The WSU Sports Judges are back in session

The bye week is back and so are the WSU Sports Judges. It has been since our last bye week that we've sat on the bench but the good news is the robes still fit. If you've got a question we haven't ruled on, leave it in the comments and we'll making a ruling.

To your questions:

Your honors, my girlfriend who has never been to Pullman for a football game. She's not a huge college football fan but I've finally convinced her to come to the Palouse for a weekend. What are some of the things I can do to ensure she has a great time and wants to come back soon?

Sherwood: You mean besides getting into a time machine and bringing her to a game in September?  I hope you're not bringing her to Apple Cup.  I'm convinced Apple Cup is the primary reason Huskies bag on Pullman so much.  You probably would too if the one weekend you ever visited saw the town and roads covered in ice (and a layer of rocks to get rid of the ice) and everyone in town swears at you based on the Starter jacket you're wearing.   Hopefully this is a question for next season because ain't nobody falling in love with Pullman during hate-week.   My actual suggestion would be to forgo some of the classic staples and show her around town with a StarMaps tour of the reasons you loved your time in college.  Show her how to position three seats in Todd Hall to take a nap without being noticed in lecture, that bush you slept in outside Shakers on your 22nd birthday, the apartment complex that used to be a brothel in the 70s (that probably didn't happen, but she doesn't know that), etc.  People fall in love with experiences in Pullman because there aren't really any landmarks.  Also, take her to the war memorial next to Murrow and have her stand on top of it and talk.  I'm 36 years old and that thing still freaks me the hell out.

Preston: I actually think Apple Cup weekend is a good time to be in Pullman, provided you're not wearing one of those God-awful Starter jackets. The weekend, in spite of its usual bone chilling temperatures, is festive and if you can sell her on the charm of football in the cold and heavy drinking to keep the illusion of an appropriate internal body temperature, I think she'll have a great time. Sherwood does hit the nail on the head with the StarMaps idea. Take her to the choice sledding spots assuming there's snow (golf course driving range, the hill next to Scott Hall) then grab a 36" pizza and try to recreate your greatest triumph of eating the whole thing sophomore year.

Sandritter: I'm going to agree with Sherwood here. As much as I love it, a late November day in Pullman isn't exactly the strongest selling point. The only thing I'd add is to get a decent hotel room. Nothing says a place I would love to revisit like some should-be-condemned hotel room stuck in 1970.

Judges, I'm a freshman at WSU and I'm having a hard time convincing my friends to come back a couple days early for the Apple Cup. They say they'll want the time with their family, I say they'll get sick of ‘em quick and they're going home for almost a month just three weeks later. What say you?

Sherwood: Well first let me congratulate you on already knowing you're going to be bored as hell during Thanksgiving before you ever experience it.  That kind of knowledge takes some kids well into their Junior years before realizing that break is too damn long.   My ruling is for you to leave it alone for a bit and call them the day before Thanksgiving right around the time they're at peak boredom (that gravy the next day is going to cloud their judgement so it is imperative you get commitment from them on Wednesday.)  If they still don't bite, make new friends.  Who wants to be stuck begging those nerds to do cool stuff for four years?

Preston: I, too, applaud you for realizing that you should be in Pullman for the few precious football games you get as a student. I'll admit that as a freshman I went home way too frequently and by the time my junior year rolled around, I only went home for breaks.

WSU's Thanksgiving break is pretty unique in that it's a week long. Then, after being home for about 9 days (including the weekends on both ends) you go back to school for about 17 days and then you're back at home for three weeks. Spend too much time at home for Thanksgiving and then you're sick of being home before the new year. Get back to Pullman and enjoy a rivalry weekend.

Sandritter: Some strong advice above. If they don't bite, use every form of social media you can to shame them. I had a friend in college who wanted to go home early before an Apple Cup. When WSU won I called him and put him on speakerphone with everyone going nuts, so he'd know what he missed. That was even pre-smartphone days. Now I would really rub it in. If that was today, that friend would have received 100 snap chats, text messages, vines and whatever else people use these days.

Your honors, we are blessed as Cougs to have a wide variety of drunk food options after bar close: Tacos La Diferencia, Pita Pit and Munchy'z. If I told you two of the three were closing for good and it was up to you to decide which one stayed open, who do you choose?

Sherwood: Dear God, I'm old.  I've only heard of one of those.  What happened to Beta Dogs?  My vote is still for the old Burger King walk-up window.

Preston: One vote for the current parking building from #TeamOld.

There's a lot to consider here so lets break it down. Since we're assuming you've had a large quantity of alcohol prior to your trip to any of these restaurants, your palate probably isn't too discerning. If your gut is anything like mine, mixing well whiskey and cokes with a gigantic lengua burrito probably won't end very well about 45 minutes following consumption. Plus, Mexican food tends to be quite messy and since I hate doing laundry in the first place.

Pitas are pretty incredible considering all the possible meat and veggie combos. But the wait is usually long and while that's not any different than Muncy'z, you at least have the benefit of being outside while drunk and not in a sauna. The pita may be more contained and a little less messy but the smell coming from the hot dog stand and the ability to pop a squat on the frat's lawn while you wait makes it the winner.

Sandritter: Geez, yeah Sherwood, you are so old. I've totally heard of two of those places. I've eaten more Munchy'z drunk hot dogs than I'd like to admit. I think essentially every drunk walk home I've ever accomplished in Pullman was done while eating at least one hot dog.

Preston is right, the wait for pitas is way too long. Get in, get a hot dog, get out. It's better walking food too. My real question in Pullman late night food is how the hell is the Jack in the Box so damn popular. Drive by that place late at night and the drive through lane sometimes extends onto Stadium Way. How are there so many people driving to Jack in the Box at 2 a.m.? It's unfathomable.

