Pac-12 Football odds and picks: the Gamble-Tron, Week 12

Greetings from jolly old England, where for the first time since we moved to Europe, we’re in a place without a language barrier! Well, mostly. Team Gamble-Tron just returned from a dinner of shepherd’s pie, washed down with a cask ale. All that’s left for honorary citizenship is for us to ignore our teeth for the next 6-12 months.

Despite the fact that we were above .500 last weekend for the first time in what felt like years, it still seems like we’re Clark Criswold in that roundabout, continuously passing Big Ben and Parliament, unable to break the cycle. That will happen when the picks are hot one year and cold as a Queen Elizabeth hug the next.

But hey, maybe making these picks in a place where they drive on the wrong side of the road, bizarrely use miles instead of kilometers and stubbornly refuse to be a part of the Schengen Zone (which is just the dumbest) will shake us out of our funk for the rest of the season. Ok probably not but we don’t really have anything else at this point. Let’s go.

Why I love gambling: After waffling in the USC-ASU pick, finally settling on the Trojans, I found out that the “sharps” in Vegas loved USC. This gave me a good bit of confidence that I was on the right side, especially when I saw that Jayden Daniels was iffy. I had no idea that USC blazed out of the gates to a 28-7 lead after one quarter, only to barely hang on. Kinda glad I wasn’t able to follow that game!

Why I hate gambling: In my idiotic first half picks, which I didn’t even include in my first draft, I went 1-3. All three of those losing first half picks would have been winners if I’d taken each team for the game instead. Booooo me being an idiot. Boo.

Last Week: 8-5

Season Total: 83-93-3

Reader Results:

• Sloan353: 3-5
• stewak: 2-5
• DallasCoug: 7-2
• .:R: 5-2 (I wanted to go Illinois money line. I forgot. Been that kind of a year)
• 89Coug in FL: 3-5
• WSUCougars’01: 7-2
• BothwaysUphill: 3-4
• 425CougFan: 2-7 (I show Air Force as having been off Saturday)
• bburn33: 4-6
• BRCoug99: 7-4

UCLA Bruins at Utah Utes (-21): If you’re like me, you looked at this matchup nine weeks ago and thought, “this is gonna be for the driver’s seat in the Pac-12 South.” Because I totally saw this coming and why are you laughing? UCLA has surprised me at several turns this season, but the Utes are trying to make a CFP statement, and UCLA doesn’t have the horses.

The Pick: Utah

Arizona State Sun Devils at Oregon State Beavers (+3): Remember a few weeks ago when so many people who should know better were throwing out the mea culpas regarding their skepticism of the Herm Edwards hire? Well here we are, just a short time later, and ASU has lost three straight. Meanwhile, watching OSU against Washington last week looked eerily familiar, as the Beavs played offense like they were scared to death. And they weren’t even playing a very good team!

The Pick: OSU

USC Trojans at California Golden Bears (+6): Don’t let last week fool you. Cal still sucks. They just don’t suck as bad as WSU.

The Pick: USC

Arizona Wildcats at Oregon Ducks (-26): Another year, another Kevin Sumlin team that has become a wet paper bag down the stretch. The Ducks, meanwhile, are like the Utes in that they’re trying to put up some big results in the name of friendly CFP treatment. Man, am I really gonna lay 26? Why not?

The Pick: Oregon

Stanford Cardinal at Washington State Cougars (-12): wut

Looks like Paulson Adebo will miss the game, and K.J. Costello is suddenly questionable. Thing is none of that will matter against this WSU team.

South Carolina Gamecocks at Texas A&M Aggies (-10): Despite the fact that Texas A&M houses the world’s largest gathering of d-bags in the cadet corps (not all of them, just most of them), and despite the fact that they suck at home, the Aggies should be at least 14 points better than South Carolina.

The Pick: Reveille

Kansas Jayhawks at Oklahoma State Cowboys (-17): Okie State is still decent. Kansas is still awful.

The Pick: Pistol Pete

Bizarre “Somebody knows something” Line of the Week:

Minnesota Golden Gophers at Iowa Hawkeyes (-2.5): The battle for Floyd of Rosedale takes on extra importance this year, as the Gophers look to remain unbeaten. Meanwhile, Iowa has three losses, and they’re [checks notes] favored by nearly a field goal??!! This line STINKS!

The Pick: Herky

Michigan State Spartans at Michigan Wolverines (-13): Michigan had an off week, while Sparty simply had ¹⁄₄ of an off week. Think Harbaugh will be looking to hit the gas and stay there?

The Pick: Michigan

Ohio State Buckeyes at Rutgers Scarlet Knights (O/U 61): Don’t we think the Buckeyes will get there on their own?

The Pick: Over