WHERE WE WANT EM
Forced to go to a Halloween party
So I only got to watch until the hundley interception and now listening on AM radio, but MAN I’m really hoping we can pull this out! I keep praying but sadly realizing that God may not really care about football. Haha
Kids are leaving it on the field
MEMO TO MAZZONE: LETS HAVE SOME BALLS IN THE SECOND HALF!!!!
I don't even want to take my shoes and socks off, don't want to change anything after that great 1st half.
Mazzone playing for the punt
Mazzoned
I am just wondering when Spanos punches Mazzone
Someone needs to kidnap Mazzone.
UCLA cover and under looking super legit right now
oh yah
oregon is very fast
Mazzone is going to cost us .... AGAIN
I wish Gus Johnson was calling this game for us
floodgates opening
guess Oregon made some adjustments
That is such a goddam waste
throw the fucking ball man
Jesus Mazzone!
WTF is going on
Looks like Mazzone is happy playing field position.
We lose.
here comes another 32 yard punt
F Nick Aliotti
we're playing so conservative
fuckin punting is winning
hate that fucking duck
4th Quarter Is Ours Dammit
mazzone is calling a shitty game
again…
Our QB and OC both suck a bag of dicks right now.
This can get ugly real fast
Here comes the 21pt loss.
JIM MORA
FIRE mazzone, you will never get to the next level with him.
welp we tried.
forever mediocre
I feel like I wasted my afternoon
How does it make us feel that WSu is better offensvely
Bowl eligible
Uh… Not sure we’re gonna make it, sports fans
Hey, we look great against lower level teams though, don't we?
this isnt even a moral victory
Who will be at homecoming next week?
Arizona 44 - 20 Colorado
Good job, good effort Colorado. Zona extends the Buffalo's PAC-12 losing streak to 12 games behind Ka'Deem Carey's 119 yards on 23 carries and four touchdowns. Bonus points to Colorado for keeping Carey from being the leading rusher, minus points for allowing Wildcat QB B.J. Denker to rack up 192 yards on 15 keepers. Also bonus points for trying a fake punt from your own 17, and for Paul Richardson trying to fight his cousin that plays corner for Arizona.
Take it away Buffs.
Colorado - The Ralphie Report
How's the Crowd?
read on twitter that it was bad- 100 or so students as of 20 minutes to kick off
Ugh, ugly pink buffalo on the helments
so they'll just methodically move down the field all day and we'll just randomly throw bombs like madden....
what could possibly go wrong?
Do the "throw it to Richardson" thing again
That’s a pretty good play
Wow we look like a football team right now
SOME BULLSHIT
We need this half to end
wow, those doors blew open fast
FUCK ME RUNNING.
Well, this sucks
Looks like crowd is thinning a lot.
wait, how on earth do you have a 4.49 GPA?
So our loss to Oregon looks more and more regular by the week
I don't get why their QB can run like that
We stop the number one runner in the nation
But we let their QB run for 181 yards? WTF?
We play harder this year, but just lack......
….like everything
Yeah, Sorry National Geographic, my rents lived for three weeks without power and didn't riot one bit
well, stadium empty already
i just wanted a spread cover.....
i don't think we can handle our own altitude
dunno why i watch these to the end....
That's some depressing shit Colorado. Even more depressing? Arizona's game thread has six comments, five by the author.
Arizona - Arizona Desert Swarm
Glasses ref confirms Paul Richardson scored on a 75-yard touchdown.
This is quite the game now...
Garic Wharton coughs it up. Buffs look intent on getting that illusive Pac-12 win.
It's like Arizona woke up or something.
Should Denker come out?
a question that goes unanswered.
Stanford 20 - 12 Oregon State
Stanford went back to their grind it out style and followed running back Tyler Gaffney 145 yards down the field. Gaffney scored three times, including a 32 yard scamper that serves as the Stanford offensive highlight. Kevin Hogan was 8-18 for 88 yards. OSU only managed 288 yards of offense, way below what's been their standard 500+. Sean Mannion went 41-57 for 271 and one touchdown, Brandin Cooks had 80 yards on 9 receptions. Guess this was a good game if you like defense?
