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5 ways to get over a breakup- I mean, when all your teams lose

Let’s be honest, the two are very similar feelings, are they not?

Jack Ellis/CougCenter

Good morning, Coug fans!

Last weekend sucked, huh? Well, not for me, outside of sports, because I got to hang out with a handful of my favorite CCKs (CougCenter kids). Murfitt kids and Powers kids I’m lookin at you!

However, unideal weekend in SportsLand for Washington State. It contained some pretty frustrating losses, and I realized we haven’t really experienced that gut-wrenching, soul-sucking, self-esteem-destroying, if-my-girlfriends-hear-me-complain-about-this-situation-one-more-time-they’ll-stop-inviting-me-to-happy-hour feeling yet this season. And it might be new for some of you! Or, some of you might have done something I, myself, am guilty of: letting hope in my heart.

Yes, I’m being dramatic, it’s part of the satire. Just roll with it.

Additionally, I chose that picture of Cam Ward looking all thoughtful and stressed because I feel like his face nails both of the situations I’m writing about. Right?

Here’s a checklist here of the best ways to get over a breakup- err, I mean, your sports teams not having the outcome you wanted, and you’ve kind of let it ruin your week.

Step one: Ice Cream.

The Murfitt children and I crossed this off the list Saturday night (sorry Zane and Kelsey), however it was less sad about sports motivated: it came more from the Emma being a pushover camp. But it did make me feel better! And, it’s a staple in any attempt to get over a real breakup- if it fits it ships.

Step two: Watch Highlights of the games We Actually Won.

This is a little in the vein of “gaslighting yourself” - and it can go one of three ways.

The first, much like in a real breakup, is when you’re sad and reminiscing on better times. You look at the happy pictures and videos, you think about how you thought they’d never end. They make you smile softly until you’re ready to delete them and move on.

The second is watching them and being inspired, if it happened once it’ll surely happen again! You aren’t going to die alone— I mean, lose every game the rest of the season...

And the third is you get mad. If it happened then, why not now? What was it about those situations that worked out, and this one didn’t?! Were you just not good enough? Was it just not the right fit? Did Arbuckle call a play on 4th and 1 that would have worked had it been executed better? If we cleaned up those service errors against Stanford, would it have gone differently?! You’ll never know. Because it’s over. It happened days ago. You need to let go.*

*I am writing to myself here.

Step three: Channel Your Anger into Something Productive.

When a man (UCLA football, Arizona State soccer, and Stanford volleyball) hurts my feelings, I like to get on the treadmill and walk until I no longer see red! Then, I go to Fred Meyers and spend a stupid amount of money on snacks and Halloween decor for my apartment. Is this what I did on Sunday night? Yeah, might be. Did I have two glasses of wine as well, causing me to feel a little rough Monday morning? That did happen, yes. My only regret was the dry mouth and headache I got from the $9 bottle of Cab Sauv. It was a prison of my own design.

If neither of those tactics feel productive to you, you have my admiration. If two glasses of wine doesn’t give you a mild hangover, you ALSO have my admiration. I recommend either deep cleaning your house, your car, or that one closet you keep telling yourself is fine as it is, but it’s really eating away at you. Again I am in now way drawing on my personal life for this, why on earth would you even imply that?!

Step four: The Best Way to Get Over Someone Old...

Is to focus on someone new!

We have new opportunities this weekend to make things go our way! And they haven’t happened yet, so your heart isn’t broken, it’s healing. Football will play Arizona, and that will go... however it goes. Volleyball will play Utah (more on that tomorrow), and that will also go however it goes! Soccer will play Cal, which makes me anxious, but so do all new relationships after the ending of the last one! Right now, like children on Christmas Eve, you’re going to sleep dreaming of gumdrops and presents and 50 burgers and 3 sets straight! You’re giggling with your friends, dreaming about all the exciting opportunities. Pretty soon, you won’t even remember UCLA, Arizona State, or Stanford! You’ll see.

Step five: Acceptance.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because we’re done playing those teams in these sports in that specific scenario for the rest of the year! And forever, most likely! This got dark.

Soon, you’ll walk past signs hanging on the walls advertising those schools, and you won’t even think of them anymore. We’ll have won so many games, cheered so many times, and had so many other experiences that this these games won’t even cross our minds anymore. We’ll be listening to a feel good playlist, strutting down the street like no one can tell us anything, and we’ll have healed.

Do you feel better? I sure do.

Go Cougs.