Pac-12 Football odds and picks: The Gamble-Tron, Week Nine

Welcome back. It finally happened. After only eight weeks, we managed to lose all of our winnings from 2015. I mean, it’s all pretend money, but it still sucks. It’s pretty funny how hard I root for these picks every week, despite the fact that there isn’t any actual money on the line. But there is pride, yadda yadda yadda.

Here’s the funny (not really) thing. Gamble-Tron and brother-of-Gamble-Tron are in a league where we have to pick three games against the spread every week. We’ve hit the three-team parlay FOUR TIMES in eight weeks. We’re 17-7 overall. Do you know how hard that is? And yet, here I am, 10 games below the Mendoza line and in the red. Uff da.

Why I’m a genius: Finally got on the Buffalo train. Sure, it was long overdue, but better late than never? It was an ugly game, but still a winner, so I guess it was actually a thing of beauty. Utah may have been the most obvious pick in decades, so it’s hard to take much credit for that one.

Why I’m an idiot: Let’s start off with a game that was actually the biggest winner of the day, narrated by one tweet:

You see, Oklahoma State rallied to win by 24. So if I won that one, why am I an idiot? Well, once again, I spoke too soon. It was mostly downhill from there. Let’s go over that, shall we?

Cougs, again, you had it covered all the way up until the part where you didn’t. Washington was up 38-3 early in the third quarter, then apparently decided to let Archbishop Murphy’s opponents put on purple and get a little run for the heck of it. Oh, hey there, Cal. All you had to do was make a goddamn field goal and I’d have hit on the “Under.” BUT NOOOOOO.

Also, you were up 21-0 when I hit the sack. Is it too much to ask that you only get outscored by 17 the rest of the way? I guess so. Thanks alot for showing us all why you’re the most overrated team in the country, Nebraska. You’ve sucked forever, you still suck, and you’ll continue sucking.

Last Week: 3-4-1

Season Total: 28-38-1

Cash Balance: -$175

Reader Results:

• Ryan Eames: 5-2-1 (I’d consider retirement?) / $270
• wsu4life: 2-2-1 / -$20
• stewak: 1-3-1 / -$230
• TheOriginalCougMan: 2-3-1 / -$130
• BothwaysUphill: 3-2-1 / $80
• cmaddex: 3-1-1 / $190
• Dr.Coug-A-Lot: 3-1-1 / -$85
• MileHighPharmer: 3-4-1 / -$140 (at least you nailed Iowa’s total?)
• ptowncoug3012: 3-1-1 / $210
• hollyweirdcoug: 2-4-1 / -$240

Bring out your dead.

Cal (+16/-105) at USC (-16/-115): So once again, here we are. Cal can’t play any defense. Also, they’re playing on a Thursday after playing on a Friday. Meanwhile, the home team had a bye. I’d imagine Sonny Dykes is madder than a wet hen. Either way, I don’t think Cal keeps this close.

The Pick: $115 on USC

Washington (-10/-110) at Utah (+10/-110): You know what sucks? Ok, besides our picks, jerks. What also sucks is the fact that UW could have beaten OSU worse than they beat Oregon, but the head OKG took his foot so far off the gas that the car died. I was all set to take UW here, but something tells me Utah keeps it sort of maybe close, getting a meaningless touchdown to sneak the cover in through the doggy door.

The Pick: $110 on Utah

ASU (+8/-110) at Oregon (-8/-110): This line isn’t nearly as bizarre as Utah-UCLA, but...huh? We’ve seen Oregon the last few weeks. Off the top of my head, here are the only Power Five teams over whom Oregon should be favored by a touchdown: Kansas, Purdue, Rutgers, B.C., Iowa State, Illinois, Arizona and maybe Missouri. You know who you don’t see on that list? Arizona State.

The Pick: $110 on ASU

WSU (-13/-110) at OSU (+13/-110): As I’m writing this, we all found out that Robert Barber will not be with the team anymore this season. I am upset. Very upset, for many reasons. Anyway, back to football. The Cougs have not been nearly as kind to the point spread as they were last year. I’d complain about how I can’t get the Cougs right this year, but I can’t get any team right.

The Pick: $110 on WSU

Stanford (-5/-115) at Arizona (+5/-105): Just when you thought WSU had a late start, this one starts even later! Arizona has to be the only team that has even more late games than WSU throughout the season, and that’s saying something. Stanford hasn’t had hardly any late games this season (except against WSU because of course). I don’t know what any of this means, but at this point, I can’t pretend to have any angles on these games.

The Pick: $115 on the Fighting Chrysts

Air Force (-13.5/-105) at Fresno State (+13.5/-115): The Zoomies got off to a great start, but it’s been all down hill since they beat Navy. Fresno State just fired its coach. USAFA is due, and Fresno is bad. Really bad. Really really bad.

The Pick: $210 on the Falcons (Yes, it’s obvious that I’m chasing money at this point. No, I’m not done)

UCF (+9/-105) at Houston (-9/-115): I don’t know what’s going on with Houston, but I applaud them for laying a stink bomb at SMU and deflating this line.

The Pick: $460 on the Texas Cougs

Tennessee (-13/-110) at South Carolina (+13/-110): I once read a book called Ugly Americans. It was light and somewhat entertaining. Anyway, toward the end of the book, one of the characters makes what they call an “Eff you” trade. That is, he makes a deal that nets him millions of dollars. Well, South Carolina is starting a kid at quarterback who should be a senior in high school right now. Let’s call this my “Eff you” bet.

The Pick: $1100 on Rocky Top