Oregon State - Building the Dam
poor mannion
dang one step forward two back
Dang
why do they keep passing when they can get anything they want on the ground?
I can't believe we are winning a defensive struggle so far
Crap
You have to be kidding me
uh oh
Mike Parker is spumping
if Reser stadium were oriented 90 degrees differently, we'd be up by 30
I guess they can't handle a little success.
I hear Portland's women's soccer team is stacked
..with talent I mean
Ruh Roh
Geez....that was ugly.
I think my grandmother could have run through that hole and she's dead.
Hey, what just happened?
Is that normal?
our pass protection is a joke
Hoey!
As Coach Riley would say
Coach Riley's way of saying
"Shit"!
this team kills me
Need heart pills
I'm no spumper
but at least we know we’re… kinda for real maybe?
can win a couple more games perhaps
Building the Dam: Home to the only game thread in existence that can be read aloud to 5 year olds in Sunday school. That can be a badge of honor, or something.
Stanford - Rule of Tree
Well. That was a terrible fumble.
Just placed on the ground.
I like boring and effective
That was a great catch by OSU
Pass Interference has been redefined for this game
Keep running ’til they shut it down
OK, so PI is now grabbing a guy’s helmet and trying to pull his head off. I get it.
This is really getting ugly
Have no idea which coach is trying to out dumb the other
Gaffney is playing at a Toby Gerhart level. He needs 30+ carries again
Mannion is pretty accurate
I fear our offense more than Oregon, OSU, or any other
Mannion has a cannon.
Stop passing.
I realize he’s the backup kicker, but you should be able to find someone better than that.
Here's an idea: Sanders + Gaffney in same backfield...
Oh my torture.
Poop
You have to be kidding.
NOW YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!
This blows
Thank god we're playing Oregon at home.
Dear David Shaw,
The elephant package picks up 50% of the required yards 100% of the time. By my recollection, faulty though may it be, this was the 3rd game this season where converting a third down in short yardage would have immediately led to the victory formation. This is also the third such game where you chose to run the ball straight up the gut with zero misdirection or any pretense of a run outside. Please stop.
Thanks,
A concerned alumnus
I take it back. Apologies Beavers, Stanford is equally PC in the most G rated way possible. Poop.
California 17 - 41 Washington
Holding Bishop Sankey to 241 yards is no way to win a game, Cal. Sankey had two touchdowns, a first half average rush of 11.8 yard/carry, and Keith Price added a couple more, including a 68 yard bomb to Jaydon Mickens to snap the Huskies' recent skid in PAC-12 play. The Golden Bears are reasserting themselves as the North cellar dweller on a weekly basis, but Jared Goff is still moving their offense, completing 32-54 for 336 yards and a touchdown following a week where he was challenged as the starter. Keep your head up Cal. And good to hear the Don James tribute went well for our rivals, great coach deserving of a great memorial.
So, dogs, what do you have to say for yourselves?
Washington - UW Dawg Pound
Woof! Dammit. Woofwoofwoof.
I am the best ever
LETS WIN THIS FOR THE DAWGFATHER. RIP DJ.
Crap cameras, too. Fox HD is more like MD.
Sark is wearing a hat. Weird.
Damn, thats a good punt.
give the ump a helmet
Mickens always has a jacked up jersey. Pull that thing down son.
KP looks better. Playing Cal helps, no doubt.
then Badorado next week
Craporado?
BREAKING NEWS: ASJ wears pee wee shoulder pads.
we should not ever have to punt against Cal
What the hell is Price doing?
Cals unis are ugly....don't like the flat color helmets. The shiny helmet looks better.
When did Cal's defense become better than its offense?
How happy do you think Shaq Thompson is that he didn't end up going to Cal?
Well fuck me....that was an ugly defensive effort.
Kasen landed hideously. If he's Okay after that, he really is Superman.
Underthrow city
And what shitty play calling.
God Damit
You have to be fucking kidding me.
Sankey looks good, rest of the team: crap
We are so lucky Cal is terrible
Or we would be in trouble now
approaching embarrassment levels
I love how Price has one good drive at the beginning and then looks like total shit the rest of the night.
This game has been unfortunate so far
this is getting fucking stupid
fix your shit Wilcox
Good god this is getting ridiculous.