Preston: Even if you could find a sober person to drive, I never understood going. "Make it when you order it" takes forever when their are two half-baked Pullman High students working and it takes 45 minutes just to get a taco that make actually be carrying swine flu.

What is the best way to sneak alcohol into games? Apparently "in a beer can" isn't high on the list.

From: Dr. Coug-A-Lot

Preston: My buddy used to duct tape a flask to the inside of his thigh. If you're into self-mutilation and yanking out clumps of hair, there's that method. Otherwise, a coat with some hidden pockets will do rather nicely. Since it'll be cold in a couple weeks, you'll have an excuse to layer up and hide some hooch in there somewhere.

Sandritter: In your stomach, problem solved. If you really want to have more to drink during the game, get some pocket shots and stick them in your shoe. And if you are part of the alcohol enforcement team, please don't start checking people's shoes.

For my newly constructed Luke Falk (praise be unto him) shrine should I go with an ocean motif (calmness/poise) or a Native American-style spirit animal of some sort?

From: CarolinaCoug

Sherwood: My religion specifically prohibits me from worshipping gingers.

Preston: Use a picture of Tyler Baker's wolf drinking a mai tai on the beach.

Sandritter: Sherwood brings up a bigger question, is WSU capable of having a non-ginger quarterback? From Halliday to Falk could be something like six straight years of ginger QBs. For how little part of the population they make up, this doesn't seem like a sound recruiting strategy.

As far as the shrine. I think you build it out of gum and set it to a star shots style background, preferably something involving multiple laser beams.

Sherwood: Throw in Marshall Lobbestael and we've been trotting out ginger QB's for the better part of a decade.  Someone check Alex Brink for freckles

Preston: Didn't know CarolinaCoug's real name was Helga Pataki. Huh.

You know how I-90 has those little rectangles in the tire wells in some spots? What are they for?

From: newportcoug

Sherwood: My guess is someone plans to lay down the world's longest Hot Wheels track.

Preston: Leaving each and every miniature Mustang to, somehow, be stepped on by your dad.

Turns out the real answer is a hell of a lot more technical. Explanation from CougCenter member WazzuCMGrad:

In the early days of concrete highway construction, they didn't think of a way to create joints in concrete panels (there's two types of concrete; that which has cracked and that which is going to crack.). In addition, it took a while for them to realize that staggering the joints and skewing them on an angle helped keep harmonics down (the bumps you sometimes feel that often get better, or worse).

Long story as short as can be, many old concrete sections didn't have steel dowels to tie concrete panels together as they do now.  The rectangles you see are a retrofit of dowels into existing joints, to minimize the differential settlement between panels.

TL:DR:  old concrete sometimes gets added retrofit dowel bars to cut down on bumpiness in old highways!

I'm kinda still hoping we can run Hot Wheels in them.

Luke indicated that the OSU matchup was the most complete game that we've played this year so far. I thought the Oregon match was our most complete game (though I didn't go back to rewatch the game). Do you agree with Luke's assessment?

From: riley.meas

Sherwood: Complete meaning the game where Luke Falk started and finished the game the most?  Yes, I agree.  But if you're asking me if it's the best game we've played this year, I think we looked better against Oregon.   Moral Victories for dayz.

Sandritter: I think that every win is called the most complete game of the year. Mike Leach after the Utah game "it was the most complete game we've played since I've been here." Against OSU, the offense was good, the defense was non-terrible for most of the game and the special teams didn't allow a touchdown. If that's the resume of the most complete game then you're having a really rough season. /rechecks the record ... oh yeah, that was probably the most complete game.

Preston: We've got, what, three games to pick from here, one of them being a loss? I'd actually go with the Oregon game as the most complete if they'd rattled off wins against Utah AND California but the defense and special teams got really awful upon return to Pullman. I'll actually agree with Falk, the offense clicked, the special teams (outside of a missed FG) looked pretty decent and the defense held the OSU offense at bay at some crucial times.

Let's say a guy was heading back to Pullman for the Apple Cup. And let's say that same guy was gonna head to a bar (let's say, um, I don't know, Valhalla maybe) one night. This guy really enjoys feeding quarters into the jukebox and picking the greatest song lineup anyone will ever hear. Is there any sort of jukebox etiquette? Max number of songs this guy should play? Are different genres required to keep it fresh? Any other tips this guy should heed? Just curious.

From: PJ Kendall

Preston: I'd say there's just standard "don't bogart the (insert food item/fun thing here)" etiquette. If you're being polite and not completely taking over the playlist, I don't think you have to mix up your genres at all but, what do I know. I was born in the later years of the Reagan administration. I've never used one.

Sandritter: A few years ago, I found myself in a 50's style diner. A friend and I were waiting for our food, standing next to a jukebox. A guy wearing a zipped up leather jacket on a 90 degree summer day walked up and said "move it bub, it's time to rock." He wasted no time selecting Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl. He then proceeded to do some sort of dance/clap thing and attempted to persuade everyone to join. I laughed. He then played Brown Eyed Girl again, then a third time. It was no longer funny. To this day I have the image of him damn near sweating through that black leather, clapping and jumping around screeching sha la la la la la la te da. The moral of this story? Never select back-to-back songs and for the love of all that is holy, never replay a song. As long as you keep a buffer song, you're good to select as many as your heart desires. And in the case there is no one else trying to choose, jam away, just choose a little variety.

Sherwood: One night during Power Hour at Shakers (ask your dad), my friend and I put in $5 and played N Sync's "Bye Bye Bye" 20 times in a row.  We only got through like 8 of them before a bartender unplugged the jukebox.  When it plugged back in everyone cheered...and then it played "Bye Bye Bye" another 12 times.  I watched the world burn that night.