Welcome to Week 11, or as everyone should call it moving forward, Spinal Tap week. It seems like just yesterday we were watching teams melt in the heat of late August and early September. But now, is the proverbial blink of an eye, those same teams are taking refuge on heated benches and inside team-logoed parkas. That’s the beauty of college football season, as it spans the gamut of seasons better than most of the others.
Well, the seasons change for some, if not all. The temp outside Gamble-Tron HQ this week was EIGHTY GODDAMN NINE DEGREES! We damn near melted on our Sunday morning run. Thankfully, sanity in the form of 70-degree temps is returning soon. Even more thankfully, we finally scratched out a profitable weekend when the calendar turned over! It began with a wunder (wind-aided under) in the Evanston rain, and ended with an avalanche of points in Tempe amid a warm night in Tempe.
But that was then, and this is now, another chance to achieve gambling glory, coupled with a more likely outcome of gambling ignominy. Away we go.
Last Week: 10-5 (that late Ohio State Under was a breeze! Get it?!)
Season Total: 93-75
Best Call of the Weekend
Oregon Ducks at Colorado Buffaloes (+31.5)
Thirty one and a half? My word. That speaks both to Oregon’s prowess and Colorado’s super terrible-ness. Man, do I ever hate laying this many points, especially after getting gutted by Colorado’s back door punt return last week. Abject anger at a team is a great reason to bet against it the next week, right?
The Pick: Oregon / Under 63
All kinds of high-profile games going on Saturday afternoon, and one of our TVs was basically locked on this one. I’m here to tell you that laying that many points while also rooting against too many points is one hell of a stressful needle-threading situation, but thread that baby we did!
Free Money Call of the Weekend
Army vs. Air Force Under 41
SERVICE. ACADEMY. UNDERS.
There have been two service academy games this season. The point totals in those games were 23 and 20. You’re welcome.
Worst Call of the Weekend
Cal Golden Bears at USC Trojans (-21)
Man, these last two games are just...ick. Speaking of “ick,” I give you Alex Grinch’s ghastly defense. If those guys can’t figure out a way to stop Cal’s inert offense, USC has real big problems.
The Pick: SC
Narrator: Alex Grinch and his defense did not, in fact, figure out a way to stop Cal’s defense. In its four games prior to facing USC, Cal scored 9, 13, 21 and 24. Against USC, in Los Angeles, it scored THIRTY FIVE! USC was punished accordingly, as the morons on the CFP committee placed it all the way up at #8.
Late Night Ball of Stress of the Weekend
UCLA Bruins at Arizona State Sun Devils (+10.5)
I still don’t know if ASU is any good, but it is certainly playing better now that Herm Edwards has been excised. UCLA seems to be on another level. Unless it’s playing Oregon. It isn’t playing Oregon.
The Pick: UCLA
The funny part about this was that my teenager probably figured I’d be asleep when he got home after midnight. NOPE! I was too busy biting through all of my fingernails as UCLA kept letting ASU hang around. After letting a 35-10 lead melt away to 42-36, UCLA ran the cover play, taking a 50-36 lead with 3:20 left. We’re done here, right? Lol nope. In just over 90 seconds, ASU sat at the UCLA 12 yard line, threatening to score A SIGNIFICANT TO SOME garbage time touchdown. I was resigned to a loss as my eyelids weighed heavily. But wait! On 3nd-and-5, the Gamble-Tron’s newest favorite player ever, somebody named Jaylin Davies, intercepted the ASU quarterback and preserved the cover! A Pac-12 After Dark gift from the heavens!
But that was last week, and this is a new chance to ruin whatever fortune we found.
All odds courtesy of our DraftKings partners.
Arizona State Sun Devils at Washington State Cougars (-8)
How long has it been since ASU and its terrible uniforms played in Pullman? The Sun Devils fired the coach on the sidelines that day, then fired the guy they hired to replace him, not have a third guy! I mean that would be normal if this were Auburn, but anywhere else? Well, now that I think about it, WSU has gone through just as many coaches since then, although, both ASU coaches were fired for (mostly) on-field results, which WSU had a coach who left for the SEC and another who chose Q Anon over gainful employment. Oh, and WSU had an interim coach against ASU last year, while ASU has an interim against WSU this year. Ok this is getting kind of weird.
Where was I? Oh yeah. So ASU hasn’t been here in a bit, but I think WSU is getting more respect than it deserves, even after last week’s beatdown. Oh, and speaking of weather bundle up if you’re going to this game, because yikes.
