The WSU Sports Judges enjoyed their summer break full of giving up on the Mariners and numerous plates of totchos. Now, though, it's time to get back in session.
As usual, if you have additional cases you need adjudicated, please leave them in the comments and we will make our rulings.
An evil band of 1880s Western style villains have wrecking balls (Miley Cyrus not included) aimed at Cougar Country and Sella's. You only have time to save one. Which do you save?
Sherwood: If we got rid of Sellas, we could probably make that intersection a lot more manageable. Maybe even build a gondola to take you from campus to My Office or something. You'll get over it. Your crayon drawings aren't as precious as you think they are.
Preston: I've had one too many calzones where the cheese wasn't completely melted to allow Sella's to be free from a wrecking-ball sized hole in this scenario.
Sandritter: As much as I like calzones and giant mason jars of beer, this is an easy one to make an unanimous ruling.
As an incoming freshman, what's the one piece of advice you have for me to make my first year at WSU a great one?
Sherwood: Try and stay out of your room as much as you can. Study/Watch TV, etc in common areas. Figure out what kind of drunk you are and what kind of studier you are and if it's possible to be good at both. Go to class. Stay at the games during halftime. Try going to a volleyball or soccer game. Stay off social media as much as possible (I mean, follow me on Twitter; I'm hilarious, but nothing else), particularly after 10 pm. Every single person my age gets down on his/her knees and thanks whatever higher power is listening that Instagram didn't exist when they were in school. Understand why that is.
You will probably do all these things anyway, and you'll still be fine and you'll still have fun. Really, just make friends and don't flunk out. Go Cougs.
Preston: Get out and go meet new people. In all likelihood, you'll know a few people from high school who are joining you at WSU and it would be easy to stay in your comfort zone. Don't. Join a club, find an extracurricular activity, get out and do something that will force you out of your dorm room. You'll meet a lot of great new people this way and probably develop a passion for something you never knew you liked.
Also, if you've never gotten drunk before, don't get there for the first time off sour apple Smirnoff malted drinks. You'll really make a mess of the 4th floor Coman bathroom doing that.
Sandritter: Just because you are away from your parents does not mean you should grow some terrible facial hair or get that haircut they always said you couldn't. They said that because whatever you are trying to grow looks terrible. So no, do not grow a circle beard or some chops or or whatever. Trust me when I say this from experience, it all looks awful and in 10 years everyone will find those pictures and mock you. The "I was 19, I didn't know any better" excuse doesn't do much to end the laughter as your friends pass around an iPhone with pictures of whatever you were trying to grow.
Oh yeah, have fun, go to class, make friends, all that jazz.
Sherwood: Well, now I'm demanding to see that picture.
Preston: I'm going to join Judge Sherwood in that demand.
How old is too old to shotgun a Busch Light upon your return to Pullman aka God's Country?
Preston: If you can deal with the inevitable hangover that's coming (because if you're shotgunning a beer, you're drinkin' a hell of a lot more), then there's no limit. Just try not to get the beer all over yourself.
Sandritter: The last time I shotgunned a Busch Light I started yelling for someone to deliver me falafels 20 minutes later. I don't even like falafels. So my scientific answer is 28 years old.
Sherwood: When you're old enough that peer pressure doesn't bother you. So, probably somewhere in your 70's.
At what age is it appropriate to take your niece to a Cougar football game? She's 2 right now. Since I'm the godfather she gets plenty of WSU stuff to offset her Husky parents influence. She even knows the WSU fight song.
Preston: No age is too early to begin learning lessons of soul crushing dIsappointment when you give all your love to something. Go to the Portland State game, find a seat in the shade, and have a good time.
Sandritter: The extent of my knowledge about children is that they exist so I'm not exactly the most qualified judge here. I would say, however, it depends on your circumstances and how much travel is involved. That can become a long day really quickly. At 2 years old I'd say start them on beer and save the hard stuff for at least their third birthday. Wait, no. I'm being told that may not be the best idea.
Sherwood: At 2, you might be able to finagle your way into the game without buying her a seat, so clearly you can go now. We started taking our kid when she was 2 months old, so I'm probably not the best role model if you think there's an age that's too young. Last year she spent the entire season running through the club section asking strangers for popcorn and I saw roughly 20% of the season (not the worst thing in the world last year), so the answer is probably whenever you're willing to pay more attention to her than the game.
How many times does the student body have to chant "Stand Up!" before those crusty ol' donors grab their canes and stand up on their replaced knees? We have the MO-mentums people, get off your cushioned seat. Hawkinson can't win this on his own!
Preston: I'm old and my knees hurt. Sit down and get off my lawn.
Sandritter: Ah yes, the alumni don't cheer loud enough and the students don't stay long enough arguments. Truly a tradition unlike any other. Instead of spending all of the energy yelling at each other, I think both sides should come together and focus the collective energy in yelling at the opposing kickers/punters and free throw shooters asking if they breathe during their kick/shot. It works for me, everytime I need to screw up someone's golf swing.
Sherwood: I think the real question is how old will you be when you catch yourself grumbling about the current students not being spirited enough. Standing and yelling is a young man's game. Watching the game with my hands over my eyes is mine. Stay in your lane, young buck.
Best way to sneak a whole pizza into a game please.
Preston: Come in with a wheelchair and have it taped to the underside of the seat. Abandon the wheelchair once inside. Enjoy pizza.
Sandriter: Make a D-FENCE sign out of old pizza boxes so it has a hollow interior but paint it Crimson so it doesn't look like a pizza box. Fill said hollow interior with pizza. Open your D-FENCE sign once successfully inside and bam.
Sherwood: Can you not bring pizza to the game? I swear Pizza Pipleline used to deliver to the student section in the 90s. That might be the bleach talking. Hook up with the guy upthread trying to bring in the 2-year old. Toddlers get away with everything.
Would you live in Pullman as a non-student? The wife and I are seriously considering this, but I'm worried about "ruining" Pullman for myself by seeing it as only permanent, non-student adults/families can.
Preston: I've thought about a few times and I think the answer for me is yes. As long as you go into it with the mindset of the adult you are, not the 21-year old you were. You'll always have the memories of your college days anyway. If you can live 90 minutes from the nearest medium-ish sized town without a gigantic pool of friends immediately surrounding you, I say go for it. Hell, I'd rather live in Pullman than spend another day in Centralia.
Sandritter: As long as you don't expect Pullman to be the Pullman from when you were in school, I think it's a fine place to live as a non-student if you enjoy small town life. I would have no issue living there, but I also know that my Friday nights wouldn't be spent at Valhalla. If that's what you're planning/hoping for then probably not the best idea.
Sherwood: It depends if you are comfortable being referred to by students as a "townie." I can see some benefits, but Pullman is really set up for the students, so if it were me, I would always have that crazy person in the back of my head telling me I'm not supposed to be there For what it's worth, I have good friends who moved back to Pullman a year or so ago and they love it. But I think if I were able to jam them full of some truth-serum, they are probably looking forward to football season more than most people just so they can see people they know.