Pac-12 Football odds and picks: The Gamble-Tron, Week Six

Welcome back. As I mentioned a a bit ago, this column seems to ebb and flow with the performance of our favorite football team. Such was the case again last week. The Cougs hung half-a-hundred (plus 1) on Oregon, and the Gamble-Tron had easily its best week of the season. This can’t be a coincidence, can it? Ok, it’s totally a coincidence, but we’ll take it.

Why I’m a genius: Pack a lunch, we’re gonna be here a while! Well, that’s not our style, because it’s much more fun to be self-deprecating. Texas Tech really made me sweat, but then their backup QB came in and tossed another four touchdowns. Easy money! How ‘bout those Terps! We told you that the USC line stunk to high heavens. Sure enough, bullseye. Oh, and tails never fails. Take it to the bank, kids.

Why I’m an idiot: Gee, I don’t know. I thought Utah could score a touchdown WITH THREE CHANCES FROM THE GODDAMN TWO YARD LINE. AM I YELLING? IT FEELS LIKE I’M YELLING. I SHOULD PROBABLY BE YELLING LOUDER BECAUSE THE TEAM PLAYING DEFENSE WAS CAL. CAL!!! I also thought Colorado was primed for a classic letdown/look-ahead scenario against the Beavs. No such luck. Oh well.

Oregon alumnus gym guy update: Oh, how I was looking forward to going to the gym on Monday. I’ve never seen Oregon alumnus gym guy anywhere but the gym. As I was walking through the parking lot, I saw an “Oregon Alumni” license plate frame, so I was sure he was there. The next part will stun you. Oregon gym guy drives a Subaru wagon. Nothing against Subaru wagons, but if I had one guess as to what Oregon gym guy drives, that would be it.

So I walked in and immediately spotted Oregon alumnus gym guy, standing in the smoothie line. I looked at him, he looked at me, and he immediately diverted his eyes back to the person in front of him in line. I could not have written a more perfect scenario. We both knew who had “Scoreboard,” and nothing else needed be said.

Last Week: 6-2 / $780

Season Total: 21-24-1

Cash Balance: $815

Reader Results:

• Navy.Coug: 3-5 (Looks like the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy is headed home) / -$50
• BothwaysUphill: 4-4 / -$40
• MileHighPharmer: 5-4 / $60
• Dr.Coug-A-Lot: 3-5 / -$394 (I’m not sure you’d be allowed to bet $1 on a game)
• stewak: 1-6 / -$555 (The bad triple nickel)
• cmaddex: 2-4 / -$240
• hollyweirdcoug: 3-5 / -$250
• Ryan Eames: 2-4 / -$235

Colorado (+5/-110) at USC (-5/-110): One of these teams is ranked. The other team is USC, because sports! USC had quite the rebound game last Saturday, making easy work of ASU. Colorado really has it rolling, having won the Oregon state title in the last two weeks. Call me a traditionalist, call me old, call me in the middle of the night when I’m up going to the bathroom. Either way, I just can’t take the Buffaloes here.

The Pick: $110 on USC

Washington (-8.5/-115) at Oregon (+8.5/-105): Last time Washington beat Oregon, I was living in Wichita, was newly-engaged, childless, and renting three-bedroom house for $950 per month. Since then, I got married, had two kids, moved four times, and am paying considerably more than $950 per month to rent my house. What I’m saying is it’s been a long time since UW beat Oregon. That stops Saturday. UW can name the score, and this line should be at least a touchdown higher.

The Pick: $110 on Washington

Cal (-13.5/-110) at OSU (+13.5/-110): Cal seems to be alot better than we thought they’d be. OSU is about what we thought they’d be. That’s not good news if you’re a Beaver fan.

The Pick: $110 on Cal (Info note: Cal is my new UCLA)

Arizona (+9.5/-110) at Utah (-9.5/-110): Seems like a bounce-back spot for the Utes here, as they lost a game they very well should have won last Saturday. Arizona is just in a bad way. If the trend continues, they’ll be holding open tryouts for quarterbacks on campus. Man, I can’t imagine what it must be like to root for a team in such dire straits.

The Pick: $110 on Utah

UCLA (-10/-110) at ASU (+10/-110): Man, I don’t want any part of this game. The injury to Manny Wilkins (which is the least quarterback-ey name in the conference, possibly the nation) will probably be the difference here. Brady White is the temporary guy for ASU. You might remember that WSU pursued White before taking Tyler Hilinski when White chose ASU. Either way, one of Jim Mora’s headhunters will probably take a shot at White that’ll put him out of the game. It won’t be a penalty though, because we know why.

The Pick: $110 on UCLA

WSU (+7/-110) at Stanford (-7/-110): This line opened at 12.5 and almost immediately dropped five points(!!!) If you got in on the Cougs early, but still think Stanford will win, this was a tremendous chance to bet both sides. That’s where I am. While I won’t be surprised if WSU wins the game, I just can’t pick them to win at Stanford, which is weird since Leach’s worst team almost won there despite the fact that Jeff Tuel almost didn’t make it out alive.

The Pick: $110 on Stanford

TCU (-28/-115) at Kansas (+28/-105): I fade Kansas until they stop me, Wilson.

The Pick: $220 on the Horned Frogs

It’s now that I realize I took every favorite on the board. WHAT COULD GO WRONG??!!