Pac-12 Football Odds and Picks: The Gamble-Tron, Week Nine

Welcome back. While writing this, we’re watching a replay of the WSU win over Oregon and sipping on a bomber of Funky Buddha’s “Save Some for Later” German Chocolate Cake Stout. Life could be worse.

We’re almost to the tenth week of the season, and like we lamented a few weeks ago, it’s going by way too quickly. Something tells me that this season would feel a lot slower if WSU were 3-4 right now, and not 6-1. Funny how that works. Given those choices, we’re totally fine with the perception (and that’s all it really is, unless somebody has the keys to the space/time continuum vault) if it means our beloved Washington State Cougars keep winning.

Speaking of winning...wait, who am I kidding? Team Gamble-Tron has not been winning too many games of late. We’ve been treading water for most of the year, outside that one week where we won 11 freaking games. That one week has kept us afloat. On the positive side of things, even though we only won half of our bets last week, we put more scratch down where it counted, resulting in another week in the black. So it’s not all “meh.”

How great was last weekend? Well not only was it one of the greatest weekends of my sports fandom life, Gamble-Tron and brother-of-Gamble-Tron, who definitely only play the spreads for entertainment purposes, nailed our first three-team parlay of the season, as we had Temple -3.5, Nebraska -4 and Texas Tech -20.5. That Temple cover was up there with the most miraculous covers in history. Just added a cherry on top of what was a spectacular weekend.

Why I’m a genius: Ended on a hot streak! Of course, that was offset by the fact that the first four picks were losses. Once Renard Bell scored, Oregon never really threatened to cover the spread again. Kinda didn’t feel like it though! Admittedly, I waffled a bit on that Utah pick, but in reality they should have won that game by 35.

Unlike past weeks, I had to depend on the bonus picks to get my head above water. Of course, if you’d told met that McKenzie Milton wasn’t going to play, I almost certainly would have stayed away. Ignorance really is bliss! Operation fade Kansas is back! It helps that Texas Tech appears to be at least decent. And why anyone would think a terrible New Mexico team could stay within two scores of a pretty good Fresno State team is beyond me. Easy money.

Why I’m an idiot: Yeah, about that opening salvo. The gun barrel pretty much exploded in our faces to get the day started. First there was ASU who, god dammit, never should have lost that game. Then there’s Washington who, when Colorado scored that first touchdown, was pretty much dunzo. Then again, they turned the ball over on the Colorado one yard line, when only a field goal would have made this a winner. Another reason to hate those asshats.

UCLA is another team that somehow didn’t cover. They were cruising, until they were losing. If we’re being honest, they probably should’ve lost. I can’t really blame OSU for getting curb-stomped. That’s who they are, a terrible team. It’s my fault for believing they aren’t as terrible as their record would indicate. I shouldn’t have jumped on the Michigan State bandwagon after that Penn State win. I totally fell for their recent history against Michigan, coupled with Michigan’s ineptitude on the road. The Spartans repaid me by amassing 94 yards of offense. Idiot.

Last Week: 5-5 / $250

Season Total: 57-51-4

Cash Balance: $8,750

Reader Results:

• MagicCoug: 5-4 / $60
• MyHopesareAsinine: 3-5 / -$150
• Keith_Clark_: 2-4 / -$240
• .:R: 2-6 / -$460
• wsubrady27: 6-2 / $380
• ginandthompson: 3-5 / -$470 (beware the no-brainer)
• BothwaysUphill: 4-3 / $70
• stewak: 4-2 / $680
• transporting: 1-0 / $938
• ThaiCoug: 5-4 / $60

Utah (-11/-110) at UCLA (+11/-110): It’s a battle for first place in the Pac-12 South! If that doesn’t give you an idea of how bad that division is, nothing will. Utah QB Tyler Huntley has been white hot lately, as has his team. UCLA is improving, too, having won two in a row after giving Washington a tough game. I’ve sucked on week night games, and my first instinct was to take the Utes, so I’m going Costanza once again.

