Pac-12 Football Odds and Picks: The Gamble-Tron, Championship Week Edition

Welcome back. I wasn’t going to do this after last week’s disappointment, because it’s eleventy billion times more fun to write when my favorite team is winning. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my 4.67 readers would be disappointed if there wasn’t a chance to lay down more pretend money on real college football games. Plus, there are precious few college football games remaining, which means we need to take advantage while we can.

There’s also the fact that we are pretty damn bummed out that our biggest bet in column history was a winner. Wait, what? Yeah, that’s right. I wanted to lose half of the hard-earned cash balance. Like, I really really wanted to lose it. But that wasn’t to be, as WSU didn’t beat Washington. Again. For myriad reasons. So here we are, stuck with an Apple Cup loss in our craw for another month, hopefully until a 29 December or 1 January bowl game. EDIT: lol In the meantime, despite the fridge full of Thanksgiving leftovers, there’s always room for wagering.

Why I’m a genius: I’m certainly no genius for picking Washington. I just wish it wasn’t such an obvious play. I finally caught on to the Beavers over the last couple weeks. Only took an entire season! Of all seven victories, I’m most proud of the the over/under call in the Civil War. Closed at 69, and the final was 55-15. NEVER A DOUBT. I knew BYU would keep it close, but damn, they should have won going away. Not impressed, Utes.

In a vintage #VegasAlwaysKnows situation, Colorado was catching 12.5 at Cal. They lost by...12. EERIE. Congrats to the Buffs, I guess, for becoming the first team in conference history to start 5-0 and finish 5-7. Really had to sweat out that Stanford cover. Well ok, I was sleeping, but you get the point. Seems like it would have been a fun game to watch. One more shout-out to the worst unit in the Pac-12 this season: UCLA special teams. Roy Manning, come on down! Oh, and Roll Damn Tide.

Why I’m an Idiot: Hmm, well, I guess because I didn’t foresee USC scoring a meaningless touchdown with under a minute remaining to kick down the back door? Mouth-breathing Clay Helton should be fired for costing me more fake money. I probably shouldn’t have come close to winning the ASU game, but then I did come really super duper close and dammit I am pissed! But seriously I was a razor-thin margin from going 9-0. The guy at the window doesn’t care, and neither should you.

Last Week: 7-2 / $6,360

Season Total: 98-80-6 (55%!!!)

Cash Balance: $16,770

Reader Results:

• .:R: 6-4 / $160
• BothwaysUphill: 2-6 / -$460 and my admiration for the Shakespeare lines
• CougarCottage: 0-1 / -$3,300
• Hockeycoug: 2-3 / -$130
• Keith_Clark_: 4-3 / $70
• stewak: 4-4-1 / -$30

Utah (+5/-110) vs. Washington (-5/-110): Live look at the box office in Santa Clara:

Photo by Naomi Baker/Getty Images

People can’t wait to get to the stadium! Feel the excitement! Like I said before, as much as I love winning fake cash, the fact that it came at the expense of our beloved Cougs is a major bummer. So let’s try and give some back via some form of a non-existent jinx.

The Pick: $2200 on Washington to win (-220) and $220 Under 45

Stanford (-3/-110) at Cal (+3/-110): You know what’s weird? This line is almost exactly the same as it was two weeks ago, when the game was postponed. Since then, Stanford gave up a ton of points (but luckily - for them - scored a little more than a ton), and Cal beat Colorado by 12 points thanks to /looks at box score a fifth time, two pick sixes? That came 45 seconds apart? Less than two minutes into the game? Why didn’t anyone tell me Colorado was starting Joe Namath? (you’ll have to read the Mark Kriegel’s tremendous biography of Broadway Joe to understand that. Or just look up his career stats)

Where were we? Oh yeah, the final rivalry game of the season. By the way, how would Larry and the gang have navigated this situation if either of these teams had a shot at the Pac-12 title game? The only solution would have been to keep the game on its original date, but in a different location. So we can infer that the conference would have done something different. It’s been forever since Cal won this game. To give you some context, WSU has won an Apple Cup more recently.

The Pick: $110 on Cal

Texas (+8.5/-110) vs. Oklahoma (-8.5/-110): You may not be familiar with Tom Herman’s record as an underdog. I am, and let’s just say he’s pretty good! If the line were still at its opening number of 5.5, I’d lean toward the Sooners. But now that it’s closer to double digits, give me those points;

The Pick: $110 on Texas (BUT PLEASE WIN OKLAHOMA BUT NOT BY A LOT BECAUSE WE NEED YOU IN THE SUGAR BOWL AND NOT THE CFP OK THANK YOU)

Ohio State (-14/-110) vs. Northwestern (+14/-110): I can’t think of a team that has cost me more money (non-UCLA category, obviously) than Ohio State. I kept thinking they’d break out, and they kept breaking my heart. So of course I didn’t pick them last week in what was a totally obvious spot (have a look at Urb Meyer’s record as a home underdog), and they straight murdered Michigan. Well, now they need to beat the ever-loving hell out of Northwestern to impress the CFP committee. NO MERCY

The Pick: $550 on the Buckeyes

East Carolina (+23/-110) at NC State (-23/-110): Ok we may not be dumpster diving but the landfill is within eyeshot. All I know is East Carolina stinks and NC State is pretty good.

The Pick: $110 on the Pack

Georgia (+13/-110) vs. Alabama (-13/-110): I want Georgia to win in the worst way. I think Georgia is gonna lose, is a bad way.

The Pick: $220 on the Tide

Nicholls State (+20.5/-110) at Eastern Washington (-20.5/-110): Hell I don’t know. Go Eags.

The Pick: $330 on EWU and $220 Over 62.5

In case you didn’t notice, the old Gamble-Tron tried to take full advantage of the last semi-full college football day of the year. I’m sure it’ll go fine.