Hello! Happy Friday! This is really tardy! And full of exclamation points!
Way back when I was only a middle-aged Air Force person and not yet an old and salty Air Force person, one of my commanders walked in after a very busy day. I asked him how he was doing, and he said, “I’m a soup sandwich.” I could tell from the harried look on his face that he was what the kids like to call a hot mess.
That phrase, soup sandwich, has stuck with me ever since. If this guy, who has a 30-pound brain, was having a rough go, what chance did I have? Well, that thought came back in spades this week, which I’ll cover on Sunday. But for now, we’ll have a quick look at this week’s best gambling opportunities!
Last Week: 9-8
Season Total: 14-16
Best Call of the Week
We hemmed and hawed over the USC-Stanford game, mostly because of their respective performances against Mountain West dregs. In the end, we went settled on USC and the dynamite offense, and it worked out!
Worst Call of the Week
We’ll just pretend the “ready, fire, aim” category didn’t actually exist for a minute. We were sooooo close to taking UCLA, but that crappy opener scared us off. Turns out the Aztecs are not great! So bad, in fact, that this one was decided by halftime. Yea, us.
Dishonorable Mention: If we ever suggest betting on UTEP again, call the police. Immediately.
Mandatory Kick to the Fellas
Gambling taketh (like the opening week) and gambling giveth (like last week), so we’d be remiss if we didn’t talk about the times we lucked out. In this case, Oregon Ducks, come on down! Oregon trailed by nine heading into the fourth quarter, and scraped its way to a late lead. Then, by some gambling miracle, FUUUUUUMMMMMBLEEEE! And instead of falling down and locking up the win, Oregon defender Jeffrey Bassa DID THE SMARTEST THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER AND HOUSED IT FOR THE COVER! Jeffrey, we are forever in your debt.
Before we get to the regular picks, we’ve already weighed on Twitter. So far, so so, as we took some Friday night action with Air Force -9.5 and Army-UTSA Under 44. The latter is already a loser. Hooray.
EDIT: WSU total is 54.5 and we’re on the Over.
Early Gamble-Tron tip - Kansas is giving only 27.5 to Nevada in some places. We're running with 2 fists full to the window on the Jayhawks.— PJ Kendall ✈ ⚰ (@Deathby105) September 12, 2023
San Diego State at Oregon State (-24.5)
I think we already mentioned how bad SDSU is. OSU seems better, but man, that’s a lotta points.
The Pick: Beavs
Washington (-17.5) at Michigan State
Obscure fact - teams playing under interim coaches because the head coach is suspended due to nebulous phone sex situations are a sparkling 136-13-3 against the spread all time.
The Pick: Choppin’ Wood
Hawaii at Oregon (-38)
I think Oregon is trying to impress the Big Ten. Well, at least I hope it is.
The Pick: Oregon
Colorado State at Colorado (-23)
Deion Sanders is good enough at manufacturing his own grievances, Jay. You didn’t need to give him a reason for more.
The Pick: Colorado / Over 61
Fresno State (-3) at Arizona State
Is Fresno really that good? Is ASU really that bad? I have no idea, but give me the home dog.
The Pick: Forks up? Down? Whatever
UTEP at Arizona (-17.5)
No idea what we’ll see out of Jayden derp Laura, but it can’t be anything near as bad as what we’ll get from UTEP, can it? CAN IT??!!
The Pick: Sonoran Cacti
Money Line Upset of the Week: Purdue isn’t bad. Syracuse hasn’t played anybody. So you’re giving me positive odds on Purdue beating Syracuse at home? TYVM
The Pick: Boiler Up +120
Ready, Fire, Aim
Because this went so well last week!
Georgia Southern at Wisconsin (-19.5)
If not now, Bucky, when?
The Pick: Second-best cheese school in the USA
- Ohio +3.5
- LSU vs. Mississippi State Under 54.5
- Western Michigan +28.5 - I mean, Iowa is gonna score at least 29? What?!
- South Alabama +7.5
- Pitt +3