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WSU vs. Rutgers: Distractions 101 - 'Fun of the Week' Style

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Sometimes you need to find a way to have a little fun with football when football might not be at peak fun levels.

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Hi guys. Since this is my first post, let me do a quick little introduction. I'm Brynne, and I've been a Coug fan since my college days - which were long enough ago that I witnessed a few truly great football teams. So one, I'm old, and two, at least I've got good memories to offset these dark days? Anyway, I have no sports-y technical analysis skills, so I'm here hopefully for some fun and a non-analysis look at random WSU sports-y (and non-sports-y) things. Such things will likely include a weekly drinking game, "treasures" found on the internet, and when possible a bar experience recap. More on all of that later.

So, this is supposed to be a fun little hodgepodge of random things - not necessarily to take our minds off on-the-field atrocities, but I guess that could be considered a bonus - but Saturday has continued to bug me and a few words about it came out. It's a late take, which is probably good because there's no cussing, but it's still snarky, sullen thoughts on something we'd all probably rather forget.

I lied to my dad on Saturday. It's not the first time, and it wasn't even the best and certainly not the most creative lie I've ever told, but it's the first one in a long time. He asked if I'd watched the game. And since I apparently like to associate impotent frustration and intense suffering with things I love, I had indeed watched.

But without hesitation I told him I hadn't. "Nope! No." There might've been pained, forced laughter and cringing involved, too. I don't really know. Why not just say "I don't want to talk about it?" Sure, that seems like the right move in hindsight, but in the moment, disavowing any personal knowledge seemed like the best move. The biggest commitment to denial.

Look, it was only four hours after the game had ended, and talking about it sounded less appealing than pulling out my own teeth with a pair of needle nosed pliers. Basically, I didn't have the stomach for it. So, he said some words about it and I went into a rage blackout, and I probably grunted out some form of acknowledgment at the pauses in his one-sided conversation, and that was that.

Long story short, this football team brought the liar out of me, and I still don't want to talk about it. Thanks for that, guys!

Hey, this was supposed to be fun, and since no one has shared their happy pills yet, let's talk about alcohol.

Drinking Game of the Week: Rutgers

Here's a funny/sad thing: when I first started thinking about doing some form of a drinking game of the week, I wrote this:

"The first few weeks of the schedule are a little dangerous when it comes to creating individualized drinking games. Case in point: it's probably not a great idea to take a shot every time the Cougs score a touchdown if we're working off the theory that they should score a lot of touchdowns, particularly the first couple weeks of the season."

Hahahahahaha. Sigh. Apparently that was a terrible theory, and I should refrain from ever postulating. I mean, we scored so few touchdowns that I would sign off on brain surgery from a doctor who'd taken the corresponding amount of shots to our touchdown total. As far as I know, I don't even need brain surgery - unless poorly performing fandoms can be excised? Kidding, kidding ... unless that's a real thing, then by all means, email me.

There's a certain amount of insult being added to injury with these early game times, too. Day drinking is a glorious thing that I fully support, but it seems like there are drinking and watching risks with this team. Like, once you start, can you stop? But since I'm not your mom and I'm not judging your drinking habits, let's do the damn thing.

First things first: play at home. It's safer and cheaper, but also no one will see your tears or when you break your own phone because you threw it at the TV. Save the humiliation for the office on Monday when your coworkers taunt you. "Wow. I mean, an FCS team? Wow. How does that even happen? Wow. Ha. Haha."

So this week, let's drink to the following:

  1. Take a shot every other time the five dismissed Rutgers players are mentioned. Yes, every other. Don't worry, mind numbing oblivion is still headed your way.

  2. Drink every time Falk under/over/throws behind the receiver. Alternatively if you believe the receivers have the dropsies, you can take a shot every time a WSU wide receiver drops a catchable ball.

  3. Take your pants off after WSU's fifth fourth third second touchdown in celebration. Maybe shotgun a beer, too.

  4. Take a half shot if/when a defensive player drops a would-be interception.

  5. Chug a beer/Fireball/whatevs for every "Leach is so quirky and funny and blah blah blah" story.

  6. Take a shot each* time the camera pans to Leach on the sideline looking confused or vaguely disinterested. *Use discretion if this gets excessive.

Bar of the Week

This space will normally be filled with observations on the game day experience at various WSU friendly bars in the Seattle area, but I'm going to let the place I visited last Saturday off the hook. The early start was a terrible crowd killer, and by the time people started trickling in the game was ugly. The vibe was pretty awful - which isn't representative of the place generally - so they get a pass for now, and I'll head back to throw away more money later in the season.

Coug Things for Sale on the Internet

As you're probably aware since you are currently using the internet, there is a lot of sports team-themed stuff for sale out there. The things you'd expect are out there: team mugs, apparel, hats, headbands, bottle openers, beer koozies, stadium photographs, dog collars, etc.  If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed I'm obsessed with crap for sale on the internet. A lot of it is really fun, covetable stuff, like the WSU football Pez dispenser I found on eBay. Some of it is weird, wacky, or confusing. And some of it is horrendous and/or disturbing.

Since Saturday's game qualifies as horrendous and disturbing, let's look at a couple items out there that fall in that category. Or, what to get your Coug friend who already has it all. And that you maybe kind of hate.

Let's start with this little gem. This one is too easy, to be honest.

g-string

As stated in the weirdly repetitious description, this is a male, G-string thong for men underwear in WSU fabric. The item description would like you to know the seller is NOT affiliated with the university. The university would probably also like you to know that. It's supposedly intended for "personal use", is lined for comfort*, and one size fits most - if you're medium to large. So.

*According to a review, it might be lined with felt. Still gave it 3 stars!

The one upside to this product is the price: $8.99 is a fantastic price. Also, seven people have favorited this product on Etsy. That has to be a sign of quality.

This bracelet is a different story, and it is awful in a different way.

bracelet

This one is from a local seller, so maybe I should feel bad mocking it. But they also have similar items for the University of Montana, Alabama and PLU for some mysterious reason, so whatever. If you're selling items themed to more than one university (particularly in the same state), you're fair game for mocking. Sorry, not sorry.

Look, if you want to screw with your wife or girlfriend, get her this. It is jewelry, so it seems like you're trying even though it's terrible. This is a cluttered, gaudy piece of crap that is barely WSU adjacent. There are only two charms that even reference WSU, and the rest is a cacophony of red and silver junk that looks like cheap Christmas balls shrunk to bracelet size. It's also not functional. You can't type comfortably with that thing on! And the $40.00 price tag is a crime.  $40.00 for a bracelet so overloaded with cheap charms and "bright silver" that the wearer would probably get their hand pecked off by crows trying to steal the shiny bits.

That bracelet is horrendous, and I apologize for the disturbing visual. Crows most likely can't actually peck a person's hand off, but you don't want to tempt them.

And that's all for now. Hopefully this Saturday will provide less angst ridden results and the people at the bar I choose will not be all big, lame dullards. That's not exactly shooting for the moon; neither of those things should be too much to ask.