Cal has Sankey on their fantasy team.
How bad would the offense be without Sankey
Man our special teams is bad
Yay special teams
Jesus I thought Price was going to be decapitated
Our protection is such shit
Sadly, I think we may have seen Kasen's last game with the Huskies.
Pac 12 officials. Best in all of football.
We need to score 45 points
to put the fear of God into Colorado.
Cal fans are basically Oregon fans if Oregon's football program stunk.
And a fitting close to this week's wrap up -- DOOOOOM
California - California Golden Blogs
Oregon St looks really, really, really terrible right now
Mannion is just standing there like he’s on downers and getting obliterated by the pass rush.
Oh man, this uni combo + the huskies colors is ugly in SD
above average opening drive for us
a first down, and no fumble.
I so look forward to special teams play
Well, relative to everything else.
CAL FOOTBALL MAKE ME HURT
LOL DELAY BECAUSE THE REF GOT HURT
bending and breaking
This sucks
We can stop our tribute to Don James now.
Man....
We are terrible…
Am I drunk for thinking this old guys in Vegas movie looks amusing?
Is your team struggling? QB injured and low on confidence?
Trouble finding your All American TE?
Well, come play Cal and all your troubles and ailments will be cured!
We specialize in making struggling teams, QBs, offenses, and defenses look like national title contenders.
we are a good scout team for teams to play right now
We forced a third down!
"Cal's defense has struggled in the first quarter this season." Thanks announcers.
And the second quarter. And third quarter. And the fourth quarter. And halftime.
ZOMG we forced a punt
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!!!
all my hopes for this year stanford lose out washington 7 and 5
GODDAMMIT SONNY WE HIRED YOU TO NOT PUNT ON THOSE PLAYS
punting is winning!
I need some fuckin’ tacos. Someone bring me some tacos.
UW is effective running the ball because they are playing Cal.
i have a feeling sanky is gonna kill us
did we used to have an offense--or was it an illusion?
We're still in this
Only a two score game. Definitely closer than I thought it would be at this point.
What’s a world series?
the score is we fuckin’ suck
Goff looks like a wounded elk when he runs
im not sure if i like sonny or not
How much cluster f@ck suck time must we endure before sonny gives Kline the ball?
shitty tittys
EVERYONE DO A SHOT!
our god damn coverage sucks
And thus ends our 6th scoreless quarter out of the last 10 quarters.
can we kick now?
I DON'T WANT ANYONE FIRED!
WOOOOO
I made it to the 2nd quarter and I’m still awake.
Also, we still suck in the red zone.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH A MEANINGFUL TOUCHDOWN SCORED WHEN THE GAME IS HYPOTHETICALLY IN DOUBT I CAN’T BELIEVEIT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.
not shut out!
whoo
OMG WE CAN HAZ TOUCHDOWN!!!!!
fuck stanfurd
It’s like the World Series of Poker, but with baseball.
Lucky as fuck not to be picked
Luck is a horse-faced caveman.
can we please stay competitive before halftime?
Goff throws up a ball without looking and completes a 49 yard pass.
That even looked on purpose.
Everyone knows
that is the time to call a draw.
It might be the whiskey talking...
But I don’t like sonny dykes’s face…
Real talk, my gf is at target and denied my request of a tmnt foot soldier action figure so I’m extra bitter…
sideout washington
If they call that a late hit i will punch my TV!
Oh go fuck yourselves Pac-12 refs.
I’m going to call UW #18 "douche"
Well, there goes my dream of a 17-7 halftime score
EVERYONE DO A SHOT!
Well, fuck. So much for the score looking respectable
Welp. Looks like I can go to bed now.
Basketball season pls
same fold different origami animal
I hate those face shots of Dykes everytime something happens. I’ve never seen a guy look so astounded at how badly things are going
COVER. THE. SPREAD.
Chickensheet time out called by Sark with 5 seconds left in the half.
Taking a knee after that is a dick move...
what a dick, sark, what a dick
I'm sure your second half threads are equally entertaining, but I like the tone where this ended. Roll on, you Bears.
Now you're all caught up on PAC-12 football from the weekend, in only 4617 words.