Greetings, and welcome to a suddenly depressed weekly column. Not only do our Washington State Cougars once again appear to be decidedly “meh” this season, but after several weeks of average-to-great weekly results, our little corner of internet gambling advice suffered a massive dose of blunt force trauma in week seven. Guys, it was bad.
How bad? So gruesome that we dove back in via the edit feature to chase our losses, and didn’t even do well there, going 2-2. But even before that, the storm clouds were gathering. Our two early picks of Baylor and UTSA both flamed out, and our Penn State pick was a complete disaster in the early window. The momentum gathered, results worsened, and the next thing you know we were pinning hopes on teams like
Utah State and New Mexico!!?? I probably don’t need to spoil that ending for anyone!
So anyway, we’re going to try and keep the card a good bit shorter this week. And yes, Yoda, I wrote “try.” I doubt it’ll work out, but stranger things have happened.
Last Week: (gulp) 7-16
Season Total: 71-57 (for some reason I hadn’t counted my 2 money line upset wins)
- Still a better-than-respectable 55%, but dang, the salad days of 60%+ are probably long gone.
Best Call of the Weekend
Not a whole lot out there!
Iowa State Cyclones at Texas Longhorns (-16)
Yes, I know Texas is white hot with Quinn Ewers at quarterback. And yes, I know Iowa State pretty much stinks, but still, the Cyclones haven’t lost a conference game by 16 or more in over five years. Plus, the Horns have Oklahoma State up next. Letdown lookahead sandwich game. Even better news for Iowa State - there aren’t any other schools that will be coming after your coach anymore!
The Pick: ISU
Well that was a stroke of genius amid a trash heap. Heck, Iowa State probably should have won the game! Unfortunately, Iowa State’s coach is Matt Campbell, who calls every game like he’s in the NFL and is thus compelled to either win or lose by three points. He usually loses them.
Worst Call(s) of the Weekend
I don’t know, all of them? There were some spectacular whiffs on last week’s ticket, but for the purposes of brevity, and our sanity, let’s go with two.
California Golden Bears at Colorado Buffaloes (-14.5)
I don’t care who is coaching Colorado, and who is on the other side. I just can’t take Colorado in any circumstance until it shows a pulse. So I guess we’ll see you in 2024 or so, Buffs. Take my advice and give Jon Embree another shot.
The Pick: Cal
In retrospect, picking this Cal team to beat anyone by 2+ touchdowns seems to be the height of lunacy. But wait! It didn’t even with the game!
On the bright side, your esteemed Washington Huskies maintained sole possession of 0-12 awfulness for at least another year. Bottles popping on Montlake!
LSU Tigers at Florida Gators (-2.5)
This is a fun rivalry, from one school calling the other a bunch of chickens for not wanting to play, to thrown shoes and field goals in the fog. But we’re going with the motivation factor of Billy Napier, who wanted the LSU job, and was shunned at every turn.
The Pick: Gators
LSU led 42-21 after three quarters. I totally saw that coming.
Garbage Call + Gut Punch All in One! of the Week
Minnesota Golden Gophers at Illinois Illini (+6.5)
Let’s see, Illinois has won like four in a row, and just cracked the Top 25. Meanwhile, Minnesota got pantsed by Purdue last time out. So Illinois, playing at home, is getting nearly a touchdown? Hmm. Hmm
The Pick: PJ’s snake oil / Under 39.5
Ok, in my defense, I made this pick thinking Illinois’ starting quarterback was out injured. Wrong again! Illinois shut down Minnesota for most of the game and won rather easily. But that wasn’t enough. No, the Illini had to kick one last field goal late in the game, which nudged the total over by half-a-goddamn point.
It was that kind of weekend. One more episode like Saturday and we’ll have to see if Mrs. Kendall will give us a kitchen pass to go look for a slump-buster.
But wait! Things weren’t so disastrous over at TallySight! That’s something, isn’t it!?
CFB Week 7: O/U Top 10— Tallysight (@tallysight) October 18, 2022
10) @NickNordi https://t.co/5vnDVvxYwS pic.twitter.com/HHXyqZqf4w
I’m coming for you, person who seems to really like tequila! Also Jake Vogel’s significant other totally made a deal with him that he can only make picks on the internet if his avi photo is from their wedding.
All odds courtesy of the fine folks at DraftKings.
Four games? Four? We’ve got one titanic clash and a three-course dog’s breakfast. Feel the excitement?
UCLA Bruins at Oregon Ducks (-6.5)
It’s the game of the year of the week in the Pac-12! College GameDay is in town! We can only hope that it’s just as entertaining as the Utah-USC ending was. With every passing week, I am more impressed with UCLA. I don’t think this will be easy, and the Bruins might not even win, but it should stay within a score.
The Pick: Chipster / Under 71
Arizona State Sun Devils at Stanford Cardinal (-3)
Stanford beats its first FBS opponent in over a year, and suddenly it’s a favorite? INTERIM COACH DISRESPECT LEVEL: 10+. Do the odds-makers really want to give Stanford credit for beating a Notre Dame team that also lost at home to Marshall? Really? Meanwhile, ASU comes off an idle week (still not a bye!), and should be ready to go.
The Pick: ASU / Under 53.5
Colorado Buffaloes at Oregon State Beavers (-24)
Clear letdown spot here for OSU, as it’s coming off an emotional, program-changing, field storming-worthy game over a WSU team that it hadn’t beaten since 2013. The Buffs also have some momentum! They just won a game outright as a 14-point dog! Well ok, they probably don’t, but we just can’t lay 24 on OSU with a backup quarterback.
The Pick: Colorado
Washington Huskies at Cal Golden Bears (+7.5)
Poor old Cal. It started off the season decently enough. It even had a chance to win at Notre Dame before fading late, then boatraced Arizona. Since then, it again faded late in Pullman, then took an “L” in Boulder Nothing is going right. Meanwhile, Washington is back to its winning ways, as Michael Penix strafed Arizona for 500+ yards. Gotta load up on the only team with a decent offense, right? LOL NOPE.
The Pick: Cal
YOU READ THOSE RIGHT. FOUR GAMES, FOUR DOGS. LET’S GO.
Still Too Many for the Road
Texas Longhorns at Oklahoma State Cowboys (Total = 60.5)
Really wish we’d jumped on this when it opened four points higher! I’m not going anywhere near the line, but it’s gonna be pretty windy on the prairie, and Oklahoma State’s quarterback situation is a bit tenuous.
The Pick: Under
Minnesota Golden Gophers at Penn State Nittany Lions (-4.5)
Two teams coming off awful performances. Tanner Morgan is iffy for this one, and that will likely make all the difference. Plus, it’s the whiteout game.
The Pick: We Are (overrated, but still...) / Under 43.5
BYU Cougars at Liberty (+7)
In the battle of pearl-clutching hypocrites, give me the home dog.
The Pick: Falwell’s “lifestyle”
So there we have it. A tight 10 games on the card. If we go 6-4, it’ll be a gosh darn miracle after last week. The only more significant miracle will come in the form of avoiding Twitter picks.
Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.