Greetings from the road. Again. The Gamble-Tron has had enough of the sunny, mild fall weather that Lower Alabama has to offer, so we’re decamping to London, England for a bit. Wait, is it London, England? London, Great Britain? London, United Kingdom? London, England, United Kingdom? The possibilities are endless! Anyhoo, let’s have a look at the weather forecast, which is probably similar to northwest Florida, right?
Oh. Ok then. Apparently I’m going to Seattle but with left side driving.
Welp, maybe all this sunny weather was messing with our brains, and it’s possible that the cold & rainy conditions will be a panacea for our gambling mediocrity. We remain skeptical, but at this point in our largely middling season, we’re willing to try just about anything. Ok, anything except black pudding. Let’s get to it.
Last Week: 10-6-1
Season Total: 57-52-1
As with the previous week, we started out a house of fire (8-3 before the afternoon games even began!), then coughed and wheezed down the stretch. Yippee.
Best Call(s) of the Week
You mean besides Arizona? Too soon? Moving on. Of all the nonsense so far in 2023, we’re rather proud of our 3-0 Sicko unders! Viva la MAC!!! Oh, and is there a bigger lock than Iowa unders? I mean, a 35-point total that was never, not for a moment, in danger? And it’s even crazier this week!
Worst Call(s) of the Week
It’s the only defense we knowwwwww! We can’t tackle and we’re slowwwwww!!! USC is so goddamn bad, and it’s wasting a generational quarterback in the process. Ok, we’re projecting, because not only did we think USC would win, we also thought it would hold Notre Dame’s not-exactly-explosive offense to a reasonably low point total WRONG and WRONGER. Also, Sorry, Beavers. I didn’t give you nearly enough credit, but I made up for that by overrating UCLA.
Undertaker Meme of the Week
Your halftime score in Boulder, Team Deion 29, Stanford Z-E-R-O. It was late, it had been a long week, and the Gamble-Tron’s college football fandom gave way to sleepiness. Meanwhile, let’s go live to the stadium near Avery Brewing for a fourth quarter look at the Cardinal!
Then, it was 29-6. Then, it was 29-12. Then, it was 29-19. Then(!) it was 29-26! After a Colorado touchdown, Stanford answered with 10 points and suddenly WE’RE IN OVERTIME! I don’t think I need to tell you what happened next (sound: up).
tl;dr we knew Stanford would beat the spread all along and went to bed content with our pick despite the 29-point deficit. Why are you looking at us like that?
We enjoy the initial lines from Circa every Sunday, and saw a few we liked, including SERVICE ACADEMY UNDER PRINCIPLE!
Gamble-Tron opening calls:— PJ Kendall ✈ ⚰ (@Deathby105) October 15, 2023
LSU-Army Over 53.3
Air Force-Navy Under 39.5
Kansas State -6 https://t.co/6PQ8IraeP5
That total is now 33.5, by the way, as Air Force’s quarterback is out with an injury, potentially derailing what was shaping up to be a special season for the Zoomies. Boo.
Additionally, the LSU-Army total is up to 58 (we meant to write 53.5, as 53.3 is a total you’ll only find in a bathroom stall sports book at a rest stop outside Parump), Oklahoma is now as much as a 20-point favorite, and Kansas State’s spread now includes a hook. Hopefully we found some opening gems!
Friday Night Red Eye over the Atlantic Fun
WSU at Oregon (-20.5)
The Cougs haven’t looked this bad in a long, long time. Two straight no-shows from the allegedly explosive offense, and a defense that, like an earthen dam, finally gave way under ever-increasing pressure. Meanwhile, Oregon has a damn good team with a coach who insists on terrible in-game management against good opponents. Fortunately for the coach, WSU isn’t a good opponent. All that said, beware the letdown.
The Pick: Cougs? Oh hell, why not. Throw in the Under 61.5
Utah at USC (-7)
After all the Trojans have put me through, am I really gonna lay a touchdown against anti-USC? Meaning: competent coaching, players who try hard, etc. Well yes, yes I am.
The Pick: USC
UCLA at Stanford (+17)
Turns out it wasn’t necessarily that UCLA has a great defense and a passable offense. Actually, UCLA has a great defense against bad offenses, and as well as a subpar quarterback. And yet, Stanford is far worse!
The Pick: UCLA / Under 53.5
Arizona State at Washington (-27.5)
This Washington team is different, and I don’t expect much of a letdown after the huge win last weekend. But ASU is frisky, and I can definitely see a late touchdown to beat the number, as the Sun Devils are in a clear look-ahead spot here, right?
The Pick: ASU
Other Games of Note
Oklahoma State at West Virginia (-3.5)
Gonna ride with the Pokes until they give me a reason not to.
The Pick: Coach RSBN
Texas Tech at BYU (+3)
The second-rate Cougs let me down last week, but as home dogs against an overrated Texas Tech team? Fool me once...
The Pick: The Y
Michigan State at Michigan (-24)
Think Coach See No/Speak No/Hear No is closing ranks and preaching “us against the world” from atop Michigan’s moral high ground? I do.
The Pick: USMC Intelligence (currently on paid leave)
Sicko Mode Play of the Week
Minnesota at Iowa (Total = 30.5)
Floyd of Rosedale continues to avert his eyes and hope for the best.
The Pick: YOU KNOW I HAVE TO TAKE THE UNDER
Happy Gambling, and say a prayer for my VPN.