Pac-12 Football odds and picks: The Gamble-Tron, Week Eight

Welcome back. Anything going on this week? Didn’t think so. Ok, of course there’s a huge event taking place Saturday. I mean, how often do you get to see Chip Kelly and Kevin Sumlin face off for the right to possibly occupy last place in the Pac-12 South? Who ever thought UCLA would be laying a touchdown this season? THE EXCITEMENT IS PALPABLE.

We are a bit depressed here at Gamble-Tron headquarters. We’ve always said that if College GameDay ever made it to Pullman that we’d be there, too. But life has a funny way of interceding, such as sending us to live in Europe, so we will be watching from afar. Nonetheless, we are beyond thrilled that the Cougs are getting their moment in the sun, and can’t wait to see it unfold.

But enough about meaningless things like this super awesome once-in-a-lifetime event. Let’s talk about important stuff like pretend gambling!

Why I’m a genius: As Washington’s terrible kicker lined up for the game winner, I probably should have been rooting for him to make it, since that would have made me a winner. I did not want him to make it. Best of both worlds! UCLA made that look easy, but it’s a shame that I was a gutless coward who wanted to take the money line but backed out.

Boston College has paid out a couple times for me this year, and Louisville has totally quit on its morally bankrupt coach. Winner! Speaking of winners, how ‘bout them Boilermakers! It appears as though they’re finally playing like many people thought they would to start the season. Wins like that are great because they are completely devoid of stress. And no, I have no idea why I’d feel stressed about games on which I bet zero money but here we are.

Why I’m an idiot: I saw Utah beat the stuffing out of Stanford on the road, but somehow thought they’d struggle a tad at home against the garbage barge known as Arizona. Good lord am I stupid. The Colorado pick was looking ok for a bit, but then Clay Helton went back to the tried and true “throw it up and hope for a flag or awful coverage” offense, and next thing you know USC was up double digits. Joe J.T. Flacco Daniels sure knows how to run that system.

As usual, I stayed on a bandwagon one week too long, this time with UCF. The pretend national champions probably should have lost outright, but it was obvious early on that they weren’t covering the spread. For shame! I’m also an idiot for taking two games that ended in a push. Not because they were bad picks but because ties suck. Of course, if Utah hadn’t run a fake punt with a 35-10 lead, that Under 52 probably cashes. Thanks, Kyle. You’re still a crappy coach.

Last Week: 4-3-2 / $160

Season Total: 52-46-4

Cash Balance: $8,500

Reader Results:

• Keith_Clark_: 3-1 (assume you meant Oregon +3.5) / $210
• stewak: 2-6 / -$405
• .:R: 4-5 / $750
• cougman the II: 3-5 / -$250
• cougbud: 2-5-1 / -$350
• 425CougFan: 2-7-1 / -$570
• MyHopesareAsinine: 3-3-1 / -$30
• Hockeycoug: 3-4 / -$140
• sdcoug09: 4-8-1 / -$700
• wsubrady27: 1-7-1 / -$670
• CougarCottage: 3-1 / $190
• BothwaysUphill: 3-2 (curious where you found a Clemson line) / $80

Stanford (-2.5/-110) at ASU (+2.5/-110): Pac-12 Thursday night football! I don’t know about you, but doesn’t it look bizarre to see Stanford as a road favorite, against a not-terrible team, after what we’ve seen in their last two games? KJ Costello has shown next to no ability to carry the team, and Bryce Love is questionable. Give me the home team and those points.

The Pick: $110 on ASU

Arizona (+7.5/-110) at UCLA (-7.5/-110): Am I the only one who wonders how awkward the QB meetings are when the coach replaced the dad of the newly-named starting quarterback? Probably not as awkward as RichRod’s first conversation with his wife after the “Hideaway book” allegations surfaced, but still. Where were we? Oh yeah, actual games. So anyway I wouldn’t take Arizona unless they were getting three touchdowns.

The Pick: $110 on UCLA

Colorado (+15/-110) at Washington (-15/-110): This one is really tough. On one hand, there’s UW coming an emotional, hard-fought game in which their top two running backs got dinged up. On the other hand, Colorado is playing its second straight road game, after playing until 11pm in LA, and Laviska Shenault is probably not going to play. Am I really going to lay two touchdowns with Jake Browning? Yes. Yes I am.

The Pick: $110 on Washington

Cal (-6.5/-110) at OSU (+6.5/-110): Ok, I know Oregon State hasn’t won a conference game since the New Deal was actually a new deal. But has anyone seen Cal play lately? They shouldn’t be a road favorite over Whittier College, and they’re laying damn near a touchdown! Of course, OSU was a touchdown underdog at home to Arizona a few weeks back, and I took the bait then, only for them to get boatraced. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you’ll probably only fool me a few more times.

The Pick: $110 on the Beavs (please hold on to the ball, Jermar!)

USC (+6.5/-110) at Utah (-6.5/-110): As we mentioned earlier, USC is most dangerous when J.T. Flacco emerges, and lets those talented receivers go after the ball. The Trojan ground game is practically nonexistent, so the receivers need to be even better. I don’t know what happened to Utah after they left Pullman, but that is a different team, at least on offense. The karma police caught up to Porter Gustin, which is another reason to take the Utes. Plus, it isn’t November yet, so Utah isn’t in its mandatory face-plant zone

The Pick: $110 on the Utes

Oregon (+3/-110) at WSU (-3/-110): Real talk - I have no freaking clue what to do with this. WSU opened as a slight favorite, then the line swung more than three points toward Oregon, then the line moved BACK ACROSS THE RUBICON MORE THAN FOUR POINTS I DIDN’T THINK ANYONE CROSSED THE RUBICON MORE THAN ONCE WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I don’t recall agonizing over a pick this much in forever. It’s the classic “head vs. heart” situation. My head knows Oregon is really good. My head also knows this is a text book letdown spot for them. Hy heart always wants to side with the Cougs, even though my heart has been left in tatters time after time because I side with the Cougs. What is a fan to do? Let’s take Roxette’s advice. Listen to your heart, join the joyride and hold on tight because you know Minshew’s a little bit dangerous.

The Pick: $110 on the Cougs

UCF (-21/-110) at East Carolina (+21/-110): Remember when I said I jumped off the UCF bandwagon too late? This is the part where it rolls over my leg, sending me to the hospital.

The Pick: $330 on UCF

Fresno State (-13/-110) at New Mexico (+13/-110): Fresno is way better than New Mexico. Will that matter Saturday? It should. It probably won’t.

The Pick: $220 on Fres-Yes

Kansas (+18/-110) at Texas Tech (-18/-110): This game better not be within 35.

The Pick: $110 on Texas Tech

Michigan (-7/-110) at Michigan State (+7/-110): Michigan State is lousy, but Michigan has been awful on the road under Harbaugh, and Mark Dantonio will never be outworked when it comes to getting ready for this game.

The Pick: $110 on Sparty

Probably more picks coming on Twitter because, like it says near the top, I’m an idiot.