The EMW Power Rankings: Where *I* Think They’ll Fare

Good afternoon, Coug fans!

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been eagerly awaiting football season since, well, last season ended. With fall, there’s a lot to look forward to that isn’t just Washington State football — namely, soccer landing in the top 25, along with, like, pumpkin spice lattes. However, football has taken up a lot of mental space for me personally, along with a majority of our fanbase.

Rankings have been swirling around our social spheres like dreams of presents and candy canes on Christmas, and for that reason I have decided to pen my own “EMW Power Rankings”: Rankings that are based off of exclusively my own opinions and zero analytics. I want to state again that I have no idea what I am talking about specifically, but if I’m right, I reserve full bragging rights for the rest of forever.

Without further ado, let the vibe predictions begin.

Number 1 in the Pac 12
I believe it will be Oregon. This genuinely kills me to write. I think the shame of losing to Utah last season, along with opening against Georgia will mix together to create a truly devastating cocktail of victory. I believe they might surprise us, as they tend to do occasionally. Their only loss will be against Washington State, obviously.

Number 2
UCLA. I am inclined to go “who?” or “thank u, next” - but alas. I think UCLA will ride the wave of superiority from leaving the division and make it everyone’s problem. I’m glad we won’t be playing them. My heart could not take that.

Number 3
Here, I believe, sits Utah. I know they’re favored higher, but I have to be honest!!! I think they had some twisted luck on their side last season, and I’m anticipating the Utes being unable to live up to their national potential. It would bring me great joy to watch them absolutely fall on their face this season- even worse than landing at number 3, but my logic (nonexistent analysis plus random guessing) is screaming third place. Prove me wrong, go lower!

Number 4
Unfortunately I agree with the masses about USC taking this spot. I jumbled around the first three based on nothing at all, but it makes sense to me that USC will sit here. I think they’ll share the same superiority complex as UCLA, but they’ll find a way to mess it up somehow. And those mistakes will make me smile. In my head, which again is filled with nonsense, we beat USC 35-28. And how fun would that be?

Number 5
I believe this spot will be held by the most amazing, esteemed, honorable, and remarkable Washington State University. I think everyone is hesitant to put us any higher because there’s been a lot of change, and a lot of uncertainty surrounding our coaching staff. But I believe in our program. At this point in the paragraph, please imagine me climbing on my soap box.

I believe in us. I believe in our athletes. I believe in our coaches. Call me crazy, call me naive- but you can’t call me a non-believer.

Number 6
This is Oregon State. I sympathize with the Beavs, but I think they’ll just scratch their potential. Additionally, it seems to always be either us or Oregon State, and while we usually shake hands- I would like to rank above them this time. I feel like we need this. Maybe next season, Beavs! Sorry!

Number 7
Stanford, probably. I won’t rank the U*iversity o* W*sh*ngt*n higher than them, only on principal. I just think they’ll boof it slightly less than the Huskies. That is my only reason for this decision. I wish I could elaborate further.

Number 8
This is where I believe the Huskies will land. It just seems right. I cannot see them doing better than this, and I do believe there will be worse teams. That also pains me to write- obviously we would all get a special little laugh from this team coming in dead last, but alas. Doubtful.

Number 9
Arizona State takes number 9, mainly because I believe in their ability to absolutely humiliate Cal. I do think our victory against them will be sweet, but I think the margin will be slightly less wide than that against the next three teams. I also don’t really have anything against ASU- they’re one of the Pac-12 schools that I truly feel apathetic towards. It will be fun to beat them!

Number 10
This is where I’ll put Cal. I would love for them to place lower, but unfortunately I think Colorado and Arizona are going to be really bad. I think Cal will humiliate themselves, and then get one surprising upset. The upset will likely make me very mad. I fear it will be us. I am NOT putting that into the universe specifically, but this team gives me trust issue you guys. I just never know. And I’m scared to assume. And now this is on the internet forever. Good God.

Number 11
Arizona takes eleven, only because I think they’ll be able to scrape something that is barely reputable up- rather than whatever Colorado is left with. But let’s be honest, it doesn’t take an idiot to see that both teams are subscribing more to the “shoot for the moon, aim for the stars, settle for being above ground in the first place” narrative. And I’m kind of an idiot sometimes. But I do think Arizona’s embarrassing last season will offer some sort of incentive. But what do I know? (Nothing.)

Dead last
Listen- I don’t find joy doing this to Colorado. They’ve done nothing to me. I just have a feeling that simply nothing is going to go their way this season. And honestly, I think we’re all going to be a little sad watching it. It’s really going to be like when you see the aftermath of a really horrible car accident, and you just can’t help but stop and stare. Colorado, I’m sorry. I am a little bummed we aren’t playing you just so we could beat the absolute snot out of you, but because you aren’t on our schedule makes me sympathize a little more. Stay safe, okay?

Anyway that’s my two cents. Am I way off? Only time will tell! Go Cougs!