The Good, Bad and Ugly of college football Saturday

Good morning. Given this week’s developments, at least we got to see the Washington State Cougars play twice before 2020 re-entered the picture, right? I’ll admit that, for yours truly, it’s weird that it didn’t feel weird to watch college football on Saturday while not being phased by the fact that WSU wasn’t playing. I’ve read that last sentence several times and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who knows what it means. I’m leaving it in.

So we’re back to our early season practice of recapping college football Saturday through the wittiness (and pettiness) of social media. Although I wish I were summing up a fifth consecutive Cougar win over the Stanford Cardinal - which I am convinced would have taken place - you will get more clips of bad kickers, stupid officials and the other various and sundry that we saw this weekend. Away we go...

The Good

This is the greatest play in college football history and I will not hear any arguments to the contrary. Even better that it came against Bill Moos’ doormat program.

Ok, here’s what I’m wondering about this Heisman-worthy moment: I understand the initial hesitation, as he is a punter after all. But that moment of confusion at the 35 yard line is shrouded in mystery. Regardless, greatest play ever.

Oh, and how did that game end for the 17-point favorite Nebraska Cornhuskers?

Laugh out loud.

The Illinois Twitter account was feeling itself after the game as well.

They deleted the tweet.

That’s more than enough time spent on Lincoln, Nebraska. Elsewhere, WE HAVE A PIESMAN CONTENDER!!!

If that wasn’t enough proof that the Penn State Nittany Lions are super terrible, there’s this:

If you’ve seen Spencer Petras try to throw a football this year (I’ve been subjected to many more throws than any human should have to endure), you know he’s much better at plowing forward than passing a ball forward. That said, let’s check in on the state of Nittany Lion football!

After losing their first two games by a total of five points, including a 21-20 heartbreaker to the Northwestern Wildcats, my Iowa Hawkeyes have outscored their subsequent three opponents 125-35. Could be 5-0, should be 4-1, are 3-2. Dammit.

Apropos of nothing, this will be my favorite GIF ever. There is not a close second.

I wonder if the Florida State Seminoles would have been so eager to call the game off if they were the top five team and 35-point favorite. Actually, I don’t wonder.

When you make a great play and your name is Smoke Monday, you are getting the distinct honor of appearing in this space.

The tastiest tears will always be Voluntears. Then again, we do feel sorry for Smokey.

Burning heaters on the sidelines will always be awesome. Barry Switzer forever.

I was too lazy (I know, you’re stunned) to go looking for the week’s best catches, but this was a damn good one by Indiana Hoosiers receiver Ty Fryfogle.

You won’t believe this but the world’s most deplorable group of fans (Ohio State) were bitching about offensive pass interference. It’s kind of funny how the more successful a program is, the worse its fans are. Except for the Washington Huskies who are largely irrelevant but whose fans are inexplicably pompous.

In Eugene, the Oregon Ducks seem to be kinda overrated. Still, this is one of the headiest plays you’ll ever see by Verone McKinley.

If there’s one thing this world needs, it’s more awesome nicknames (even if I may be incredibly uncomfortable pronouncing said nickname out loud).

But seriously, who doesn’t love a BK Whopper? Minus mayonnaise of course because I’m not a communist.

Somewhere in the Bay Area, increasingly-senile hot take artist Jon Wilner is weeping over the ineptitude of his beloved California Golden Bears.

Happier news: In these increasingly polarizing times, here’s something we can all rally around:

The Bad

After watching a fair amount of the Oregon Ducks vs. UCLA Bruins game, I can honestly say that I’m pretty upset about how last week’s game ended. Oregon isn’t that good, and WSU probably should have been in that game at the end.

Elsewhere, I swear I’m not out here looking for officiating malpractice, but I’ll be damned if the men and women in stripes don’t make it so easy to mock them.

First up, if we can’t count on the officials to correctly adjudicate Targeting, what on earth is the point of having it in the rulebook?

This next sequence is at least 50% the fault of the Georgia Southern coaches for calling such a stupid play, but how do the referees allow the Army Black Knights to clearly obfuscate the subsequent Georgia Southern attempt to kill the clock?

That pales in comparison to the absolute thievery that took place in Minnesota, where the officials decided that they had to be the center of attention, ahead of the players who spill their guts out on the field.

I wouldn’t have been upset if Brian Brohm had just decided to choke the life out of the entire crew.

These are the kinds of calls that get coaches fired. Just ask Dennis Erickson and his Seattle Seahawks tenure. Are the officials held accountable? Not publicly, which is absurd. Make their sorry asses sit in front of a microphone - just like the coaches and players have to - and explain their failures. This stuff makes me mad, and I am not a fan of Purdue!

Not all refs are bad. I hope this guy is ok.

Today in douchebaggery:

B1G fever! Catch it!!!!

