Good day Coug fans, and welcome to Week Three of what is quickly becoming the most humbling experience I've had in quite some time. I should have known that taking a jog around Vanderbilt's football stadium wouldn't do anything to turn around my fortunes. I'm not a big believer in omens, but I was bound to have another awful weekend once a few events surrounding the WSU game began happening.
I accompanied my wife to her 20-year high school reunion Friday night. It was scheduled to end around 10:30 p.m. EDT, syncing up with kickoff time for the Cougs. I knew there would be a rally-up at some bar afterward, which would be perfect. My wife could chat with people she pretends to care about while I watch the game. Well, wouldn't you know it, bad things started happening. First, the two kegs (which strongly resembled enlarged growlers) ran dry after I got but one glass of microbrew. Next, a thunder storm began to blow in. We got to the bar right as the storm hit. What happened next? The satellite went out, of course. The first play I saw once I got the signal back was Halliday's first interception. I knew then that it was gonna be a long weekend for both WSU and the Gamble-Tron.
Why I'm a genius: I knew UTSA had something in store for Arizona. Sure enough, they had the ball at the end of the game with a chance to win. Well, until this happened (fast forward to the 3:18 mark), that is.
Why I'm an idiot: Where to start...First, I picked Nevada, but my heart wouldn't let me go through with it and I doubled down on WSU. Putting the last part of that sentence to use has rarely been anything but a recipe for disaster. Second, after watching Fresno State get obliterated by USC, I rode them again at Utah. Second verse, same as the first.
The result was another awful week, 3-6, with a net loss of $80. For the season, Professor Frink's greatest invention is sucking some serious wind, at 5-12 / $845.
As far as the rest of you, I've decided to make this a week-to week proposition. You're free to bet between $10 and $200 per game, and I will publish the results for the previous week's games. I figure that's a better way to invite more participation, and if you miss a game or an entire week, it's no big deal. I'll keep a yearly tally for myself, because apparently I'm into self-flagellation.
Week 2 Results:
- CarolinaCoug: 2-7 / -$115
- Stewak: 4-5 / Even Steven
- Dr. Coug-A-Lot: 4-5 / -$925
- ezcrew: 2-6 / -$220
- harpstar: 2-3 / -$70
- airon26: 4-4 / -$228
- Navy.Coug: 2-6 / -$120
Wyoming at Oregon (-44): If there's a game that's a metaphor for the entire slate of matchups, this is it. Quite frankly, if you're the kind of awful person who gets married during the fall, this is the weekend to do it. Wyoming has started off with consistency, winning its games 17-12 and 17-13, though not exactly against murderer's row. Oregon looked shaky for nearly three quarters last week before pulling away from Michigan State. I hate laying this many points, so I won't.
The Pick: $15 on Wyoming
Illinois at Washington (-13): If there had been a line on the Washington game last week, I would have been all over EWU. Alas, there wasn't. Next to Iowa, Illinois has quite possibly the weakest 2-0 record among power conference teams (if we can still call the Big Ten a power conference), beating Youngstown State and Western Kentucky. I honestly have no idea what to make of Washington. I keep waiting on them to break out and kill someone. Why do I get the feeling I'll write that exact sentence after week 10?
The Pick: $15 on Illinois
Army at Stanford (-29): So, David Shaw, how is life as the 15th Big Ten team going? Punting from the opponent's 29 and 36 yard line? That's straight out of the Jim Delany handbook. Pre-2013 Ron Rivera thinks you need to loosen up a little. Funny how winning cures all, as we've been lamenting WSU's red zone performance for a while now. Stanford's red zone efficiency made WSU look machine-like by comparison. Luckily they get a close facsimile to a bye week.
The Pick: $20 on Stanford
USC (-17) at Boston College: Dear Steve Sarkisian, do you feel better now that you let the entire world know that you can't handle your own business on the sideline? Sarkisian didn't so much out-coach David Shaw as he failed to out-suck David Shaw. Still, that was an impressive win. I think USC will be back-slapping a little bit too much this week, and BC will stay within striking distance until the end. I just wish this was a noon EDT start, and it would be a lock.
The Pick: $15 on BC
UCLA (-8) vs Texas in Arlington: Before the season, this was looking like the best matchup of the weekend. Then the first two weeks happened. UCLA had to scratch and claw to beat previously 3-9 Memphis, at home. Meanwhile, Taysom Hill just leaped another defender and scored again. Texas is in complete disarray, and while UCLA has done absolutely nothing to inspire confidence, Texas is really that bad.
The Pick: $25 on UCLA
Arizona State (-16) at Colorado: I remain mystified at the reasons behind Colorado playing a game at UMass. It would've been even more confounding had they lost to UMass, which nearly happened. Meanwhile, ASU has been beating up on cupcakes. Go ahead and put Colorado in that category.
The Pick: $20 on ASU
Nevada at Arizona (-18): Simply put, Arizona is about to make WSU fans feel even worse about crapping the bed in Reno. Nevada is not a good team.
The Pick: $25 on Arizona
Georgia (-7) at South Carolina: Before the season started, I'm nearly certain Georgia was getting at least three points in this game. Then Todd Gurley and Kenny Hill happened, and here we are. I love Georgia's chances to make the Playoff this year, mainly because of the schedule. However, the Gamecocks always play Georgia tough at home. Also, anyone who has followed college football for a while knows that Steve Spurrier LOVES sticking it to the Bulldogs. Finally, there's this stat from a man who obviously comes from brilliant ancestry.
The Pick: $20 on South Carolina
Now it's your turn, pretend gamblers.