ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGES MARK SANDRITTER AND MICHAEL PRESTON!
WSU Sports Judges court is now in session, please be seated.
/courtroom sits, everyone cracks open beer
Last year, Washington State President Elson S. Floyd came to CougCenter with the simple task: establishing a method to answer any and all questions or disputes regarding Washington State University athletics, student life, etc. So many of those involved with WSU in different capacities had questions that needed answering; questions that require a properly adjudicated and fair answer.
Actually, we just thought of some cool questions a WSU student or alum might ask and answered them. To be honest, Mark and I tried on judges robes during our boys day out in Seattle and thought we looked pretty damn good in them. Then we thought of some cool questions to answer wearing our robes and it all kinda snowballed from there.
If you have a question for the WSU Sports Judges, leave a comment below and we'll answer it right away or if it's a real goodie, save it for another post. Anything you can think of, we want to swing our crimson gavel and rule on. To the questions given to the WSU Sports Judges:
WSU Sports Judges:
You decide to attend the November 22 game at ASU. The forecast calls for some unseasonably cool temperatures so you pack your favorite WSU sweatshirt. Game day arrives and it is 75 degrees at kickoff. You know you'll sweat through your sweatshirt spending a day in the sun, but you packed way too light and your only t-shirt is yellow, ASU colors. Should you suffer through in the WSU sweatshirt or are you allowed to attend a WSU game in opposing team colors if you still cheer for the Cougs?
Michael: Take off the shirt and let your gut and moobs be exposed for everyone to see. You aren't ashamed of your body which has been carefully and artfully sculpted by years of excess eating and beer drinking. So what if those ASU co-eds are offended by your off-putting back hair or skin so white it actually reflects the sun's rays? You're just giving them a preview of what their husbands will look like in 15 years.
You take your shirt off, expose your man bosom to the world and say, "This is who I am, damnit. And I ain't changing for nobody."
Mark: First off, get better packing skills. I disagree with Michael here. If you go shirtless you are going to get sunburned. If you only packed one t-shirt on a trip to Arizona, I know you didn't bring any sunscreen. Sitting on a flight back from Tempe sunburnt sounds awful. I'd go sweatshirt all the way. Sure you might sweat enough to make turn that crimson a shade or two darker, but it's worth it. Roll up the sleeves, hell cut the sleeves off if you have to. I don't know if sleeveless hooded sweatshirts are a fashion style, but you make it a fashion style. And for the love of all that is holy, bring a spare t-shirt next time, rookie.
My significant other really wants to go to Shaker's/Mike's/Stubblefields after the game and is insisting I accompany them. How long am I obligated to stay before I sneak out the back door to go somewhere the floor isn't covered with human waste?
Michael: I can't stand it when a significant other insists on dragging the other to an establishment they can't stand. Do you think by dragging them there they'll enjoy it? It usually ends up in a very public fight or with one of the parties sulking in the corner, looking around at nothing in particular while nursing a flat Coors Light.
You're obligated to stay exactly zero minutes and instead should stay at your drinking location of choice. The wife and I have always been comfortable going to two different places then arranging a meeting spot, usually outside one of the bars we'll be at. We're always a lot happier we decided to split up and meet at the end of the night.
If you do give into spousal pressure, make sure you get a round of penicillin.
Mark: I think the pro move here is to pull the "I'll meet you there, I need to use the bathroom" card. That way you can tell them you will head downstairs as soon as you're finished. Instead, grab a seat at the bar or a booth in the upstairs area and watch whatever sporting event is on TV. You avoid going into the basement, but don't catch any flack. Blame the crowd or whatever other excuse seems convenient when the search party eventually finds you.
I graduated from WSU five years ago and am heading back for a game. I buy a ticket but want to sit on the student section. I'm still young enough to fit in, right? How old is too old to sit in the student section on a non-dads weekend game.
Michael: I have two criteria that must be satisfied on all football weekends for alumni who aren't attending a Dad's weekend as a parent and sitting in the student section.
A) You must still be friends with a current student
B) That student must be an upperclassman
You think you want to sit on the student side but, really, you don't. I'd only been out of school for a year and a half when I sat in the student section and went "Wow, I do not belong over here." Sitting in the student section doesn't help you retain your youthfulness. It reminds you that, in just a few short months, you went from being a student to hating people who are younger than you because you have a porch and a lawn for youths to get off of.