Devils Oh eff it. I’m tired of fading the Cougs, so don’t let me down, fellas. PLEASE WIN AND COVER BUT I’LL BE TOTALLY FINE IF YOU WIN AND DON’T COVER JUST PLEASE WIN. / Under 59.5
Colorado Buffaloes at USC Trojans (-34)
Sorry, USC, but if you don’t win this game by at least 40, you’re a complete fraud. Well ok, you’re a fraud anyway, but even the USC Madoffs should name the score in this one.
The Pick: Trojans
Washington Huskies at Oregon Ducks (-13)
My favorite part about last week’s Washington game was when the sideline reporter was doing everything to fete Michael Penix short of nominating him for a Nobel Prize at the same time Penix was getting picked for an OSU touchdown. Unlike last week, the team from Oregon won’t shoot itself in the feet just enough to hand Washington a win.
The Pick: Oregon
Cal Golden Bears at Oregon State Beavers (-13.5)
The Beavers have to be licking their wounds and kicking themselves from stepping all over their manhood last Friday, as they should have beaten Washington. But somehow, Corvallis darling Jonathan Smith and OSU have managed to fare even worse that the Cougs in Seattle, losing multiple games they should have won over the last decade or so. Luckily, OSU has a “get right” game this week against largely hapless Cal, along with an extra day to prepare for a team playing its second straight road game.
The Pick: Benny
Stanford Cardinal at Utah Utes (-24)
If there were a playoff for the worst team in the Power Five, well, I’d totally watch that, but also Stanford would likely win (lose?) a spot in the field. Things are not going well on The Farm, which is to say that they’re going about as well as we figured before the season began. On the other sideline, the Utes are about who we thought they were, though they should probably have at least one additional loss. That additional loss will not be arriving this weekend.
The Pick: Utah
Arizona Wildcats at UCLA Bruins (-19.5)
Arizona hits the road for a second straight week, this time to Los Angeles, where it needs to avoid a loss in order to maintain its bowl hopes. Not happening. Not with that terrible defense facing one of the best offenses in the conference. The fighting Fisches will have to wait at least one more year to go bowling again.
The Pick: UCLA
Liberty at UConn (+14)
I know Liberty is going on the road again after a huge win at Arkansas. And I know UConn is vastly improved this season. But Liberty should win this game by 30. It won’t, but it should.
The Pick: Hugh and his family values
Army Black Knights at Troy Trojans (Total = 46.5)
Troy has a very good defense. Army does not have a good offense. That should add up to a paucity of points.
The Pick: Under
Missouri Tigers at Tennessee Volunteers (-20)
I don’t know if Tennessee got beat up much in Athens last weekend, but the thought here is that it’s looking to take out some frustration on Mizzou. That is doubly so because the Volunteers are still right in the mix for a College Football Playoff spot.
The Pick: Smokey
Georgia Bulldogs at Mississippi State Bulldogs (+16)
Leach against an elite team, you say? Yeah, we know how this goes.
The Pick: Spike and UGa
North Carolina Tar Heels at Wake Forest Demon Deacons (UNC Team Total = 36.5)
So. Many. Points. We don’t know who will win, but there will almost certainly be points aplenty.
The Pick: Over
Nebraska Cornhuskers at Michigan Wolverines (Michigan Team Total = 39.5)
Big Blue needs some style points.
The Pick: Over
Rice Owls at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (-13)
Have you seen Western Kentucky’s Helmet? I SAID, HAVE YOU SEEN WESTERN KENTUCKY’S HEMLET??!! AND WHILE WE’RE HERE, DID YOU SEE THE VISOR?????!!!!!
The moment you’ve all been waiting for…@caboni and @WKUBigRed came through‼️#GoTops https://t.co/6mIWO035ev pic.twitter.com/TZT4523pJS— WKU Football (@WKUFootball) November 8, 2022
The Pick: TOPS BY A GODDAMN MILLION
EDIT: Spencer Sanders out again. We'll jump on the Under 47.5 against Iowa State.
Hang on. I know what you’re wondering. “But PJ, how are things going over at TallySight?! Are you doing well there, too?” I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!
CFB Week 10: ATS Top 10— Tallysight (@tallysight) November 8, 2022
10) @Seventy7NB https://t.co/Gv6BHPS6Td pic.twitter.com/VDqwYl0aCm
CFB Week 10: O/U top 10— Tallysight (@tallysight) November 8, 2022
10) @mattygOFD https://t.co/ENUjRthG72 pic.twitter.com/rMknBR2MOj
tl;dr follow this account if you’re into printing money.
Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.