Good morning, Coug fans!
I, personally, am still reeling from the sudden collapse of our beloved conference, the Pac-12. We’ve been dancing around all the “what-if’s” since the end, so I thought I’d explore what it would be like to have a chat with any eligible conference (that doesn’t make me nauseous) under the format of a “Cougs-list” Missed Connection. Remember those on Craigslist? See, I’m not that young!
Yes, I’ve left some out, because I think it’s important to know our worth, and ignore the Mountain West.
“School seeking nerdy little conference to join.”
ACC, we met briefly, and the encounter truly cracked me up — I’m talking about the Sun Bowl in 2015. Of course, Miami couldn’t perform in the snow, and wouldn’t you like a team that can? Also, how on earth can you contain both Duke and Florida State? Your vibes are entirely confusing, and need rectifying immediately. Luckily for you, I know a school that can help with that. While it seems you do have your party school quota covered, I can guarantee no one does it like us. Contact me via email if interested.
“Ready for our second shot at Michigan State.”
The Holiday Bowl of 2017 wasn’t our proudest moment, and we’re ready to meet again. Big 10, if you think you can handle us, prove it. You’ve also shown an interest in my old friends from Southern California, and I’m not one to tell anyone they made a mistake, but you made a mistake and I’d be so much better for you. Just saying.
“Rinse and Repeat.”
Remember the Alamo? I’ve never forgotten* and I’m ready to walk down memory lane. Iowa State knows what I bring to the table. Additionally, none of your teams really stand out; aside from some sparse March Madness wins, what about you is unique? Impress me. Honestly, why am I asking to join you, when you really should be sending me gift baskets. You would be honored to have me in your little conference. Maybe I have a complex about you also being a “12” — and how I can no longer relate, nonetheless, I will continue to take it out on you.
*Yes, I’m using this joke two weeks in a row. It’s a good joke.
“We’d rather stay gone.”
SEC, while my time with you was short, I know all I need to know about this connection, and how it should probably stay in the past. All respect to You Know Who, but I think we’ve spent enough time together. While what we had was meaningful, why ruin good memories with the likelihood of tarnished new ones? We can stay friends though.
Honestly, I’m sassy and biased and I think we’re too good for every conference. But what do I know? I’m not in charge. I hope all these conferences know that if they do pick us up, they’re tapping in the best fan base in the world. Remember that! Go Cougs.
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