WSU vs. Stanford: class is in session

I would like to begin this article by inviting all of you to take a deep, calming yoga breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Take as many as you need, actually!

This season is almost over. Say it with me: this season is almost over. And even though it hasn’t looked like anything I thought it would, somehow I’m feeling nostalgic. Do me a favor and picture the song Somewhere Only We Know by Keane playing softly in the background. It helps establish the ambiance.

The Stanford Cardinal comes up against our Washington State Cougars in Pullman tomorrow, and for that reason I have penned some obvious, dare I say low-hanging jokes for your reading pleasure: Stanford is the “cardinal” yet their mascot is a tree? And it’s not even the school’s official mascot, it’s the bands? Sure, Jan. I have nothing to say about the band itself, but it’s no surprise a school that is commonly misconstrued as an Ivy is only known for its brains and its band. If a Stanford falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it even fall? Ba-dum tss.

Alright. For those of you who skipped over the jokes, I don’t blame you! But I would check back in now. For your reading pleasure I have compiled a list of Stanford players that intimidate me, and what they study at Stanford since they’re so smart and go to Stanford.

OFFENSE:

Before I start, Stanford has not yet released who the QB for the game will be, although it’s highly likely that Davis Mills will take that cake, so for this reason I have ignored the quarterback prospects completely. Mills studies Science, Tech and Society. Is that just Artificial Intelligence? Asking for a friend.

Cameron Scarlett (RB) - Media Studies. An influencer! I will say, his social media presence is decent. His average yards per rush attempt this season has been 4.4, except he’s rushed for a total of 763 yards for 5 touchdowns. So that’s decent too, just not against our team please.

Colby Parkinson (TE) - Civil Engineering. Just when I thought he couldn’t get more intimidating. For those of you -like me- who do not know what that major does, he’ll be responsible for building all of the things that make a society run smoothly. I do not love this metaphor, as it is similar to what he does for Stanford’s offense. He stands at a bold 6’7”, average yards per reception is 11.4, 36 total receptions for 412 yards.

And this is something to keep in mind, as Stanford loves their TEs, and will use at least one on roughly 86% of their snaps. If our defense got a good nights sleep, a hearty breakfast and a stern pep talk, I would still be terrified. Especially against a TE with those numbers.

Osiris St. Brown (WR) - Also Science, Tech and Society. I had no idea that major was a thing before this. He has 204 total yards this season so he isn’t someone I’m super worried about but I thought I would throw him in nonetheless.

What do the Cougs study, you ask? One of the only ones listed that I could find is Hank Pladson (LB), who, according to his bio, is pursuing an accounting degree. Completely unrelated- can he help me with my taxes?

Speaking of Linebackers…

DEFENSE:

Andrew Pryts (LB) - Economics. He intimidates me a lot, actually. He has an interception and 52 tackles. And I’m sure he knows much more about the stock market than I do, which isn’t saying a whole lot.

Casey Toohill (LB) - Political Science. I’m truly surprised he studies this, but he does look really friendly which I think will go well for him. He has 6 sacks so far which means he isn’t getting my vote anytime soon.

Thomas Booker (DE) - His major is undeclared, but he’s a sophomore so he has a couple more family holidays to field that question. You have time and no one can tell you don’t- maybe try out Library Science? While he doesn’t have a major, he does have 42 tackles, 3 sacks, 1 forced fumble.

I hope this was an educational journey- I also hope we don’t get intimidated by another team from the Northern C*lifornia area. Good luck tomorrow Cougs, we all need it.

Here are some links:

Washington State dismisses defensive backs Daniel Isom, Trey Davis for rules violation
Washington State’s defensive secondary will be short-handed the remainder of the 2019 football season.

Basketball returns to Beasley to face Bengals
The Cougars (1-1, 0-0) will return to the Palouse to face the Idaho State Bengals (1-1, 0-0) at 1 p.m. this Sunday at Beasley Coliseum.

Women’s volleyball to serve Utah, Colorado back in Bohler Gym
The WSU women’s volleyball team will face No. 13 University of Utah and the University of Colorado Boulder this weekend at Bohler Gym.

Pac-12 Football – Week 12 Power Rankings

Cougars take on the Tigers in round one of NCAA
No. 24 WSU soccer will play the No. 8 University of Memphis Friday to kick off Dad’s Weekend at Washington State in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.

Coach, soldier, father
On the Lower Soccer Field, one coach is known for something more than just soccer. He is known for something a little different. In Pullman, Jon Harvey is known as a soccer coach at WSU who shaped athletes to be better people since his service in the United States Navy.

NCAA West Region cross country meet set for Friday | Sports | dnews.com
College cross country