Vlade Divac and every soccer player ever have are appalled by #67’s clear intent to do serious harm here.

The Ugly

“In an unexpected turn of events, UCLA will head into halftime with a lead over the heavily favored Ducks! Oh, oh, oh no.”

I don’t know what it is with Oregon and end-of-half plays but it makes me sick. I say this as someone who had Oregon (-7) in the first half and Oregon (-13.5) for the game. Lost ‘em both! Turns out Oregon isn’t very good. But nobody else in this conference is, either. Pac-12 football everyone!

Congratulations to the Tennessee Volunteers on making two separate categories! Note to all of you coaches and players out there: this is not the way you want to play pass defense.

I was watching the Utah Utes vs. USC Trojans game on DVR and I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Good job everyone!

All these schools who sign Top 5 classes somehow can’t find a competent kicker. Oregon is the latest.

You’re not alone, Mario.

Not to be outdone, Rutgers Scarlet Knights doofus coach Greg Schiano decided that he would stop trying to gain yards and instead preferred to leave it up to his #collegekicker when trying to beat the Michigan Wolverines. Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see how it works out for him.

If you’re a coach who sits on the ball and plays for the field goal, you deserve a bad result. On the other side, this is what has become of the Michigan Wolverines and Jim Harbaugh. They’ve been reduced to needing a miracle to beat Rutgers.

The Hilarious

Having fun at Mike Gundy’s expense will never get old.

Anything can happen in Bedlam! Just ask OANN, where detachment from reality is a 24/7 existence.

Unfortunately, that bumps up against actual reality.

But hey, at least Mike Gundy still has his dignity.

Welp.

This year in 2020 Suckitude

Y’all might remember Lawrence Tynes as an NFL kicker. I had no idea he was also a Twitter savant!

If college football’s try at a season could be summed up in one tweet, Brett McMurphy is here to help.

Yep, that’s where we are.

Football

Analysis: Making sense of the roster attrition at Washington State that led to Saturday's cancellation | The Spokesman-Review
The Cougars never got on a bus, never boarded an airplane and never came close to playing Saturday’s game at Stanford Stadium, where WSU would’ve been seeking its fifth straight win over the Cardinal.

This Week in Parenting

You may or not be aware that Christmas is quickly approaching. I realized that this week, as Mrs. Kendall had to let me know that I would be wise to delete my Amazon search history. My two jihadists (mostly the nine year-old) are on Amazon making Christmas list after Christmas list - he’s constructed at least three - and it hadn’t occurred to me that he could access everything that Santa, I mean uhhhhhh someone else had been looking at.

In an episode of “work spills over to home” this week, one of my co-workers was having trouble collecting on a travel voucher he’d submitted. I asked him if he had seen the Family Guy episode where Stewie tries to collect a debt from Brian. He had not, so I said I’d send it to him. If you haven’t seen it, you’re welcome:

How does this relate to my kids? I was looking it up after dinner, so of course they were huddled around me as I was laughing. They spent the next week begging me to play it repeatedly and re-enacting it on their own. Mrs. Kendall was thrilled.

Oh, and my friend got paid the next day. Probably a coincidence.

Later on, I was watching the Seattle Seahawks vs. Arizona Cardinals game on Friday morning before the boys went to school. I had recorded it, but didn’t know the outcome. The boys were watching while they were awaiting the bus, but knew they wouldn’t have time to see the whole thing. Shortly before departure time, the nine year-old went upstairs to retrieve some socks. When he came back down, he proudly announced that he’d looked up the score and that the Seahawks won.

As calmly and politely as I could, I apprised him of the unwritten rules about how he wasn’t supposed to spoil it for me. Shortly after that, I walked them to the bus, returned home and watched the last 1.5 quarters before going to work. In typical Seahawks fashion, the game came down to the last play, and knowing the outcome actually aided my decreased stress level. So on the whole, I was secretly happy that he’d spoiled the outcome. But overtly I will maintain my public stance of his clear sports fan code violation.

Beer

Best beer I had this week: In-person craft beer selection is a barren wasteland in these parts, but there is still one guy who sells some good stuff. I mean, sure he has two beer fridges that comprise about 2% of his shoe store, and so what if he’s only open for seven hours per week. The quality is top notch. I ventured over there last week, and among the beers I found was Amundsen Brewing’s Sticky Little Fingers. You can’t be anything but amazed by Santa on a snowboard.

We Asked Brewers: What Beer Are You Drinking on Thanksgiving This Year? | VinePair
American craft brewers share the beers they’ll be drinking on Thanksgiving. Find out which 18 beers brewers are drinking here!

Non-Sports

The Death of the $15 Salad | Marker
The pandemic has been a boon for Domino's and Papa John's — but not so much for companies like Sweetgreen.