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WSU Soccer vs Arizona: Enjoy Bridge Club

Any opportunity to tease Arizona (for anything at all) is a good opportunity!

Washington State University Cougars soccer vs. Denver Pioneers, September 4, 2022. The Cougars won 4-2.
Washington State University Cougars soccer vs. Denver Pioneers, September 4, 2022. The Cougars won 4-2.
Dean Hare/WSU Photo Services

Good morning, Coug fans!

Football is taking the week off- crazy that there was no football last week or this week. Kind of funny how that happens, someone should look into that (by which I mean: let’s all just act like there was no football last week, alright?).

However, there is no shortage of sports this weekend. For this reason, I decided to be mean to University of Arizona Soccer, in the spirit of our impending matchup against them on Sunday, October 23rd. Really, any opportunity to be slightly sassy towards Arizona on the internet is a good opportunity.

Unfortunately last night our own Washington State Soccer fell to Arizona State, which is obviously a bummer, but not indicative of how the rest of the season could play out!

But let’s get down to brass tacks. To be honest, it’s been a pretty weird week over here, so when I saw I could capitalize on the opportunity of being mean to Arizona (whether it’s soccer, football, badminton, I really don’t care) I took it!

First and foremost, I want to establish that I respect all the Arizona Women’s Soccer players as both athletes and as people, and the tone of this article is not intended to bring any other woman down. That being said, I am not responsible for their mediocre decision making skills in terms of where they go to college. When you google Tucson, it talks about how amazing of a place it is to retire. Not saying that your life ends when you retire, obviously there is still a lot for Arizona students to look forward to! Bridge club, those nifty little scooters you ride around on, and being in bed by 8:30 are obviously popular ways to pass the time among their neighbors. Maybe that’s why it’s such a party school- they have to get it out while they still can!

Arizona soccer lost to Utah, which is hilarious, since after that win, Utah has simply been unable to get the job done. I wonder if Arizona did some kind of swap with Utah after the fact- no. I will not go down the Freaky Friday rabbit hole two weeks in a row, Jeff will fire me.

Moving on.

The first time these two soccer teams played each other was on September 24th, 1995. Unfortunately I was not alive for that historic matchup, where Washington State came out victorious 4-1. However, the first game I was alive for, Washington State ALSO won 3-2! It had nothing to do with me, yet I feel like my existence is responsible.

We have scored 45 goals against Arizona, which is great- I can’t wait to add to that number on Sunday! We also lead the series 16-1-9! So really this whole thing is kind of punching down.

There was a dark period between 2014 and 2019 where Coug soccer couldn’t quite get it done, but we were able to right the ship September 2021.

I don’t mean to offend popular UA Alum Rick Hoffman, who acted in the television show Suits alongside the Duchess of Sussex. How close in proximity does that make Hoffman to the crown? I don’t think I could handle the inflation of Arizona’s already egregious ego.

Overall, I encourage anyone who is able to go to the game on Sunday! I wish I could. A win against Arizona is like the first time a baby laughs, or when you get the last donut in the box, and it just so happens to be your favorite one. Or when you take the first sip of your morning coffee, brewed to perfection. Go forth, Coug soccer, and breathe that fresh, victorious air. I believe in you.

Go Cougs!


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