Things are bad, guys. For the second weekend in a row, the Pac-12 portion of the Gamble-Tron’s picks were somewhere between grease fire and dumpster fire. Thank heavens for our out-of-conference picks, or we’d be on skid row. Speaking of which, where exactly is skid row? Does it even exist? Has anyone actually seen it? I know nobody would admit to ever having seen Skid Row the band, but I digress.
It was bad enough that we got pantsed for the second Pac-12 week in a row, even worse that our beloved football team got atomic wedgie’d. So it’s time to set a new course, since the old path was fraught with disaster. Yes, things really are that bad. But first...
Why I’m a genius: Uh, um, well, uh, I was pretty sure Cal wasn’t very good. That one was easy. Other than that, we have to step outside the conference again. I totally didn’t deserve to win that Georgia Tech game, but deserve ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. Never a doubt with my Gamecocks! (ok lots of doubt but it was still a win)
I also decided to stay on the Missouri bandwagon, as they were facing another incredibly weak opponent, this time from the fearsome AAC.
The Gamble-Tron is a big fan of an obscure game in Stores, CT. $330 on Mizzou -13, and another $220 on under 76.— PJ Kendall ✈ ⚰ (@Deathby105) October 28, 2017
Oh for God’s sake I just realized I misspelled Storrs, CT. Only took five days! Doofus. Or maybe it was autocorrect? Note to self - drink more water on Saturdays.
Anyway, winner winner, Vegas buffet dinner! Once again, what you bet is at least as important is who you bet.
Why I’m an idiot: My oh my, could I ever write 1,000 words in this space. For starters, I took OSU and the points, then decided to change to Stanford just before I published the article. Doesn’t get much dumber than that, does it? You guessed it, it does! When I looked at the USC line, my first thought was “That’s odd. Why would USC be favored? Vegas must know something.” They did. I didn’t.
Again, always trust your first instinct. My initial leans were for Arizona and Washington. Then I overthought it, like I always seem to do, and two losers were the result. Finally, I have no earthly idea what happened to Utah, but overrated Kyle Whittingham continues to be overrated.
Last Week: 5-5
Season Total: 47-42-2
Cash Balance: $790
As you can see, we need to do something different when it comes picking Pac-12 games. When you can do no better than win 25% of your Pac-12 picks, you have to change something. So why not up the odds to 50/50? We’re doing just that, by flipping a coin for each game. Heads is the home team, tails is the road team. I have no idea what else to do.
(Also I’m just now realizing that this weekend is all intra-division, probably apropos of nothing)
UCLA (+6.5/-110) at Utah (-6.5/-110): This game is on national network television. This game should probably be on QVC. Both teams limp into the game in different ways. UCLA’s only good player, Josh Rosen, is hurt. I don’t know how many injuries Utah has. I do know they stink.
Survey says! - $110 on UCLA (I’d probably have picked Utah)
Colorado (+4/-110) at ASU (-4/-110): This line opened at seven, and fell by a field goal. How quickly the worm has turned in Tempe. Riding high for two weeks, then, splat. I will laugh for quite a long time over the fact that this team beat UW. Still can’t figure that one out. This one seems like a classic overreaction toward the Buffs. Where were we? Oh, yeah, the coin.
Survey says! - $110 on Colorado (I’d have taken ASU)
Oregon (+17.5/-110) at Washington (-17.5/-110): Despite the fact that Washington has a suffocating defense, this line has come down 9.5 points. WHAT???!!! Is Marcus Mariota starting for Oregon? I don’t think that would even matter against Washington’s defense. Anyway, let’s do this.
Survey says! - $110 on Washington (I agree with the coin!)
OSU (+7.5/-110) at Cal (-7.5/-110): The further we get from WSU’s 34-point loss at Cal, the more embarrassing and baffling - embaffling? - it becomes. Cal is a bad football team. Speaking of bad football teams, hey Beavs! Actually glad I don’t have to pick this one.
Survey says! - $110 on OSU (I’d have taken terrible Cal over terrible OSU)
Stanford (+2.5/-110) at WSU (-2.5/-110): /looks at weather forecast. /looks at Tampa forecast. Have fun with that everybody! Does Bryce Love play? Oh my god he’s totally playing. Which Luke Falk plays? I think I know the answer but I don’t want to know the answer. Does Keller Chryst play? That’s really the most important part of all this. Anyway...
Survey says! - $110 on the Law Firm of Keller & Bryce
Arizona (+7.5/-110) at USC (-7.5/-110): Hoo boy, fun game. Not kidding a bit. USC isn’t exactly a juggernaut, but they still have more talent than anybody in the conference. It’s a battle between the preseason player of the year (I think) and the guy who may be the actual player of the year. Even though the Cougs are on early (yessssss) I may stay up and watch this. Oh who am I kidding? I’m going to bed and taking advantage of daylight savings.
Survey says! - Bear Down for $110
If you’re scoring at home, despite the 50/50 odds, the coin came up “tails” five of six times. And of course the only “heads” was for the Huskies. Bet your life on Oregon. Wait, don’t do that. They’re gonna get murdered.
Navy (-6.5/-110) at Temple (+6.5/-110): Navy is still Navy. Temple is once again Temple.
The Pick: $220 on the 2nd-best service academy out there
Virginia Tech (-2.5/-110) at Miami (+2.5/-110): Let’s see, Miami is unbeaten, at home, and they’re an underdog? Yeah, there’s a reason for that. They’ve been whistling through the graveyard all season.
The Pick: $110 on the Hokies
UMass (+28/-110) at Mississippi State (-28/-110): Surprisingly, UMass hasn’t been blown out this season. Related - they haven’t played a good team all season.
The Pick: $220 on Team Cowbell
Stay tuned on Twitter for my theft of Tom Fornelli’s picks. Go Cougs