As you probably already know, it’s Apple Cup week. During the build up to a huge rivalry game, you would think interview with the head coach would be dominated by questions about WSU’s cross-state opponent and how big a game they have on tap. Well.... Reporters tried, but Leach wasn’t having it...

So, as they often do with Leach, the questions went a little off topic. On Tuesday, a reporter who is scheduled to get married in nine days asked Leach for some wedding advice. Coach, didn’t hold back.

Here is a brief and selective transcription of what Leach had to offer.

My Wisdom would be: You have to stay out of the way...

When it comes to marriages, the women lose their mind. Your fiance is going to lose her mind. Your mother in law is going to lose her mind. Your mom is going to lose her mind...

They’re going to barrage you with constant questions. What should we wear? To which my answer is: I don’t care. What color should the invitations be? I don’t care. What should be have for desert? I don’t care.

You see, I don’t care is not satisfactory at all. You’re going to get caught in a catch-22, and I’m sure you already have. That Catch-22 is, ‘I want you to be a part of the too!’

So what color invitations? Alright, the blue ones. ‘I kind of like the tan ones.’ Alright, the tan ones, then. ‘Well, you’re just saying that because you want this over with, you’re not even thinking about it!’ Which is of course, true.

It’s just going to go back and forth and they’re going to play keep away from you until you’re married. So, what you need to do is work late hours. Be very nice and supportive, but they’re going to play keep away from you and there is no answer you can give that is going to be satisfactory and correct.

So you need to work late. Go in the back room and read a lot of books. You have to go take the groomsmen out and make sure that they march in just right. In the end, you’ll wish you eloped.

You need to find excuses that they’ll buy to stay as far out of harms way as you possibly can. But take comfort in knowing that once the ceremony is over that life will get progressively better from there even though there is some adjustment.

As an unmarried man myself, I can’t gauge the quality of Leach’s life advice. But from my experience with movies and sitcoms, it looks spot on.

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