The Pick: $110 on UCLA

OSU (+23.5/-110) at Colorado (-23.5/-110): I can’t do it again. I just can’t take Oregon State, especially on the road. Colorado is a bit banged up, with Laviska Shenault’s status up in the air and the loss of a starting corner. The Buffs have had a tough couple weeks, and should be looking to take out their frustrations on what is by far the worst team in the conference.

The Pick: $110 on Colorado

WSU (+3/-110) at Stanford (-3/-110): I guess I must be missing something here. I mean, I know Stanford has won eight of the last 10 matchups, but WSU has won two in a row. Additionally, the Cougs are 7-0 ATS this year, while the Stanford Cardinal are just 4-3. And like I said earlier, Stanford probably should have lost at ASU.

WSU is the better team, and they should win. The only thing that gives me pause is the letdown possibility after last weekend. This week is almost certainly one of Mike Leach’s toughest at WSU, as he has to get this team focused on the task ahead, and make them forget the Oregon game. If WSU wins this one, Leach is the Pac-12 Coach of the Year, regardless of what happens down the stretch.

The Pick: $110 on WSU

ASU (+6/-110) at USC (-6/-110): Told y’all weeks ago, as the national media was conducting a circle jerk around Herm Edwards, that it was a dead cat bounce. The easy call is to take USC, because every time ASU loses, it’s by seven points, and USC is unbeaten at home under mouth breather Clay Helton. However, Joe Flacco clone J.T. Daniels is out, as is the backup. That means Jack Sears, USC’s only healthy scholarship quarterback, gets the nod. I don’t know why I’m doing this.

The Pick: $110 on Tommy Trojan

Washington (-12/-110) at Cal (+12/-110): Want a fun betting trend? 99% of the point spread money is on Washington. That’s right. I SAID 99 GODDAMN PERCENT OF THE MONEY IS ON ONE TEAM. Let’s approach this from a math standpoint. The over/under is only 45, and I can get 12 points? I’ll take them, which means UW will win 38-6.

The Pick: $110 on Cal

Oregon (-9.5/-110) at Arizona (+9.5/-110): Ok, Ducks. If you’re as tough as you say you are, and if you’ve bought in to your coach’s system like you say you have, you’ll win this game by three touchdowns. I don’t care if you got your ass whipped last week. Ok I do care but that’s beside the point. You’re way better than Arizona. Act like it.

The Pick: $110 on Oregon

USF (+7/-110) at Houston (-7/-110): South Florida is 7-0, and they are a full touchdown underdog. What does that tell you about Vegas’ attitude regarding how good they really are? This should be a blowout.

The Pick: $440 on the Coogs

UMass (-5/-110) at UConn (+5/-110): It’s been waaaaaaaay too long since we went dumpster diving. It hasn’t been very long since we made a stupid pick. Time to make another one, if you have any idea how bad UConn is.

The Pick: $110 on UConn

New Mexico (+20/-110) at Utah State (-20/-110): Utah State is as good as Fresno State, and Fresno State murdered the Lobos last week. Plus, 89% of the spread money is on the Lobos. That gives me even more confidence.

The Pick: $330 on the Aggies that I actually like

Texas Tech (+3.5/-110) at Iowa State (-3.5/-110): The good thing for Iowa State is they had a bye week to come down from that demolition of West Virginia. The better news is that they’re playing really damn well. I still don’t trust Texas Tech against a good team.

The Pick: $220 on Cy

Iowa (+6/-110) at Penn State (-6/-110): Iowa is a good team. Penn State is a good team. The reason I’m taking Penn State? The line opened at Penn State -5. 62% of the spread money has come in on Iowa. So the line should have come down, right? Apparently not! Somebody knows something.

The Pick: $110 on Penn State

I shouldn’t make more Twitter picks. I’ll probably make more Twitter picks. Happy gambling, and Go Cougs.