Mark: This seems like a much better idea before you actually do it. "I'll fit right in!" "It'll be just like I'm back in school!" No, you won't and no, it isn't. It's surprising how quickly the student population changes and how much you stick out. Or at least how much you think you stick out. I tied this my second year out of school. I was only 23 and still felt out of place. You're better off sitting in the section for you ticket, better yet, get a club seat. Then you can drink during the game without having to do so from a ziplock bag full of vodka that some dude stowed away in his pants.
I'm going to Pullman for a game, but staying in Spokane. We decide to grab some food in town before driving back. We can only make one stop, where do we eat?
Michael: CD's Smoke Pit in Moscow and this is not up for discussion.
Mark: There are a lot of variables in play here. If it's after the game its A) probably late and B) crowded. Assuming we're during normal business hours, the popular places -- Sella's, Cougar Country, etc -- are out of the question. I'd go to whatever your favorite sit down place is.. You can have a solid meal at Black Cypress or South Fork or wherever you prefer. By the time you're done, traffic out of Pullman will have died down some.
Personally, I'd head to Golden Teriyaki and get a No. 8. Eat half there then take the rest with me so I have another meal when I get back to the hotel. Always have to think ahead.
I've been out of school for 15 years, have a family of four, a house and a job with great pay and benefits. Will there ever be a time coming back to Pullman for a football game and getting smashed on Busch Light isn't acceptable? Should I upgrade to a "better" beer? Also, which drink is more blasphemous to turn down at a Pullman tailgate, a Busch Light or a shot of Fireball?
Michael: There are a whole lot of variables and questions here, best to work through them in a way my miniscule mind can understand: bullet points.
-As long as you aren't getting "Oops, where'd I leave my pants?" drunk in front of your kids, no. If your offspring are hanging around though, probably best to stick to a six beer maximum for the day.
-We're talking about consuming massive quantities of beer here (assuming, from our discussion in the previous bullet point, the kids are at home with grandma) so Busch Light will probably be easier to consume a lot of by comparison. I also don't feel as bad about doing a case race with beer I paid 50 cents a can for instead of $1.25 a bottle. I'm wasting less money when it all ends up behind a rhododendron in three hours.
-Busch Light by a country mile.
Mark: This reminds me of a story my Criminal Justice 101 professor told. Prior to teaching, he was a Pullman police officer. One year on Dad's weekend he arrested a guy, for among other things, streaking down Grand Avenue. This wasn't some drunk kid, it was a dad who -- if I remember the story correctly -- was a manager at Microsoft. He was an alum with a kid now in school and relived the glory years a little too much. You don't want to be the guy who future CrimJ 101 students laugh at.
I agree with Michael on the second aspect as well. Mostly because I've learned some people really hate cinnamon. Personally, I love cinnamon and could eat those cinnamon bears by the bushel. If you are ever going to the movies and don't want to share your candy, buy Hot Tamales and watch people turn down your offer to share.
It has been said in the past that there's a standing offer of $10 million dollars to rename Martin Stadium. Despite the fact that it's named after former governor and Husky Clarence D. Martin, the name has become ubiquitous with WSU athletics. If you had the cash available, would you pay to rename it or would you keep the name?
Michael: It seems hard to believe any school would accept having a stadium named after an alumni of their biggest rival. But Martin Stadium evokes so many memories for countless fans, it'd be hard to change it.
If $10 million buys me Alex Brink Space Pajamas Field though, I'm cutting a check.
Mark: There are a lot of things I'd do with $10 million in cash before I decided to buy naming rights to Martin Stadium. But, if I'm burning money, might as well. The challenge is coming up with an alternative. Too many teams have Memorial Stadium already. Cougar Stadium isn't very good either. There is no former players or coaches that immediately springs to mind. Mel Hein Stadium? Throwin' Samoan Stadium? If Bill Moos keeps orchestrating remodels like he has, it may be Moos Stadium one day.
I'm not saying I'd do it, but Jackson-Price Stadium -- after Keith Jackson and Mike Price -- has a good sound.
I think I'd instead buy first-right of refusal. Keep it as Martin Stadium and have the right to veto any potential changes. That way it never becomes Avista Stadium or Schweitzer Engineering Labs Stadium or Papa Johns Stadium at KFC Park.
Michael: Or Albertson's Stadium
Mark: Boise State obviously should have come to the sports judges before they made that mistake.