The Good, Bad and Ugly of college football’s Week Zero

Good morning, and welcome to the first of many glorious football-filled weekends! Ok “filled is probably inaccurate, but still. This time next week, we will be reacting to an actual Washington State Cougars football game! This is cause for excitement if you ask me! But while we have another six days before thousands of Cougar Football devotees descend upon Pullman for the first time in 2022, actual college football took place throughout the globe on Saturday. And when I say throughout the globe, I mean THROUGHOUT THE GLOBE.

It may not have been much, but it was something, and that “something” is far far far better than anything that NFL preseason can offer. So before we start getting anxious about our favorite team for the next three months, let’s take a moment to have some fun with Saturday’s proceedings.

The Good

Gotta start here.

Spencer Hall is all of us.

Regarding the actual games, Ryan Hilinski’s effort in the upset of the Nebraska Cornhuskers was rather spectacular. Despite being a near two-touchdown dog, Hiliski appears to have found a home in Evanston. What a great feeling for that family.

Before Hilinski and the Northwestern Wildcats beat up on Nebraska, the Hilltoppers and Governors got things going in Kentucky.

Let’s cut to action in the fourth quarter, where a Western Kentucky receiver made what might turn out to be the best catch of a not-football in 2022.

Reason #2332 why Ireland is awesomer than the USA in several aspects (left side driving excepted). Can you imagine a scenario where the $25 beers at T-Mobile Park are suddenly free?!

Our man Ralph Russo of the AP chimed in with the only correct take.

Things got better? Worse? A lot worse? I’m still trying to figure it out.

So, what kind of constructive activity came from imbibing all of that free beer? A science project for the ages, that’s what.

Still don’t know why Jim Mora opted for a long field goal in the fourth quarter, while trailing by a touchdown. Well, ok I do (he’s a bad coach), but his kicker made it look like a not-terrible decision.

Back in high school when our offensive line coach would talk about a play where we had to get out and block a defensive back, he’d always say, “You’ll know who they are because they have little numbers, and when they see you coming, they’ll have big eyes.” This was that.

One of my favorite things to watch on Sundays is all the spectacular, “How did he do that?” catches. This is a pretty good one!

I was gonna put this in “Ugly” but goddamn I’m laughing too hard, so it has to go here. That poor quarterback is gonna wear this for a long time.

The Turnover (whatever) has been washed for a while now, but every once in a while a school comes up with a pretty good one. UNLV, come on down.

The Bad

GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR SPECIAL TEAMS DISASTERS AND/OR NEAR DISASTERS.

Hawaii sees you, and raises you, Austin Peay.

Didn’t know where to slot this one so I’ll just leave it here. That hair on Mack is something.

When you see all those SportsCenter highlights and tell yourself, “that’s gonna be me one day. Just need to get my shot.”

It was opening week for everybody, not just the players and coaches. Unless SOURCES out there know something we don’t.

Bless Desmond Howard’s little heart. While the diehards among us might think a CFP with these participants would be a nice change of pace, network leadership would likely have a stroke if these were the four teams.

That seems like the most appropriate response to what we saw on the television. And I will put all of my life savings on a wager that says #50 will soon relocate to Del Boca Vista and have a standing 4 p.m. dinner reservation at the country club. Just need to replace those cleats with some socks and sandals and we’re good.

I TOLD YOU TO WEAR YOUR JERSEY IN SUPPORT OF THE TEAM

AND I TOLD YOU THAT I HAD TO GO TO CHURCH BEFORE THE GAME AND MOM MADE ME WEAR THIS STUPID SHIRT WITH A COLLAR

CALM DOWN BOTH OF YOU BEFORE I’M FORCED TO GO DOUBLE FINGER GUNS AND END THIS

The Ugly

Whomever was inside that costume knew he/she was only gonna get one shot at payback for having to deal with an endless line of bratty kids day after day. These poor little bastards never had a chance.

The Nebraska

How it started in Dublin:

How it ended in Dublin:

How we got there:

This is one of those calls where, if it works, you’re a genius. If it doesn’t, walk your ass home. But Scott Frost should have thought, “Hang on. I’m Scott Frost. I’m at Nebraska. We lose every game in brutal fashion. Kick it deep.” Instead...

What’s better than coach-on-coach crime? When the coach who fires the salvo does so well past midnight, and almost certainly hits “send tweet” between rounds of Guinness at a pub in Temple Bar.

Hopefully our guy Ted has moved on from anger to acceptance in the day since this absolutely perfect reaction to the game’s outcome.

How do you know your program will never ever be what it once was, and what you think it could once again become? When an FCS conference is coming off the top rope.

And finally, the word you’re looking for is aerfort. Aerfort. (there’s no word for tarmac in that language).

Cougar Football

Colton Clark produced a feature on WSU’s edge rushers. If these guys have a season they’re capable of, WSU’s defense will take another leap forward.

Washington State defense paced by deep and talented group of edge-rushers | The Spokesman-Review
Starters Ron Stone Jr. and Brennan Jackson are WSU captains and All-Pac-12 talents. Sophomores Andrew Edson and Quinn Roff return after showing high potential off the bench last season.

Non-Sports

The Washington Post published a series of great articles about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, now that six months have passed. Here are a couple of them.

FSB errors played crucial role in Russia's failed war plans in Ukraine - Washington Post
In the final days before the invasion of Ukraine, Russia’s security service began sending cryptic instructions to informants in Kyiv. Pack up and get out of the capital, the Kremlin collaborators were told, but leave behind the keys to your homes.

Battle for Kyiv: How Ukrainian forces defended and saved their capital - Washington Post
This wasn’t the limited invasion, isolated to the country’s east, that many top Ukrainian officials had been expecting.

Kabul airport bombing: For U.S. troops who survived grief endures - The Washington Post
The U.S. military’s treacherous evacuation of Afghanistan continues to haunt those who were there.

Viral video of a racist rant led people to threaten the wrong business. The owner blames Google.
A case of mistaken identity and internet vigilantism gone wrong highlights how hard it can be to stop online vigilantism once it starts.